The Things We Break

Chapter 48 Friends

“FRIENDS”

The sounds of my childhood woke me. My mother was downstairs doing what can only be done in the early hours of the morning: vacuuming.

Then she moved to the kitchen and rearranged what sounded like a holiday’s worth of dishes and cooking utensils.

And there was another sound. The sound of Tristan breathing.

His hand resting on my stomach. His nose pressed against my neck.

But this wouldn’t end with Noah showing up or Tristan poking the new bruises on his body.

It might still end with my mother yelling at me. Telling me to stay away from that Anderson boy. And I wished those things would happen. Maybe then I could go back and change how this all ended. What would I change?

That I never went to college? Instead ended up like my mother, vacuuming at seven-thirty in the morning? Never have my career? Tristan wouldn’t have his. I’d never meet Zoey or Callie. Tristan and I would never have left Parkfield. I didn’t believe he or I was destined to be nothing.

I felt Tristan’s lashes on my neck as he woke.

“What time is it?” His voice was heavy with sleep as he rolled over and rubbed his face.

I looked over at the clock. “Seven forty-five.” We needed to get over to Craig’s and Callie’s and deal with Noah. “We should go over and talk to your brother and figure this out.”

“No.” Tristan rolled over and inhaled deeply.

God, he was beautiful in the morning. His dark hair tangled, the way his muscles tightened and lengthened as he stretched.

“No what?”

“No death shit today. If James wants her buried, he can pay for it. We’re going to do something else.”

“Like what? This is Parkfield. Are we going to go eat pancakes at The Mill, then pan for gold?”

“Well, there go my plans.” He rolled over. “You remember Shannon? He and his brother run a four-wheeler tour business. I thought we’d go do that. Get Noah out of his head. I’ve never seen him like this. What’s wrong with him?”

I looked up at the ceiling. Darcy was in the kitchen using lids as cymbals.

“Well, he has a brother who has a neck tattoo and is a gang leader and is probably selling drugs to America’s youth.

” I looked over at Tristan. The one on his neck was another moth, but this one didn’t have a tattered wing. I liked it. It looked good on him.

“I’m a gang leader now? Wow. I’m moving up in the world.” He took my hand and laced his fingers through mine. “No, really, what’s wrong with him?”

“I think he might have PTSD and lots of guilt. He needs help.” Noah was struggling with a lot of things. I saw it a lot when I worked at the PineWood Center. It was one of the reasons I had to leave that job. I hated watching parents fuck up their kids, and there was nothing I could do.

“Can you help him?”

“I wish I could. I don’t deal with that type of trauma, and he’s like my little brother.”

“He is your little brother.”

That made me sad to think I had abandoned him when I should have stayed. I could have been the soft place for him to land. “I should have stayed.”

“And what, raised a ten-year-old? Ev, you were seventeen.”

“You were eighteen.”

“Yeah, and look how that turned out.”

“Did you ever get help? I mean, talk to someone.” A school counselor had tried once. She had tried to get Tristan some help. But Tristan refused. If the state got involved, Noah and he would be taken away, sent to live somewhere else.

“Nope, I just got tattoos.”

On his chest was the moth. Somehow, he had chosen the right moth.

The one I pictured in my head. A large luna moth with a tattered wing.

Below it was the face of a woman. Her eyes were covered by the wings.

Her hair was tangled and turned into flames that spread across his ribs.

I could see her pain in the black ink of her parted lips and gray tears. She looked so real. “Who is she?”

“You.”

“Me?” It wasn’t even a word, more of a breath. He pressed his nose to mine.

“Yes, you. You are the reason I am here. You are the reason I didn’t die that night. I’m here because you were always there. How many nights did you sit on the bathroom floor with me? Wipe the tears and blood away? Whisper it would be okay? How many nights was it just you?”

I blinked away the tears. “I don’t know.”

“All of them. You were always there for me, and all you ever wanted was me. And the one time you ask, I say no. This Tristan would’ve left with you.”

I let his words settle on my skin like ash, covering everything with a featherlight weight of what could have been. “But he can’t?”

“I signed a one-year contract with a shop. I sold my life for a lot of money. Who knew a kid from a small town with a GED and pretty face could be worth so much?”

“I did. And you are more than a pretty face. You have nice shoulders, remember?” I didn’t want to deal with what would happen tomorrow or the day after. I told my clients to be in the moment. The past is behind us, and the future is not yet decided. So be present.

