Chapter 27
Thealina
What Mallory had told me; I keep to myself. From the pain I sense in his aura, telling him his brother’s fate hadn’t been carved into stone and can be saved would tear him up inside. It would strip him of choice and force him back to do something that causes havoc on his soul.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t go back. I can be brave. For the both of us. I could save his brother and get my tongue back.
And Rafe doesn’t need to know a thing about it.
It won’t be long before he comes back to his cabin from Valandor.
He went to check on a few things and arrange for a stand in Portal Master, so whilst he’s there, I’m currently rooting through his belongings to try to find that letter.
The more detail I can find, the easier it’ll be for me to jump back and change Sam’s fate.
I could give Rafe his brother back.
And if I fail, then no one will be there to watch me. Rafe would be none the wiser. His brother would still be dead, and that’s his normal right now.
What’s the worst that’ll happen…
I just need to find that darn letter.
Kitchen drawers come up empty, as well as the bookcase and the trunk at the bottom of his bed. But if I wanted to stash something away, it would be under the bed.
Aha. A wooden box sticky with cobwebs lies at the head. It screeches against the floorboards as I pull it to me. The dust so thick, it’s clear Rafe hasn’t gone into this box for a long time.
Which seems promising.
It’s filled to the brim with cards and letters. And one small portrait painting.
That’s Rafe, so relaxed and carefree. Nothing like the brooding man I see today. And next to him must be Sam. An even lighter version of Rafe. An inch or so shorter, lighter hair, but same facial features, though Sam’s eyes are brighter, like his smile.
Looking at Sam, I feel like we would get along well. We would be the chipper, social butterflies, all singing, all dancing duo with Rafe no doubt glowering in the corner pretending to have a bad time.
The image I paint makes me chuckle, and I wonder what Sam’s laugh sounds like seeing as that’s where his nickname was born from.
Beneath the portrait is a small velvet pouch. I tug the strings open, and my heart skips a beat. Metal sunflowers and daisies. It’s a flower chain anklet.
And it’s mine.
I’d lost it the day I waited for him at the fountain. Kept fiddling with it as I watched people stroll by, hoping to see Rafe arrive at any moment. I must have loosened the clasp.
But Rafe has it. Which means he did turn up, and I wasn’t there.
A strangled sound comes from my chest at what could have been. Had I stayed a little longer maybe our lives would look so differently today.
I’d most definitely have my tongue.
Would we be lovers, I wonder. I feel like we would.
Rafe would have had a woman who could tell him how handsome, brilliant and loved he is.
How he’s brave, smart and intuitive. And I’d have a man who would empower my mind, not silence it.
A man who’d only touch me with gentle hands, a touch that would only create pleasure, not pain.
But fate made sure that didn’t happen though.
And if I don’t go back to take what was stolen from me, then Rafe would never hear the words ‘I love you,’ out loud.
No, Thea, limerence, not love. I internally slap myself.
What I feel for him, this sickening, overwhelming, intrusive obsession is limerence.
Like my mind has been hijacked by him. Craving his attention, affection and validation.
It’s a fantasy. The uncertainty and ache of wanting someone more than they want you.
Because how could he want me. A voiceless wench with no tongue to give him pleasure.
Because that’s what men think about don’t they.
It’s what my husband said when Rafe suggested he cut out my tongue.
No, we can’t go back to that place. I refuse to go back to that place.
A red monarchy seal glistens as the last beams of the sun shine through the window. My heart hammers. My fingers drift over the smooth wax before I unfold the letter, and scan only for the vital.
‘… much regret I must announce the death of Samual Foran, who fought so valiantly until drawing his last breath in the Battle of Sovo… 49th battalion… Water wielder’s… life indebted…
… saved Private Maxim Stow.’
He died saving someone. Sam died saving a Maxim Stow.
Fuck.
Which means, if I go back to save Sam, then Maxim Stow will die, and if he dies, when he’s not supposed to, it will ripple the fabric of time, and the consequences could be huge.
