Chapter 50
The Letter
When Alianna opened her eyes, she was in her bed, staring up at her apartment ceiling. Although her vision was blurry, it seemed to clear much more quickly this time, like her body was getting used to this process of jumping between Realms.
She sat up, looking around for signs of Rionan in her bedroom. When she found none, she slowly made it to her feet, walking into her living room.
Her heart sank into her stomach when she noticed a letter on the table, and a mobile phone next to it.
Grabbing at the letter, she unfolded it with shaking hands, tears dropping down onto the words written in such elegant handwriting. She had not seen his handwriting before, she now realised, her fingers fumbling with the paper.
Alianna cursed at herself, angling the letter so as not to get it any wetter than she already had.
My Ali,
Please forgive me.
As I watched you sleep, I considered for a long while whether it was best that I stay with you until you awaken, or return to Xanthia as you slept.
I decided the latter. The prospect of letting go of you now is already hard enough.
To do it while staring into your eyes, whilst holding you against me, breathing you in – I try to think of myself as a brave male, Ali.
A male who is able to make the right choices. But I am not sure that I would do it.
I have promised that I will return for you, and it is a promise I intend to keep.
If you wish to create a life without me, I understand.
But know that every day I am without you, I will be thinking of you. Dreaming of you. I will not rest until I see you again. When I am able to bring you home to Xanthia with me, should you still wish for it to be your home too, I will ensure it is a safe Xanthia for you to live in.
If you change your mind, and you decide to stay within Porthan, I will never resent you for it.
I just hope that you can find it in yourself not to resent me for the decision I have had to make for us both.
I love you, Ali. This is not goodbye.
Until we meet again.
Yours,
Rionan
As her hands shook and she tried to process the words that she held in front of her, the phone on the table vibrated, startling her.
Alianna picked up the phone, realising it was Rionan’s.
The lock screen was set to that stupid picture she had taken of herself, back in The Rinniel. Alianna wanted to laugh at the memory, but she could not. How could he do this? Just leave her here – with no proper goodbye? Just a letter and his god damned phone?
The text message notification stared up at her as she fought her feelings of rising anger.
Opening the message chain, she realised he had sent Natasha a text.
Rionan
12:05: Hi Tasha. It’s Max. Ali has arrived back at her apartment after returning home with me for a while.
She might be feeling a bit under the weather.
Could you please come to hers when you get this, and bring with you some snacks, a latte, and Shadow?
I know Ali is eager to see him. Thank you for being such a good friend to Ali. I know you will take great care of her.
Max. Natasha still thought he was called Max.
She didn’t know if she could tell her friend any of what had actually happened. She most likely would not believe her.
Natasha
16:31: is this your final sign off message then now that summer is over? weird. you better not break her heart, max! tell her ill be there in 10. shadow will be so excited he might send her flying. See you max. dont be a stranger, for alis sake
Alianna felt grief overcome her as she let go of the letter. The phone clattered onto the table. She dropped to her knees.
Alianna took her damp face in her hands, desperate to wake up from yet another nightmare.
***************
Four weeks had passed.
Four long weeks.
Alianna had not returned to her job at the café, despite Natasha thinking it could be good for her. Alianna had only laughed bitterly when Natasha had said that.
“Once, you wanted me to expand my horizons and stop working in that coffee shop, Tasha. Now you want me to go back? Having a summer fling was your idea, wasn’t it?”
Alianna’s chest ached so, so painfully. She felt like something had been ripped from her. Something she so desperately needed to get back, but had no way to reach.
Her headaches were getting worse by the day, without Ykava’s tonics. They started off as dull, thumping annoyances, but quickly became migraines that would not shift.
She sat in the darkness in her apartment. Her blinds pulled down, television off. It did nothing to soothe the pain that threatened to blind her each evening. The pain in her head. The pain in her chest.
Sleep was no true reprieve – the nightmares of Ulreah’s lifeless face returning to her, the longer she was away from Xanthia.
Alianna walked Shadow along East Beach every day, with thick, dark sunglasses on. She would not set foot on West Beach again.