“I have a better use for that mouth of yours.” He rolled over and kissed me. “I seem to remember there’s something else you like to do in the shower.”

I nipped his bottom lip. We did a lot of things in the bathroom. In the shower. We did things in lots of places. We were kids playing an adult game. “And I’ve gotten much better at it.”

He gave me that smile. The one that both fueled my addiction to him and broke my heart.

* * *

After the four-wheeler ride that ended up being more mud than trail, Bailey met us at Royal Flush.

A bar we as teens used to call the King’s Toilet.

It hadn’t changed much. The booths were still upholstered in red pleather and now red duct tape.

It was dark and untouched by tourism. It also had the best burger in town.

“When you heading out, Tris?” Craig asked over a red basket of crinkle fries.

“Right after the funeral. I need to be back in Miami before the weekend. I have a thing to smile pretty for.” He didn’t look at me or his brother when he said that.

“What sort of thing?” Bailey asked.

“A promotion for the shop. A big-name DJ wants me to tattoo a portrait of his dead mother on his leg.” He leaned back and put his arm around me. “It will be a circus. But that’s why they pay me the big bucks.”

“How much does one charge for a tattoo?” Bailey asked.

“Why, you want one?” Tristan nodded his chin to her.

“No. I mean, maybe. Someday.”

“I’ll give you the friends and family discount. It’s free as long as you don’t want Noah’s face tattooed on your body.”

“What about you, Ev? You ever get one? Maybe a crown on your hip,” Callie teased.

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?” I shook my head.

“A crown? Ev, you a princess?” Noah sat back, putting his arm around Bailey. He was so much like his brother the way he sat. The way he cocked his head when he asked questions.

Callie opened her mouth to say something when a familiar voice cut through the room.

“Evan Carter. Girl, why didn’t you tell me you were in town?”

Anna. I had been trying to dodge her for the past few days. I was sure my mother had told her I was still in town. Probably mentioned my drug dealer bed buddy. “Anna. Good to see you.”

“Noah, I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. She was such a bright soul.”

Tristan scoffed, running his tongue along his cheek. He pulled me a little closer.

“Tristan.” Anna looked him up and down. “I see you’re still… you.”

Callie gave me the is-this-bitch-serious look before clearing her throat and shifted to face Anna. “I’m Callie. Ev’s best friend. And you are?”

“I’m… Evan, tell her.” Anna pouted.

“Callie, this is Anna. We went to school together. Anna, this is Callie and her partner Craig. And you know everyone else.” I smiled at Anna, who had changed so much and yet so little.

She still wore her bleach-blonde hair the same.

Half up and down. She still did her makeup the same.

Even the low-cut shirt showing off her ample cleavage.

Two kids had put more curve in her curves.

“Went to school together? We have been friends since second grade. How long are you in town for? I would love to catch up.” She looked at Tristan, who now had his hand on the back of my neck.

“We leave tomorrow,” Tristan said. A lazy smile crossed that perfect mouth. He was doing this on purpose.

“Oh, you… you two are together? Tristan, I thought you were engaged.” Anna lifted a brow.

“Yeah, just like me,” I said. I didn’t think Anna and I had ever really been friends.

I figured that out after spending time with Zoey and Callie.

When things got bad, Callie would curl up in bed with me and dry my tears.

Zoey kicked a guy in the balls once after he grabbed my ass.

After Tristan left, Anna did none of that.

She told me she always knew Tristan would leave. That he was like his father. A loser.

“Yes, well, I was mistaken. Your mother said you were living with someone. I assumed that meant you two were engaged.” Anna shrugged off her lie.

“What the fuck is this, like, the sixteen hundreds? She lived with me too. Did you tell everyone we were engaged?” Callie shook her head.

“Ew, no. You’re a girl.” Anna frowned at Callie. “Anyway, I have to pick up dinner. Austin and a few of the guys are over to watch some game. Call me. I’d love to catch up.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder before turning on her heels.

“Wait, Anna? Was she the one—”

“Shut up, Craig.” Tristan shook his head.

“Oh. Right, she seems nice.” Craig scratched his head.

“What was that?” Callie asked, eyeing Tristan and Craig.

“What was what?” Craig shrugged.

“That.” Callie pointed to the space between Tristan and Craig. “Was she the one that what? Tristan, did you sleep with her?” Callie accused.

That question hit like a rock to my gut. I turned to him. He wouldn’t look at me. “Did you?” Did I want to know?

