Chapter 5
It’s been two days since I’ve seen Diana.
Since she kissed me.
And then she left.
I keep expecting her to turn up like nothing ever happened, maybe try to blame me, or, my traitorous brain adds unhelpfully, kiss me again.
Things had just started to be okay between us again. I was starting to stupidly hope that maybe we could be something again. And it was starting to be sort of fun working with her to save the garden.
Now, she’s gone and ruined everything.
Pat says I should be grateful for the peace and quiet. He’s stretched out on the rusty hood of his car, squinting against the sun as he counts the signatures we’ve managed to get without Diana.
We’ve got almost everyone in the trailer park to sign, plus a few of the men from the bar we paid off in smokes. “You know, Pat says, tossing the thin stack of papers down in front of him. “Usually when somebody disappears, that’s a sign they’re mad about something. What’d you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“So she did?”
I flip him off, but he still grins like he knows something. He doesn’t know shit.
“Don’t you have someone else to annoy?”
“Not till my shift starts.” He sits up, resting his elbows on his knees. “You’ve been checking the gate every five minutes, Lil. What happened between you two?”
I glare at him, flicking my cigarette in his direction. “Nothing happened. I don’t care what she’s doing. She’s probably off with Scott Whitmore doing god knows what.”
“You sure sound like somebody who doesn’t care.”
It’s almost like the houses on Maple Hill smell like money.
Every driveway is lined with perfectly trimmed bushes, and none of the mailboxes have a scratch. Nothing’s changed in the years since I’ve been here.
Except for me.
This is where I learned how to ride a bike. Where I used to wave to the neighbors and pretend I wasn’t dying to get away.
Well, I got my wish. And look how that turned out.
My dreams of escape quickly turned into dreams of coming home. I would imagine that nothing ever changed, that I still live in that massive house and wear those pretty dresses I never liked, all so Diana would come over like she used to and ask for me.
My old house is right next door.
From her driveway, I can see where I used to play before Mom would have to beg me to come in for dinner before I would actually go. Where Dad would sit with his coffee and big ideas that would ultimately screwed us.
It’s different now, toys in the yard, a new car in the driveway that I don’t recognize. Another family seamlessly moved into my old life like I was never there.
Diana’s house, on the other hand, looks exactly the same. Big bay windows I was always jealous of, a massive arch leading to the front door that screams rich, flowerbeds so perfect they don’t look real.
I adjust the stack of signatures in my arm. My excuse for being here. Saving the garden, and nothing else.
It’s not that I haven’t been able to breathe properly since she kissed me.
It’s not that I have to see her.
I climb the steps and knock before I can talk myself out of it, right back where I was before everything changed. The door swings open fast, revealing someone I don’t expect, but a pleasant surprise nonetheless.
The moment she recognizes me, her face lights up with a gasp.
“Lily!” she squeals, like it’s the best surprise she ever had, throwing her arms around me. The papers crumple between us, but I hug her back, squeezing tight.
“Wow,” I say, pulling back to look at her. “You got so big.” Clara is much taller than she was the last time I saw her, when she was still a chubby toddler. Her once adorable blonde curls are long and sunbleached now. A wild mess contrasting with her pretty pink dress.
I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday.
Diana was so excited to have a little sister. I was maybe a little jealous, but in the end, Clara was just as much my little sister as hers. We used to dress her up and read her stories, and pretend she was our baby. When she got old enough, she would follow us around everywhere we went.
She beams up at me. “I always told Diana you’d come back one day.”
My smile comes out shaky. “Looks like you were right.”
She tugs on my hand exactly like she used to. “Come on! I want you to meet my friend, Tommy. He moved into your old house!”
The house looks the same inside, too, even smells the same, mostly like some fancy cleaner. The white carpet is soft under my dirty shoes, and I almost feel bad for stepping on it.
Almost.
Clara chatters the whole way. “Tommy’s in the kitchen. We’re drawing. Maybe you could draw something for us!”
In the kitchen, the large windows make everything bright. The backyard pool glitters in the middle of the yard, where Diana and I used to spend most of our time as kids.
