24. Candice
CANDICE
I wipe the tears from my eyes as I watch Maddie and Jax reunite. It’s such a beautiful sight. I’m relieved that the secret is finally out, but it breaks my heart to know I won’t get the same reaction from him when he sees me. I can’t blame him, though.
I should’ve brought her back sooner, but the longer I stayed away, the harder it was to return. I needed time to think, to clear my head and, more importantly, to heal. Plus, I was scared—scared he’d take my little girl away.
When Jax walked away from me that night and then refused to take my calls, it shattered my heart all over again. It was like déjà vu at its worst.
I hope in time he can forgive me for not telling him from the beginning.
I honestly thought I was doing the right thing by us both.
I had no idea we were going to reconnect, or that he was going to walk away from politics.
An illegitimate child could’ve ruined his career before it even started.
That was one of the many things I considered before agreeing to let Sophia raise Maddie as her own.
That was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.
Maddie was my little girl and the only part of Jax I had left.
It almost killed me to step aside the way I did.
I stand on the front porch and watch them, too scared to move.
I can’t see Jax’s face from where I’m standing because it’s buried into the crook of Maddie’s neck, but I can tell he’s crying by the slight jerking movements of his body.
It kills me to know I’ve hurt him like this.
I want to run to him and wrap him in my arms, but I know he wouldn’t want that.
If getting down on my knees to beg and plead for his forgiveness would help, I wouldn’t hesitate.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make this right.
Minutes pass before he finally sets Maddie on her feet and wipes his eyes.
He picks up the bags of groceries from the footpath before scooping her into his spare arm.
The smile on his face as he looks at her warms my heart.
He’s going to be an amazing father. I want that for her. I want her to have everything I didn’t.
My heart rate accelerates as they approach. I have no idea what kind of reception I’m going to get, but I already know he’s not going to welcome me back with open arms.
It’s not until they’re a few feet away that his eyes finally move to me.
He pauses briefly and exhales visibly, but his expression remains passive.
As expected, he doesn’t appear to be happy to see me.
I’m surprised by how much his lack of a reaction hurts.
Instead of the anger I expected, all I see is pain. An awful lot of pain.
I swallow hard, in an attempt to hold back my tears. I know firsthand how much his family have wounded him over the years, so I hate myself for doing the same.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi.” He clears his throat as he walks straight past me.
Putting Maddie on the ground, he fishes the keys out of his pocket.
He scoops her into his arms again before walking inside.
I half expect him to slam the door in my face, but he doesn’t.
I’m not sure if I’m welcome in his home anymore, but I enter anyway.
I have a lot to say to him, and I refuse to leave here until he hears me out.
Whether he wants my side of the story or not, he’s going to get it.
Jax takes Maddie into the lounge room and sits her on the sofa. I stand in the doorway while he turns on the television, changing the channel to Nick Jr. He doesn’t make eye contact as he passes me on his way to the kitchen. I’m not sure if he wants me to follow, but I do.
I find him standing at the breakfast bar, his back is to me as he unpacks the groceries.
I come to a stop just inside the door, shoving my hands nervously into the back pockets of my jeans.
I’m devastated by the way things have ended up between us.
I miss him, his friendship, his kisses, his hugs—his everything.
I’ve spent the past six months trying to let my feelings for him go, to no avail. I’m still in love with him.
“Does Sophia know you’re back?” he asks without turning around. There’s venom in his voice.
“Not yet. I came here first. I wanted to talk to you, and I thought you’d like to see Maddie.”
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?
” he snaps as he spins around. “I wanted to see her six months ago, Candice. And every fucking day since. But yet again you stole that from me. Keeping my daughter from me for three years wasn’t enough for you?
You had to add another six months just to punish me further?
” He raises his trembling hands, running them through his hair.
“If I’d known she was mine, I would’ve wanted to be there from the very beginning.
For her birth, for her first word, her first step—for everything.
But you didn’t even give me a chance. I never picked you for such a selfish bitch. You really had me fooled.”
I rear back like I’ve been slapped. His words sting, but I guess I deserve them. “It wasn’t like that, Jax,” I say as I take a step towards him.
“Don’t.” He holds his hand up halting me. “Are you trying to tell me you didn’t keep the truth from me for years, or disappear with her for six months?”
“No.” I sigh as I look at the floor. I can’t bear to see the hate in his eyes.
“Exactly.” He doesn’t say anything else as he snatches the carton of milk off the bench and stalks to the fridge. “I’ll tell you this; you try to take her away from me again and you’ll be sorry.”
“You’re threatening me now?”
“You better believe I am. I won’t let you rob me of one more day of my daughter’s life.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“And you expect me to believe you?”
“Yes.” I’ve never seen this side of him before and I don’t like it.
“I trusted you once, Candice, I’m not stupid enough to do it a second time. I’ll be going to a solicitor. I want joint custody. If you don’t agree, I’ll fight you every step of the way.”
“Jax.” I bite my bottom lip when it starts to quiver. I don’t know what to say to make this better. When the tears fill my eyes, I look away. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “You don’t have to do that. You can see her whenever you like. I promise.”
“Huh,” he scoffs like he doesn’t believe me.
Granted he’s angry, and he has every right to be, but his attitude is pissing me off. “You don’t have to act like such an arsehole. I fucked up, I know that. You haven’t even given me a chance to explain.”
He slams his fist down on the countertop, making me flinch. “I may have walked away from you, but do you blame me? You drop a fucking bombshell like that and expect me to take it in my stride? I was shocked, angry and completely fucking devastated that you’d deceived me.”
“I—”
“Let me finish,” he barks. “I needed some time to process the fact that I had a daughter I knew nothing about. That my best friend— the woman I loved —the person I trusted more than anyone, had been lying to me and deceiving me for years. Just put yourself in my shoes for one goddamn minute. In my heart, I wanted to believe that the Candice I knew would never do something so incredibly cruel without good reason. What a fool I was.”
I deserve every hateful word that spews from his mouth, but it still hurts to hear them. He’s never treated me like this. “I’m so sorry, Jax.” It’s a lame response, but I don’t know what else to say.
“So am I,” he spits, disappointment lining his voice. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Candice … or so I thought.”