Chapter 30 Confessions #2
Alianna realised that she was not ready to let him go.
Alianna slowly sat up in bed, pushing the covers off of her and standing, moving as quietly as she could.
She crept to her wardrobe, sliding open the door and pulling out a small floral rucksack.
She pulled a dress off a coat hanger, a top, and picked up a pair of shorts.
As silently as she could muster, she stuffed them into her bag.
“Sneaking off somewhere?” came a voice from behind her, cutting through the silence of the night.
Alianna turned around, and Rionan’s head was propped on his hand as he looked at her, his question written on his face.
“No, I’m not. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Alianna sat back down on the bed, placing her bag on the floor by her feet. She pulled her knees up to her chest, angling her body so that she could see him.
“Then why are you packing a bag in the middle of the night?” Rionan crooned, pushing himself up into a sitting position. His voice was light and cheerful, but behind this, Alianna could hear the notes of concern that laced his words.
Alianna braced herself for the conversation they were about to have. She turned fully now, facing him, sitting cross-legged on her bed. She scanned his face, his chest, the tattoos that glazed his body. The way the light fell on him made those tattoos look like smoke curling across his skin.
“I want to come with you,” she blurted out, heart in her throat.
“What?” Rionan asked, his eyes wide in disbelief.
Alianna wondered if she thought he meant to go to the museum. But he was no fool. He was the Lord of Western Xanthia and could easily see what she was implying.
“Tomorrow. When you have the stone, and it is time for you to return to Xanthia. I want to come with you. Please.”
Rionan just stared at her, his eyes filled with emotions she would find it hard to place, if not for the bond between them.
She felt it in her chest – sadness, worry, anger, happiness, love – so many emotions hit her all at once, that she almost felt the need to put a hand to her heart to ensure it was beating as it should be.
But still, Rionan’s face did not change.
His eyes were wide, expression drawn. Slowly, his lips, which had been parted, sealed together and pulled into a thin line.
“Why would you want to come with me?” he asked. Alianna saw this for what it was: Rionan needed to hear her say the words that she had not yet voiced.
Alianna stared at him in silence, mouth ajar, wondering how she could put into words the request she was making of him.
She knew that she was asking him to take her to a realm full of magic wielders, in the throes of civil war.
She knew how dangerous this situation was likely to be for her.
But she still found herself struggling to care about the risks.
She would be with him; he would be with her.
She was his. He was hers.
Connection.
Mattering.
She knew now that she needed to be with Rionan, like the sun needed the moon.
In a harsh movement, Rionan swung his legs to the side and stood up. He began to pace back and forth, his face contorted into a look of what bordered on rage.
“Rionan?” Alianna asked tentatively.
He paused his pacing, fixing his stare on her. “I ask again, Ali. Why would you want to come with me? You know what awaits me in Xanthia. Why would you want to come with me?”
“Because I love you!” she shouted, throwing her arms out on either side of her. She realised that he was panting now, wrestling with himself, like he was working to try and control the tidal wave of emotion that she knew rose to the surface with every word they spoke.
Rionan spun around and slammed his palm into the wall, cursing as he did so.
The plaster splintered around his hand, cracking and spreading in different directions.
He rested his forehead against the wall, breathing in deeply, slowly, calming himself.
His head was lowered, as if he were a defeated male.
Alianna considered whether it was wise to continue speaking now, when this was the first time she had seen any sort of outburst from him. But now she had opened the flood gates on how she was feeling…it was difficult not to.
“I love you, Rionan. I don’t know when this happened.
This was supposed to be a fling. A summer fling with a hot guy on a business trip.
I suppose you never really lied about the business trip, if we look at the technicalities.
This was just going to be fun, with no strings,” Alianna sucked in a breath, ignoring the fact that Rionan still rested his forehead against the wall, breathing heavily, and continued.
“But it became more than that, didn’t it?
I don’t know when. It might have been in the gardens that night.
It might have been at dinner. It might have been on the balcony that night we were interrupted by that god damn waiter. ”
Alianna stood from the bed. “Or maybe it was when I realised what you truly were. And when I realised that a male from a magical realm, who is so different to me, is actually not that different at all. I should have been terrified of you, Rionan. Terrified. And I guess for a few hours, I was. But then I realised you’d bought a phone – a mobile phone that you probably had no idea how to use, just to talk to me.
I realised that I felt so at ease in your company.
I realised that you and I both want the same things.
Those things don’t have to be here, Rionan. They can be in Xanthia.”
His shoulders had stilled, his head turned slightly towards her over his shoulder, and his hand still rested against the wall.
