Chapter 4
Ash Riley
Twenty-five minutes, three traffic jams, and fourteen unanswered calls later, I was struggling to keep my shit together.
He’d fucking seen me run out of the house. He’d heard me call out for him. He’d driven off anyway.
You’re not getting away from me this time, baby.
“This is Nathan Riley. Please leave a message after the tone, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
I growled and ended the call before I redialed.
No one says that anymore, Dad. Where’s the dial?
Shut up, Hallie. You didn’t roll down your window either.
“This is Nathan Riley. Please leave a message after the tone, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
“Goddammit!” I took a deep breath and waited for the beep.
There—fine, let’s do this instead, then.
“This is your fucking husband calling. I swear to Christ, I’m gonna hunt you down, Nate.
We need to have this conversation, and it’s not what you think.
So if you give the slightest fuck about our future, blow past your exit and drive to my house—right fucking now. You know my address.”
With that done, I ended the call, trapped my phone against the wheel, and sent a voice-to-text.
“If you ever loved me, you will listen to the voice message I just left you—send.” Fuck, I wasn’t done. New one. Okay. “I’ll never ask for anything again if you just do this for me—send.”
That last part might be a lie. It was up to him. I just needed him to feel the gravity of the situation.
He could ignore my calls, but I knew those texts popped up on the center display.
I blew out a breath and rubbed at my chest.
This bullshit ended today.
If he’d wanted me to move on, like he’d once fucking told me, he wouldn’t have hightailed it out of there earlier. And let’s not forget that he was dodging me like crazy too. The moment I’d told him we had to talk, he’d started avoiding me.
His exit was coming up, and I waited with bated breath to see if he was gonna take it.
Don’t even think about it.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to read his mind now.
Maybe control it a bit too, for a moment.
Don’t do it.
I switched lanes to get ahead of the two cars between me and Nate—
“Thank fuck,” I exhaled. My chest constricted, and my vision fucking blurred when he drove past his exit. He’d seen the message. He’d listened to me.
I sniffled and chuckled at how ridiculous I was. But that small win felt huge.
It was going to be us again.
Christ.
I wiped quickly at my cheek and shook my head.
It was too soon to claim victory, but that didn’t stop the onslaught of memories from better days to flick by in my mind.
Moments frozen in time—birthdays, Thanksgivings, early mornings, late nights, the sheer bliss when the house was quiet after we’d struggled to get all the kids to sleep…
Forehead to forehead in the shower, just him and me, catching our breaths, reconnecting.
Or all our mad road trips, when we’d snuck off for a minute alone to recharge our batteries.
I cleared my throat.
It’d been the darkest year of my life, and I was beyond ready for a ray of sunshine.
Pressure built up within me the closer we got to my house, and I felt my heart pounding faster and faster.
So much was at stake. Too much could go wrong.
But I was finally ready to do whatever he wanted.
What he needed for us to go forward. Or what he’d told me in the past that we needed.
Because it was what I needed too. I’d grown balls, I guessed.
Hopefully, I wasn’t too late.
Checking my watch, I figured I had a couple hours to play my cards right. By putting them all on the table. Dylan and Hallie were fine on their own, Mikey was with a friend, and Lily was with Nana.
After a few minutes of cars coming and going, I was right behind Nate again, and it took all my strength just to focus on keeping my breathing under control.
This was it.
By the time we drove onto my street, I was ready to move his shit over here and call it our house already. I was also ready to get on my knees and beg him.
Nate slowed down and pulled up in front of the house, and I passed him to park in the driveway.
Breathe, goddammit.
I killed the engine and climbed out before I could start second-guessing myself. Maybe that was what Nate was doing. He remained in his car with his hands gripping the wheel.
I swallowed and walked toward him—and the smallest minivan ever.
We should get a new one. Because if Nathan took me back, we were gonna have money again.
We should get an RV too.
I reached his car and stopped right outside his door, and I glanced both ways on the street.
Then I knocked on his window.
Come on, honey.
Nate slowly loosened his grip on the wheel, and he popped open the door.
He cleared his throat. “Why am I here, Ash?”
I opened the door wider and went with the truth. “So that I can welcome you home.”
He furrowed his brow and finally made eye contact—but it lasted less than two seconds before exhaustion took over, and he shook his head.
“Don’t play games with me,” he said. More than exhaustion. He looked broken, and it fucking hurt to see. “I know what’s next. You’ve met someone, so now we have to file for divorce.”
