21. Tiffin Talks Honor Board #2
Pippa laughs. “But you’re not actually going to kick me out?
I elevated this school, I gave it style, I served on the staff of the ’Bred Bulletin, I interviewed your boyfriend, Dr. Coopersmith.
” She waits a beat after saying this, and although Audre wants to throttle the girl—the entire school somehow learned that, while this gross debacle was unfolding at the Sacks’s residence, Audre and Coop were out on a date—she tries not to react.
“You people can’t even get me into college!
I got rejected from Miami! Can you blame me for wanting to get completely wasted? ”
Erik Sacks stands, holding up his palms in supplication. “Let’s all calm down. I think I have a solution.” He cocks his head and gives a coy smile. “Maybe?”
“What would that be, Mr. Sacks?” Cordelia asks.
“Is there any way to levy a punishment just short of expulsion?” he asks. “A suspension, maybe? Followed by probation? If you’re willing to consider this, I would be very grateful.”
“Don’t grovel, Daddy,” Pippa says. “These people aren’t worth it.”
The girl is her own worst enemy, Audre thinks. Had she shown up crying, or at all contrite, there might have been a modicum of hope. But now, even if somehow four members of the board vote to let her stay, Audre will most certainly overrule, as is her prerogative.
“I think we’re finished here,” she says.
But apparently not quite finished, because at that moment the door opens and an attractive brunette in a pencil skirt and stiletto pumps enters the room.
“Sorry I’m late,” she says. “Louboutins are not campus shoes. What did I miss?”
Rhode bows his head, wishing himself invisible. What did I miss? This is suddenly the question. The woman standing before them now, Pippa’s mother, is the same woman Rhode met at the Alibi and had sex with on two separate occasions.
How did Rhode not realize this? He knew Pippa lived somewhere in Haydensboro. This woman, S, told Rhode she had a daughter, and that daughter drove a Land Rover and “thinks she’s Karen Blixen.” Wasn’t that the first thing Rhode learned about Pippa—that she’d climbed Kilimanjaro?
S stood for Sondra Sacks. Rhode has never watched a single minute of reality TV. He had no idea what Sondra Sacks looked like before now, nor did he care.
Hadn’t Rhode heard that the kids were partying in a shack that caught on fire? Rhode heard “shack” and thought of some dilapidated structure deep in the woods—but now he knows it was the She-Shed, and he knows how it caught on fire. All those candles.
“Pippa and Mr. Sacks can fill you in,” Audre says. “We’ll make our deliberations and contact you about the outcome as soon as we can.”
“They’re threatening to kick her out,” Erik Sacks says.
“Kick her out?” Sondra says. “You can’t kick her out. We paid tuition.”
“If that’s the conclusion we reach, your spring semester tuition will be refunded,” Audre says.
“How will Pippa finish high school?” Sondra asks.
“I’m afraid I don’t have the answer to that,” Audre says. “Now, if you’ll excuse us…”
Yes, Rhode thinks. Bye-bye.
“Wait a minute,” Sondra says. There’s an eerie pause and then she cackles—and it’s this grating noise that causes Rhode to finally look up. “It is you.”
Rhode stares at Sondra while the rest of the people in the room stare at Rhode.
“Me?” he says. His voice has an embarrassingly squeaky quality.
“Probate attorney, my ass,” Sondra says. “I knew you were lying, but I didn’t know you worked at my daughter’s school. What kind of pervert are you?”
“Ew, Mom,” Pippa says. “Mr. Rivera is my English teacher. Please tell me you didn’t bring him home.” She gasps. “He’s not Mr. Fantabulous, is he?”
“He is Mr. Fantabulous.” Sondra shakes her head. “You’d better not vote to expel my daughter after I pity-fucked you.”
Audre stands up. “That will be all,” she says, nodding at the door. “Thank you.”
Rhode prepares himself for blowback—from Audre, from the kids, from his gym buddy, Cordelia Spooner—but Taylor, who is pale and perspiring, leads a quick, no-nonsense vote. She gives two choices: expel or alternate punishment.
True to his nature, Rhode would have at least debated the possibility of an alternate punishment, but the confrontation by S quashed all mercy. Rhode votes to expel—and feels a burst of sadistic pleasure (pity-fucked!) when the decision is unanimous.
When Audre returns to the Manse, she finds Erik Sacks waiting outside the door to her office.
“May I have a word?” he says. “Privately?”
Audre isn’t sure why she’s surprised. Men like Erik Sacks are used to getting what they want.
But not today, Audre thinks.
“I don’t think so, I’m sorry.”
“Please?” Erik gives her a disarming smile. “I’d appreciate just one more minute of your time. There’s something I’d like to run past you.”
Audre considers waiting for Cordelia to return so she isn’t alone with the man, but then she chastises herself for being cowardly. Audre is the Head of School, she can hold her own. She opens her office door and ushers him inside. “You have one minute, Mr. Sacks.”
Audre settles behind her desk while Erik Sacks takes the chair opposite. “I was just wondering if there was anything I could do to keep Pippa enrolled here at Tiffin.”
If Audre were very honest with herself, she’d confess she knew this was coming: Erik Sacks is going to offer her a bribe.
“Anything you can do?” Audre says.
“Anything I can give?” Erik Sacks asks. “Donate?”
Audre takes a beat. Would Pippa’s exoneration be worth seven million dollars to him? No chance. What about five million? Two million? This is a rare opportunity: money that can be slipped into operating under the line item unrestricted gift from anonymous donor.
She imagines how liberating it would be to have her budget restored. She would get back to doing her job. She would be able to sleep at night.
But the Honor Board has made its decision. How will Audre explain reversing it? She could always pull out the “extenuating circumstances” excuse, or leave her decision unexplained, which is her prerogative as Head.
“Mr. Sacks,” she says. She’s about to stress how discreet they would have to be if she were to allow this, but Erik Sacks must be anticipating a different response because he leans forward in his chair and says, “Let’s not play games, Ms. Robinson. I’ve heard you can be bought.”
Audre flinches. Erik Sacks runs something called the Brigantine Group in New York. He probably knows, or knows of, Jesse Eastman, though Jesse would never, ever have shared a single detail about their arrangement. Still, there might have been whispers.
Audre stands up. “You heard wrong,” she says. “The Honor Board’s decision was to expel. It was unanimous. You’ll be receiving an official email to that effect by day’s end, and you can expect a return of your spring tuition in full next week. Thank you, Mr. Sacks. Safe travels home.”
We worry that the Kringle—the annual carols and lessons service followed by a holiday party in the Egg for upperclassmen—will be subdued this year due to the news that Pippa Sacks has been kicked out of school.
But if anything, the mood is more exuberant.