“No,” Tristan said. “Can we drop it?”

“No,” I said. “Was she the one who what?”

“Ev.” Noah looked at me and shook his head.

“You know?” I looked at Noah. “Bailey, do you?”

“No.” Bailey looked at Noah.

“Tell me.” I looked at Tristan.

Tristan pulled away and rubbed his face. “Ev, it happened years ago. We are not going there, remember?”

“Tris, just tell her,” Craig said. “Remember, we’re not hiding things. We talked about this, and to have a healthy relationship, you have to tell her things.”

“Oh honey. That’s so adult of you.” Callie smiled.

“Oh honey, shut the fuck up,” Tristan mocked and threw a fry at him.

“Well, he’s right, so tell her. Or she’s going to do a Google search and we’ll start this shit show all over again. And I’m trying to get knocked up,” Callie whined.

“Fine.” Tristan turned to me. “You remember the night the cops showed up at your house?”

The fall of our sophomore year, the cops had shown up, looking for Tristan. My dad said that Tristan had been there all night with us. Tristan had shown up a couple hours prior very high. “Yeah, I assumed it was because you were stoned and drove there.”

“No.” Tristan looked down at his hands. “They wanted to question me about an assault. Sexual assault,” he whispered. I heard Noah groan.

That was the rumor Anna never got over about Tristan.

The one she had been so upset about. Anna said the poor girl’s life had been ruined because of him.

When I had pushed for more information about the girl, Anna started crying.

She said she knew the girl personally and would never out the poor girl.

“I don’t understand. What did that have to do with…

Oh my god.” I looked at Tristan, then to where Anna stood.

The pieces fell into place. “It was her? She said you…” I couldn’t get the rest of the words out.

“Yeah,” Tristan said.

“I’m going to fucking kill her.” I jumped up, pushing past the other people.

“Evan,” Tristan called.

I came up behind Anna. “You fucking bitch.” I grabbed a handful of her hair, ripping her head back. “You fucking lied.”

“Evan.” Tristan grabbed me around the waist, trying to pull me off of Anna.

I clawed at my once best friend. The one I rode bikes with to the lake. The one who laughed at me when I got hit in the face with a dodgeball. The one who made me cry in the ninth grade when she said I wasn’t pretty enough for Tristan. The one who claimed he had assaulted her.

“Evan, what the fuck?” Anna cried, rubbing the back of her head.

“Tristan, let go of me!” I screamed. “You fucking bitch. There was no girl. No assault. You made it all up!” That night flooded back.

My father stood in my bedroom between the deputies and Tristan.

He told them that Tristan had been with us all night.

That he and Tristan had had a couple beers and worked on his truck, and since Tristan had been drinking, he stayed, which was normal.

And since Tristan wasn’t eighteen, my father reminded the cop he couldn’t be questioned without an adult there. They left.

Two days later they dragged Tristan down to the station. His mother wouldn’t go. I called my dad, and he sat in with Tristan. He said everything was fine. Tristan was free. It was a misunderstanding.

“I did nothing. You can’t prove anything.” She straightened her shoulders and looked around the bar.

“You did nothing? You lied to everyone!” I screamed at her, and then a calm set over me.

“But I’m not a liar, Anna. I know a secret, don’t I?

” That night at the party, the one where Tristan beat up Austin.

Anna had lied about not being pregnant that night.

Austin was not the father of her oldest child.

“Ev.” Tristan whirled me around. He cupped my face between his hands. “Don’t do this. Nothing happened. I’m fine. We are all fine. She’s not worth it.”

“But you are.” Tristan had told the cops he had been at Shannon’s earlier but was with me most of the night. Shannon said the same thing. I really thought it was the drugs.

“Let it go. Please.” He pressed his forehead to mine.

“But she…”

“Hush.” He kissed me. “It’s over. I’m okay. Let it go.”

“Fuck if it is.” Bailey slapped Anna hard. “Get the fuck out of here now.”

“Okay, slugger.” Noah put his arm around his girlfriend.

“Sorry, pregnancy hormones, I guess.” She gave me a lopsided smile.

“Fuck.” That was all Craig could say.

“My dad knew?”

“Yeah.”

“And Noah and Craig. But you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think it mattered.”

I opened my mouth to say more, but Callie stepped in. “We should call it a night.”

“Yeah.” Craig helped Callie put her coat on. “Plus, it’s a big day tomorrow.”