Chapter 36
Rafe
The first thing I felt was cold.
The space beside me was empty, the sheet cooling fast. Her scent still lingers on the linen—wildflowers, bergamot and something darker, something that makes my blood stir and ache in ways I can’t describe.
When I woke hours ago and reached out blindly, hoping, foolishly thinking she had just stepped away. Maybe she was by the fire, pulling her tunic over that perfect skin, or standing at the window watching the dawn crawl over the hills.
But there was nothing.
Just the crackle of dying embers and the soft hush of morning.
And her letter.
It sits on her pillow like a knife, my name scrawled by the hand I’d memorised from a hundred stolen glances, the ink smudged in one corner, as if her hand had trembled, or a tear had fallen.
Every word was a blade cutting me down, but still, I clutched it to my chest like a fool, like a man drowning holding a rock.
Because it was all I had left. Her words. Her scent in my bed. The ghost of her lips on my skin. And a promise—if I was hopeful enough to believe it—that maybe our paths will cross again.
I sit on the edge of the bed, for how long now, I don’t know, staring at the place where she had slept, where we made love… where she had broken me open. I run a hand down my face, the scrape of stubble a poor distraction from the hollow settling deep in my chest.
She’s gone.
And I don’t know where. I know where she’ll eventually go.
But she hadn’t jumped to that place, not yet, because I still remember her.
But her clothes she was wearing yesterday are missing, along with an old pack of mine, food, her book and quill and there’s a lot less Taka than there was yesterday. Which means she left on foot.
I understood why I couldn’t go with her. Help re-write her past.
It’s her battle she must overcome. And the sacrifice—me.
Us.
And that’s ok; I wanted her to choose herself, over everything.
I look down at the letter again, reading it for the hundredth time, my eyes stuck on the same line.
Last night was the perfect way to say goodbye.
A muscle in my jaw twitches. It wasn’t a goodbye. Not for me. Not yet. I’m not ready.
Her tattered, yellow dress still lingers with her delectable scent. I hold it to my face like some heartsick fool grasping onto what remains of the woman who’s taken complete control of my soul.
Heartsick. I snicker at the thought of future Rafe and his pestering. Now I understand as I inhale the fading warmth of her. It makes my throat burn. Quiet and peace was one of my most favourite things, now with my cabin feeling so empty—I fucking hate it.
Two questions pound my brain; do I care so much for her I have to let her go and do this by herself, for herself. Or do I care so much for her I need to be by her side, protecting her for when she does take back what he stole.
I’d love nothing more than for Lina, for women, to live in a world where they don’t have to keep a constant eye behind their shoulders. But man didn’t create such a world, and I wish I could tell her I’m so fucking sorry for that.
The letter rustles as I shove it in my back pocket and buckle my belt with more force than necessary. There’s no sense pretending this ache will leave me. I’ll carry it, like every other scar on my body, stitch it into my bones if I must.
Because I’m not done with her.
Not by a long shot.
She might have meant it as a goodbye, but I know something she doesn’t—Fates or no Fates, Lina. You can’t leave me and expect me not follow.
Dawn breaks over the hills, and somewhere out there, she’s walking toward whatever reckless plan she convinced herself she had to do alone.
She isn’t ready. She can barely control her jumps.
What if she jumps back into my 830 echo?
My bug-out pack is heavy on my shoulder, the dagger that sits in my thigh strap digs into my trousers, pinching my skin.
She’ll get herself killed if someone isn’t watching her back.
And it wasn’t going to be anyone else; it was always going to be me.
“Fates willing…” I murmur, standing outside on the deck, the cool breeze brushing against my skin. “…you’ll come back to me before I catch you.” I snicker to myself.
Because when I catch you, Lina, baby, I’ll show you just how good I can say goodbye.