Chapter 21
Helena
“What do you mean, you missed the mixer?” Linyue said, her Shanghai accent popping in full color over the phone. I trudged through the streets like they were a punishment, the feelings forming a heavy stone in the base of my stomach.
“I wasn’t feeling it.”
“You weren’t feeling it? And with no advance warning? What about Ms. Branch? Tell me she at least went.”
“Ms. Branch isn’t going to anything now,” I laughed bitterly. That did the impossible—Linyue calmed down, sounding curious now.
“What? Tell me what happened.”
“You want the long version, or the short version?”
“Give me the summary while I get my tablet and then give me the long version.”
“She lost her home and is leaving New York.”
I heard her suck in a sharp hiss of air over the phone. “What? Bring her back.”
“I don’t know if I’m feeling that. The long version will explain why. Do you have your tablet ready?”
“If it will recognize my damn fingerprint. Okay, long version. Start from the beginning and talk quickly.”
I told her the long version on the long walk to my apartment, where I kicked my shoes off by the door, dropped my bag on the floor, and fell onto the couch, lying down staring at the ceiling as I finished the explanation.
Even now, in her absence, Julie kept pulling off the impossible with Linyue: for a long time, Linyue was quiet.
“You still there?” I said.
“I’m here. I’m just thinking of what to do with her. Fighting her in the street is probably uncouth.”
“Linyue, come on. You’ve seen the girl. You wouldn’t even have to fight her, just make like you’re about to throw a punch and she’ll drop.”
“Your dates are bad luck, I swear.”
“She wasn’t…” I sighed frustratedly, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I guess they are.”
“I will see what I can do about the event, how to recover from both of you missing the mixer. How to… recover from losing Ms. Branch. We have some float.” She was quiet for a minute. “Except that we’ve lost you too, I can only imagine.”
“I’ll be okay,” I said hoarsely. “Just need a night off.”
“I don’t know why you lie to me. You will not be okay. You’re a silly girl who keeps falling for people who have bad intentions and it is going to leave its mark.”
“I wasn’t falling for anyone, Linyue, just… we just had a little casual thing.”
“But you’re still heartbroken. This is why you should let me plan your dates.”
I smiled thinly, even though I still didn’t feel anything, like every emotion had been sucked out and I was just vacant, just a body that was here in the room. “I can always count on you to make the situation worse.”
“You were in no state to perform as it was. I understand the situation clearly now. You were unhappy and unwell and snuck out to do this thing with Ms. Branch, and you were only doing well when you had her with you. If anything, I imagine you will only be worse now than you were before.”
“I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t know if you’re consoling me or insulting me right now, Linyue.”
“I am doing both. I will consult with your parents, but I believe the best option right now is to place you on leave.”
“On leave? From what?”
“Everything.”
Dammit. I’d argue if she weren’t right. I couldn’t imagine getting up tomorrow and going to my shoots, my events, everything as normal. But the last thing I wanted was to just have time to wallow and feel stupid. “I need something to do,” was what I finally said.
“No. You rest, you eat well, you exercise, and you read. Make sure to do plenty of reading. Even if your body is tired, you can’t let your mind become lazy. I will discuss this with your parents.”
“Linyue,” I protested, but she made that sharp ah noise that said there was no arguing.
“We will discuss this later. Rest tonight.”
She hung up, just like that, no room for me to interject. I let the phone fall next to me, lying there feeling cold as I stared up at the ceiling a while longer.
∞∞∞
Estelle met me at a classy wine bar in SoHo, where I had to squeeze up a narrow flight of stairs and duck through a too-small doorway to get into the place filled with jazz music, low lights, polished wood and brass accents.
Estelle was waiting at a table just under where a live pianist played on the stage, holding up a bottle of Bordeaux Merlot, and I sat down with her.
“I appreciate you taking time to meet me,” I said, and her thin, forced smile wavered even more.
“Oh, god, babe, listen to you. That’s something you say to the financial auditor you don’t really like, not the girl who threw pizza at you in middle school. You really do need some wine.”
“Look… yes, I do.” I took the glass she poured me, and I closed my eyes as I sipped it, the sensation of it flooding me with relief. “I feel like such an idiot.”
“Linyue didn’t tell me much, just that Ms. Branch pulled a fast one on you and now you’re not well and taking leave.”
“Mm…”
“So, she wasn’t Cassandra after all.”
“Julie Branch, all along. She was just playing a persona to try to get in with people.”