“I love you, Rionan. The magic between us knew that before I did. Now that I’ve realised it, I am not willing to let you leave without me. So please. Take me with you.”
The air around them stilled, the impact of Alianna’s words hanging between them. Ali felt like she was going to be sick with the apprehension of waiting for him to say something.
“When I met you,” Rionan started, his voice coming out low and husky, “when I started getting to know you. Started enjoying your company, and craving more of it. I tried to tell myself I was not selfish.”
Rionan dropped his hand to his side and turned to face Alianna. He wore an expression of devastation that made Alianna tremble.
“But I was wrong, wasn’t I?” he continued, “I am selfish. Because I find myself bonded to a beautiful woman – a human. You are so fragile, so breakable, Ali. You ask me to take you into our world, which poses such a risk to you,” Rionan looked at the floor.
Alianna felt a rush of self-disgust that she knew was not her own.
“And I find myself willing to agree to this.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that, Rionan!” Alianna cried, rushing towards him and cupping his face in her hands. He lifted his head, and she was shocked to find a tear running down his cheek.
“Is there not?” he asked, an undertone of fury in his words.
“Is there nothing wrong with knowing that I would take you to a realm that is dangerous for you, Ali, purely because of my own selfish needs? Because I don’t want to be away from you?
Because spending time apart from you now makes me feel like I am being torn open?
Because being able to hold you close, breathe you in, and see your smile brings a light to my soul that I have never experienced before?
Is any of that a good enough reason to take you to Xanthia with me, Ali? ”
Rionan’s voice was hard, full of rage that Alianna knew was not directed at her.
“My world is not like the Xanthia I showed you, Ali. It has changed and has been ravaged by the darkening power of our Eastern Lord, Rannirr. Where beautiful creatures rested, monsters now thrive. Where the land was lush and full of life, wastelands now grow. We are at war, Ali. It is such a risk to you. And if they find out what you are to me - ”
“I’ll hide, Rionan,” Ali interjected, cutting him off. “I’ll do what you tell me I need to do. I can run, I can hide, I can try to fight. I might even be able to help. You have told me that I have helped so far. I could help again.”
“You think hiding will be enough?” Rionan gritted out. “Ali, they will be able to smell our bond as soon as they are around you. Both our allies and our enemies. You can be tracked. You can be followed. And if anyone threatens to harm you...”
Alianna felt anger race through her body like a white-hot flame as the air surged with a fire-like energy. She felt heat pulsing from Rionan as his body began to shake, and a clap of thunder echoed across the sky outside.
“Rionan,” she whispered, pulling him closer to her in an effort to calm him.
“If anyone threatens to harm you,” he continued, “I will find them, and I will wipe them from existence. I will tear them apart to know that you are safe.”
Alianna said nothing as thunder boomed again outside. She ran a hand down Rionan’s arm, trying to soothe away the anger that was making his power flare. His shaking slowly eased, his breathing shallow.
Alianna pulled Rionan to her, and he rested his forehead against her own. Another silent tear of rage and sadness slid down his face, down his nose, dropping onto her cheek.
“Do you see what you do to me, Ali?” he asked, his question quiet. “You make me lose control. I rarely lose control of myself, but with you - you could ask anything of me, Ali, and I fear I will agree, because my selfish needs override my good senses.”
“Please take me with you,” she whispered again.
For the first time since this discussion began, he raised his eyes to look at her.
“I love you, Rionan. I know that there is risk. I know that there is danger. You are worth it, Rionan. What we have is worth it. I know I ask you to go against all of your instincts, but you said yourself that something kept drawing you to me. Who is to say our journey is supposed to end here, in Porthan?”
Rionan stared at her, his gaze so piercing that she felt as if he saw all of her. All of her dreams, her hopes, her desires. All at once. For long moments, neither of them moved. Neither of them spoke. Rionan just stared at Alianna, and Alianna stared back.
“You were brought to me for a reason, Ali,” Rionan said, his voice a gentle caress against her cheek.
“I love you. I need you like a fire needs air. It’s suffocating.
Yet I can’t burn without you. Whenever I find myself trying to think of something else, my thoughts always return to you.
I can’t get enough. I can’t be away from you. ”
Rionan inhaled slowly, breathing her scent in, the tension releasing from his shoulders as he did so. “If you want to come with me to Xanthia – perhaps against all of my better judgment – then I will agree to take you there with me.”
As the words left his mouth, Alianna pulled Rionan’s lips to meet her own, kissing him thoroughly.
He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him, their bodies flush.
Alianna felt a warmth spreading through her chest as that same soothing glow filled the air around them.
Time seemed to slow, and the air hummed, encasing them in all they had just shared and the promises made.