Chapter 22
Julie
Mom picked up the phone. “Julie?” she said. “What’s going on?”
“Hey, Mom,” I said, sitting far back in the armchair in my hotel room, looking up at where the AC was rattling with its air-conditioner smell filling the room. “It’s just about my move back, uh—”
“Did some New Yorker man dump you again?”
“Oh my god. It was a woman. I’m gay.”
“Oh, whatever it is. I don’t care what you are. I just can’t understand why. Don’t you want to have kids?”
Oh, god, this conversation was going to be every minute of my new life in just a day or two, probably. I was going to throw up. “Listen, I’ve had some things happen here, and…”
“I’m sure you have. There’s always something awful happening there. You know, I heard about a stabbing that happened there. I was worried sick it might have been you.”
Well, so worried she forgot to even ask me if I was okay. Or check the news report she was looking at to see if the one victim in a city of eight million people was me. “Well, luckily I was not stabbed,” I said. “But I did have some things happen with my apartment here, and—”
“And the apartment prices, it’s ridiculous. Don’t you want to come back to Benley? It’s nice here, plenty of nature, much cheaper, easier to drive in.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking a breath.
“You know, actually, I would love to. In fact, I was thinking…” I trailed off when my phone buzzed in my hand, and I looked at where I had another call coming in.
Which was normal, I had a lot of people I expected to come yelling at me around now, but what was not normal was that it was Estelle’s name on the caller ID.
“You were thinking what?” Mom said. “I can’t hear you over that awful noise.”
“Uh—hang on, Mom, I’ll call you back. Sorry.”
“Oh, you see, this is what I mean,” Mom said, but I wasn’t listening.
I hung up on her, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach as I picked up the phone.
So that Estelle could give me the yelling-at that I deserved, I guess.
Helena had been too nice to me, and I knew I needed a dressing-down, and I was here to collect.
That was really the only explanation for why I picked up.
“Hello?” I said, and Estelle launched right into speaking.
“Where are you?”
“Um… in a hell of my own making, primarily.”
“Very clever, Julie Branch. Tell me you haven’t run away yet.”
Oh, god, she was going to kill me. Couldn’t she at least have gotten Helena to kill me? I wouldn’t have minded so much if it was her. “So I guess Helena told you everything.”
“Oh, my god, answer the question.”
“I’m still here. In a hotel in northern Queens.”
“Northern Queens is a big place. You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“Are you trying to track me down?”
“Oh, well, aren’t you a smart one, Julie Branch!”
I guess I could see now why Stephen Shale felt weird when I did that with him. “I don’t remember owing you money.”
“Tell me where you are or I will find it by other means.”
“Other means? That’s ominous.”
“How do you think Helena found you at that courthouse?”
Shit, I hadn’t even thought about that. I gave her the address, and she told me not to move one inch or I’d pay for it, and then she hung up. I wondered what you were supposed to do with the last few minutes of precious life. If this were your last day, what would you want to do with it?
What I would want to do with it was kiss Helena again. But I doubted she was interested in that.
All this time sitting here in New York, all this work trying to get to glittering cityscapes and fancy offices, and after experiencing it all, all I really cared about was Helena.
I probably should have called Mom back, but I guess I didn’t see the point if Estelle was going to drown me in the river soon, so I just waited until she sent a text that she was in the lobby, and I trudged down the stairs to find her there in a tank top and shorts, a slapdash outfit and enough concealer I felt like she was covering up for sleep deprivation. She put her hands on her hips.
“Miss Julie Branch,” she said. “What exactly do you have to say for yourself?”
I wasn’t really expecting what came out of my mouth, but I guess I wasn’t surprised it was about her. “Is Helena okay? She’s not pulling out of everything with Jewel, is she?”
She nodded back towards the doors. “Let’s grab lunch. That’s what I wanted to talk about.”
“Oh. I thought you were coming to tie me up and throw me in the river.”
She grinned. “Nah. Watch out for Linyue, though, she absolutely wants to.”
“Linyue does? God, she probably has a project plan for it, too.”
“This is your neighborhood. What’s good to eat around here?”
I cleared my throat. “Do you like pizza?”
It was a strange crossing of worlds as Estelle followed me into Tasty Slice, and Tubman was at the counter, dropping an earthshaking whoooaaa at the sight of us coming in the building.
“Julie, you dog!” he said.
“Hey. Can it, Tubman. We’re talking about Helena.”
“Shoulda realized you was a player, Julie!”
“Man, you should have stayed in the bath this morning. Two slices of cheese pizza. With the secret sauce.”
Estelle had a curious smile as we sat down, her perfect manicure a contrast against the cheap-ass plastic cup and paper plate as she picked up the slice. “You even have pizza parlor connections.”
“Ha. They’re Kingmaker’s crew. This is what he calls his forward base. Spot just behind you is where I first met him.”
“Should I be worried about the secret sauce?”
“Nah, it’s on all the pizza, but they keep it subtle normally. The crew knows to get it loaded up.” I took a bite of the pizza, slumping back in my seat as I did. “So… I’m really sorry about the whole thing.”
She didn’t miss a beat. “You meant every bit of what you felt about Hellie, though, didn’t you?”
“That I have a huge fucking crush on her? I mean, yeah.”
“More than a crush, from what I heard.”
I cleared my throat hard, looking away. “How much, uh… how much did you hear?”
She winked. “I got Hellie pretty drunk last night.”
“Uh… uh-huh.” I felt like I’d melt under the table. Estelle picked up her drink, sipping delicately at the straw, before she smiled.
“It was a really different venue last time I did this, but I need to ask your help with her.”
“With Helena?” I leaned forward. “Is she okay?”
“Not at all. She’s so miserable that Linyue ordered her off everything, and thing is, I think she’s probably right that Helena can’t do any good work right now.”
“What? But—what about the mixer? What happened?”
“Hellie skipped it.”
“Oh, Jesus. This is why I wanted to talk to her after it instead!”
She leaned in like we were sharing a secret. “You know she cares about you, right?”
I winced. “I’m confused about it, but I guess that was why she was so pissed off about me, uh…”
“Why didn’t you tell her earlier?”
“I was just—I swear, every step of the way, I didn’t understand why she was choosing to stick around with me.
I thought I was just getting to see her one time and that was all I’d get.
I’m confused how it went as far as it did.
” I looked down at my pizza, poking at it.
“And I guess also, I, uh… I didn’t want her to know what a loser I was. ”
“Well, dick move,” she said brightly. “So now you’re obligated to fix it.”
“Huh—fix it how?”
“By staying right where you are, and doing what you need to until she sees you really are exactly who she thought you were. I’m not letting you run away so easily.” She took a bite of the pizza, covering her mouth. “Oh, wow,” she said through a mouthful. “That is a tasty slice.”
“Ha. Yeah. That’s the secret sauce. Tubman’s magic.”
“I guess I owe you a favor for this pizza. So in exchange, I’ll help you out.” She put her hand across the table, reaching for mine. “What do you say? Give it another shot. Hellie’s hoping you will.”
Give New York a second last chance? After everything that happened? After getting screwed over, living a life of lies that collapsed around my ears, getting kicked out on the street, and even losing touch with my only real friend, Harold?
The alternative, of course, was going out and calling my mom again. Hearing all about how I needed to find a nice man and make some babies.
But at least that was safe. I was just so fucking tired of not being safe, of constantly dangling over the edge, never knowing how I’d afford the next month’s rent, if my trajectory was going down.
Struggling just to keep my head above water.
People weren’t meant to live like that. Life was never meant to be like that.
Man, this fucking city.
I took Estelle’s hand.