A little boy sits at the table, paper and color pencils spread out in front of him, his brown hair is sticking up every which way, and his hands are stained with color. “Tommy! Guess who’s here!”
He looks up, squinting behind a pair of glasses, then stands awkwardly. He looks to be about the same age as Clara, but is still a good deal shorter than her. “Um, hello.”
“This is Lily! She used to live in your house!”
“Really?” he asks, his eyes widening. “Whoa. That’s kinda weird.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, with a crooked smile.
Clara bounces on her feet with the happiest smile. “She’s basically like my other sister. But Diana says—”
“Diana says what?”
And there she is. The reason I’m here.
Looking unfairly perfect in a soft dress that hugs her curves and a neutral expression, like she hasn’t been missing for two damn days. “I see you’ve met Clara’s boyfriend,” she says, gliding down the last few steps to stand beside me.
“He’s not my boyfriend!” Clara shrieks like this isn’t the first time Diana’s teased her about it.
Diana smirks. “Sure he’s not.”
“He’s not!”
“He’s totally your boyfriend, Clara.”
“Lily!” she gasps, betrayed.
And god, for a second, it feels right, exactly how it used to. How we should have always been, teasing, easy, familiar. I can almost pretend nothing’s changed.
Except when I make eye contact with Diana with a matching evil grin, her eyes widen a little. And my face falls.
Who am I kidding? Everything has changed. Diana abandoned me.
And then she kissed me.
I glance toward the kids, then back at her. “Can we talk?” She blinks, caught off guard, but nods fast, eyes still wide enough that it would be funny if I didn’t know why.
She leads the way upstairs, the creak of the steps and the quiet voices from the kitchen as we get further away, the only sound between us.
Her room is bigger than I remember, now that I’m not used to it. The pale pink wallpaper, the big window, they’re all the same. The bed’s neatly made, and a vanity sits in the corner, covered in perfume bottles and jewelry.
I used to sit there for hours while she practiced putting makeup on me, pretending I didn’t have goosebumps crawling up my neck at her proximity.
“So. We’ve been busy,” I say, holding out the pages. “Got everybody in the trailer park to sign. A few others, too.”
She takes it carefully, flipping through the stack.“That’s great. You’ve done a lot without me.”
“Well, we figured someone should be doing something since you decided to disappear on us.”
She sets the papers down on her desk with a sigh, smoothing the edges as the silence stretches. A pretty pink spreads over her cheeks that matches her room decor.
“I was going to come back,” she says finally. “I needed to think.”
“About what?”
She doesn’t answer right away. Her eyes narrow on me, like she’s searching for something, but I have no idea what. Then she says, in a whisper so quiet I barely hear her, “Can you stop looking at me like that?”
“What are you talking about, Diana?”
I’m not looking at her any different than I always do.
She shifts her weight, arms crossing over her chest, defensive all of a sudden. “You keep looking at me like I did something wrong.”
“Well, you kinda did,” I say, like it’s obvious.
“Lily—”
“You kissed me, Diana. What do you expect me to do here? Act like it didn’t happen?
” She flinches, shrinks in on herself, but I’ve had too much time to think about it.
I don’t stop. “You disappear for two days, and now all you have to say to me is to stop ‘looking at you’ a certain way? Come on, Di.”
She stares back, cheeks still pink, but she lifts her chin in defiance. “You don’t have to make such a big deal about it.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, I don’t?”
“It was nothing. God, it was like when we were kids. Don’t you remember?”
Of course, I remember.
She used to call it practice for when we had boyfriends, and then kiss me like it was easy. Like it meant nothing to her. And I’d let her. It was pretend, sure, but for the time I got to feel her lips on mine, it was real to me.
I meet her eyes now, steady. “Yeah,” I say. “I remember.”
Look, I wasn’t—” Diana starts, then stops, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear in frustration. “You were being mean, okay? I did it without thinking.”
I stare at her. “I was being mean… so you kissed me?”
Diana’s mouth opens, then closes. She looks away, and when the next words come out, she sounds more sad than I’ve ever heard her.
“I didn’t want to fight with you.”