I wonder what Maxim means to the world. Maybe a future saviour. An inventor perhaps. Or maybe a child he creates becomes those things. The list is endless.
But Sam’s fate wasn’t carved in the stones she said. So maybe, with or without Sam, Maxim Stow survives?
Rafe was right calling our ability a curse. So many what ifs. So many consequences to the littlest actions. So many different timelines to be born.
The hum of a portal buzzes. I slam the box shut, push it back and dart to the door that branches off from the bedroom.
“Lina?”
‘Bathroom.’
“Got it.”
Rafe’s footsteps tell me he’s in the kitchen.
The telltale noise of the stove burning and the cast iron kettle being placed on top.
I puff out a nervous breath, my heart thumping a dozen.
I root around the bathroom cupboards to find soap so I can wait longer.
It’ll give my heart a chance to stabilise after snooping through Rafe’s private belongings.
Aha, soap and… oh, my embers—he has a woman.
This cabinet’s filled to the brim of cycle products, make-up, perfume, flowery soap. There’s even a haircap here. And hair ties.
Where is she? She must be somewhere, perhaps out of town visiting family. Oh, embers. Why didn’t he tell me. But we kissed. We’ve held each other in such intimate positions.
And the way he says my damn name!
“Because I don’t want to be just everyone, Lina.” He said that.
He. Said. That!
And when his dark glare bores into me, stripping my soul bare. He looks at me sometimes like I’m his next meal. Like I’ve hung the moon.
He looks at me sometimes like I’m… like I’m his.
The click of the cabinets shutting mix with my shaky breaths.
“Lina, there’s coffee out here.”
Rafe’s voice pulls me from my stupor.
It’s ok.
It’s ok.
It doesn’t change anything.
It doesn’t?
Nope, not a thing. I have shit to do and I will do it. I don’t need Rafe waiting for me at the end of it. He has a life. A woman. A home.
He has no role in my life and I with his. We’re just acquaintances temporarily teaming up. Yes, that’s what we are.
Except his smile when I come out from the bathroom doesn’t say temporary acquaintances. It screams lover and companion. Possession and obsession—of the most delicious kind.
‘You shouldn’t be looking at me like that,’ I snap, or try to, before accepting the coffee from his outstretched hand and take an interest in the shallow bowl of Taka and pearls.
To travel, I need to be able to recognise it. Become at one with it.
Rafe’s brows narrow when I risk a glance. His dark eyes glistening that little bit darker.
I pay him, nor his secret woman, no mind.
“Like what?” He says, resting a hip against the counter.
Like you want to take me in your arms, strip my body bare and show me what it’s really like to be pleasured as a woman.
Slurping on the coffee, I take a few stones in my hands, jiggling them about pretending I didn’t hear him.
“That I do.”
My body ignites under the liquid heat of his words, the cup of coffee almost falling from my hands.
‘Did I... did I just…’
“You did,” he smirks. The bastard smirks. I can almost see his chest puffing out the bigger his ego gets inflated.
‘Sleep deprivation is making me loopy,’ I say, flicking my hand in the air like its nothing whilst rubbing some stones.
“We slept away half the day.”
The memory of sharing Rafe’s bed and feeling his heat sear into me has my flesh tingling.
I ignore him. I need to get out of here before his lover comes flying through the door.
She’d call me a whore. Maybe even put her hands on me.
She’d gossip and the scandal would hit the streets.
The town would throw rotten food at me, and my husband—embers, my husband—I dare not think about his punishment.
‘We need to get a shift on. So, what’s the best way to do this.’ I throw a stone in the air, catching it in my palm, slurping my coffee.
Even I’d give me points for being unbothered and smooth.
Until the faint sense of a tug wraps around my body, and Rafe’s face grows pale. His mouth gapes and the room blurs. I scream his name but it’s too late.
I jump.