It was my turn to shake my head. That alternate ending sounded like absolute shit.
I wasn’t having it.
“I’ve met two someones, actually,” I replied and stepped back. “Let’s head inside. But I promise you right now, the last thing we’re gonna discuss is divorce.”
We’d tried the separation schtick. It didn’t work for us.
He reluctantly got out. “Two someones,” he echoed quietly. “It’s James that you work with, isn’t it?”
I nodded once and gestured for him to walk ahead of me.
He was a flight risk, so it was best to put myself between him and the car.
“And Jordan, his husband,” I said. “Jordan’s the switchy Little. James is…a mixed bag of vanilla, exhibitionist, humiliation slut, possible cuck, and…who knows what else.” I paused as I dug out my keys. “Both are curious about bondage too.”
Nate looked back at me with a blank expression, but there was something buried deep that wanted out. He needed me to spell it out.
I headed up the porch steps and…here goes everything. “The problem is, I can’t enter a playtime dynamic with them unless I have my husband by my side, and…I also don’t know shit about bondage.”
I unlocked the door and opened it, then made sure a feisty little kitten didn’t escape, but Paws wasn’t in the hallway. I turned off the alarm.
Stepping to the side, I waited for Nate to enter first. My heart went back to hammering, and my chest felt uncomfortably tight.
Say something.
He did walk in, but he wouldn’t look me in the eye. Not that it stopped me from seeing that his eyes were welling up.
I’d never been good with silence—if I was uncomfortable.
I was uncomfortable now.
I stood there like an idiot and fiddled with my keys while Nathan walked farther in. He removed his shoes and peered into the kitchen. Then he continued into the living room and stopped short when he saw all the pictures on the wall around the entertainment unit.
Seriously, what was going on inside his head?
I closed the door behind me and kicked off my boots.
What to say next?
Please give us a second chance, or I will hold you hostage here until you agree.
I pressed a fist to my chest in a feeble attempt to ease the knot of unease.
Once I reached the wide doorway to the living room, I couldn’t move another inch. He was clearly upset but trying to hold it together, and I didn’t know if that was good or bad. I didn’t know if he was holding back something else too, like rejection or… Just rejection.
But I had to say something. The cards weren’t on the table yet.
“I miss you so fucking much. Please don’t make me take off my ring.” And with those words out there, my throat closed up, and I scrubbed a hand over my jaw. “I can’t.”
He reacted in an instant, as if the levees broke.
A low sob escaped, and he cupped a hand over his mouth and turned away.
Fuck that, fuck that, fuck that. I’d never been able to handle seeing him upset.
It cut through my damn heart. Without even thinking about it, I stalked over to him and yanked him into my arms.
He fell apart, which would’ve hurt a lot more if he hadn’t hugged me back.
His arms around my middle became my life-force and filled my lungs with air.
I squeezed him tighter as he cried, and I pressed my lips to his temple.
“I thought you’d let me go,” he whimpered.
Fuck.
I shook my head minutely. “How could I ever do that?” My voice came out too thick, and I had to swallow hard and clear my throat. “You are my world, Nathan.”
Those low sobs of his tore through me—and they set me off too. I screwed my eyes shut and just held him as tightly as I could, and he did the same. It almost hurt, how hard he hugged me back. But I needed it more than words could describe.
It was like being glued back together.
“I’ve hated every fucking minute of this past year,” he croaked.
“Me too, baby. Me too.” I sniffled and wiped at my cheek.
Right when I thought I couldn’t hold him any tighter, I found more strength in my longing. It was physically impossible for me to go the other way and loosen my grip. We had so many cracks that needed mending.
Hey, he was the rigger. He could tie us together.
Breathe.
I didn’t know how long we stood there, two minutes, three, maybe four, but it wasn’t enough. I needed skin on skin, no expiration date, and no interruptions.
I hadn’t been hugged like this in ages…
Nathan has.
I sniffled once more and got stuck on that pissy, intrusive little thought.
Jealousy was a nasty bitch.
I had to clear my throat, ’cause I was the dumbass who was gonna fish for details.
“At, uh… At least you moved on a little bit. All I did was listen to sad ballads.”
He let out a tearful chuckle and shook his head. “At best, I was decent at pretending for a while.”
Thank fuck. Oh, thank fuck.
I’d needed to hear that.