“So… is she actually married?”
I let out a short laugh. “No. Never had it go that way before. Usually I get people lying that they aren’t.”
She leaned forward, hands folded on the table. “So, now that we have that established, you can admit if you two banged.”
“Several times, yes.”
“And she didn’t tell you even while you were sleeping together! What else was she lying to you about?”
I shrugged. “I… I don’t know.”
“Where is she now? I’ll go have a talk with her.”
“Oh. She didn’t tell you that part, huh?” I shook my head. “I don’t know if she’s still in the city.”
“What, she’s running away now?”
“Lost her apartment and basically all her possessions. Last I checked in she was trying to get a case started with the slumlord who threw her out and stole all her things so that her contact could collect his collateral, and then she was leaving.”
She stared, jaw hanging open, blinking slowly. “She was living in a slum? And got kicked out?”
“Laundry closet, from the sounds of things.” I described it all for her, too, everything Julie had told me at the courthouse, and slowly, she softened, a sad look in her eyes.
I drank the wine a little faster than I should have as I told her, and I was grateful for the piano music just next to us, drowning us out for the rest of the room.
By the end, Estelle looked like she’d cry.
“That’s awful,” she said.
“It is what it is. I need to stop taking everyone who approaches me at face value.”
“I mean…” She shrugged helplessly. “It doesn’t sound like she was lying about that much.”
I set down my wine, looking at her incredulously. “No? Just her name, her job, her marital status?”
“Well, jeez, Hellie, when you put it that way. But like… she did tell you her name. And she is a music talent agent by now, and she is connected to Jewel, and it was real when she got you in with Jewel. Even with all of that, from every time I talked to her, it’s not like she ever wanted anything but the best for you.
She wasn’t lying to get something out of you, it was just… the situation she was in.”
“Are you taking her side right now?”
“I’m just saying, what would have been different if she’d told you the truth? If she’d introduced herself as Julie and said she was trying to get into the music industry as a talent agent?”
“We… it…” I shook my head. “It’s the principle of the thing, and you know it. If she’ll lie about that, what else will she lie about?”
“I just think you care enough about her that you don’t want to cut this connection off altogether because of this. I mean, from the sounds of things, she never really wanted to lie about anything, it was just bad luck and not knowing when to cut her losses.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Stellie, please. I can’t do this right now.”
She sighed. “I get that. I am sorry it happened this way.”
“Even if I were incandescent with rage and hated her to the core of my being, it would still be awful what happened to her,” I said quietly. “I just… hope she’ll be all right, whatever happens now.”
“She seems like a smart woman. I’m sure she’ll make the most of what you gave her.” She sipped her wine, thinking carefully, before she spoke. “So you don’t hate her for it?”
I shook my head. “It would be a lot easier if I did.”
“Mm.” She smiled softly, putting her hand on mine. “Tonight, we’re just going to have a good time, and all of those problems are for our future selves to solve.”
“Yeah.” I smiled weakly at her. “Thanks. For this. I really appreciate it.”
“I was bored anyway. Let’s see who else we can invite. Someone’s gotta be free in the neighborhood.”
“From your contacts list? Probably about seventy people. I don’t think there’s room in here.”
“Well, first come first served. Let’s see who wins the Estelle Fong Olympics.”
We didn’t get seventy people, but Estelle did have a hell of a lot of friends, and it wasn’t long before we were joined by three other girls we’d both worked with before, and thankfully, I got to lose myself in a night of conversation and laughter and dancing, all over nothing at all, just for the sake of doing it.
We went out before long and found another place, and then another, and then another, late into the night, until one of the girls peeled off to go make out with someone at the club, and then we sort of dissolved, each branching off until it was just me and Estelle on the way back to my apartment at night, and she gave me a hug in the doorway.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said.
“I don’t need babysitting.”
She stuck her tongue out. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Why do I attract all the stubborn people into my life?” I said, but there was no use. I guess I’d see her tomorrow.
It was only once I was lying in bed that I realized how much I needed that, drifting in the empty feeling.
I didn’t want to go be some ridiculous startup influencer or whatever.
And I didn’t want to do modeling. I didn’t want to go to fancy events and party with people carefully selected by Linyue, and I didn’t want to have meetings, endless meetings.
I didn’t want to see Julie again, and I didn’t want her to go.
I didn’t want anything. Just to sleep. So eventually, I managed to sleep, just a little bit.