Chapter 6
The sun’s starting to dip low, but it doesn’t take the summer heat with it. My knees ache, my hands are filthy, and there’s dirt in places it should never be.
Diana lets out a dramatic groan and tosses her gardening gloves down like they’ve offended her. “This is disgusting,” she complains, glaring at the patch of dirt she’s been working in. “I’m going to need a very long vacation after this.”
“You planted like three flowers.”
“I planted five.”
I smirk, not looking up from the patch I’m finishing. “Oh wow. Five?”
She huffs, sitting back on her heels. Her hair isn’t quite as frizzy from the heat as mine, but it’s getting there.
“This is not how I imagined spending my summer.”
“Yeah, well, welcome to activism. It’s mostly sweat and dirt.”
She glances over at me, and there’s this soft, careful look she’s been wearing all day. Like she’s worried I’m still mad about the kiss.
Which I’m totally over, by the way.
“Stop whining,” I say, tossing my own gloves aside. “It hasn’t been that bad.”
“I’m suffering,” she insists, but there’s a smile ghosting her lips.
I drop onto the grass beside her, stretching my sore legs out in front of me as my eyes trace a streak of dirt across her cheek.
She looks so different out here, in her dirt-stained clothes and messy hair, I can’t help but feel a warmth bloom in my chest at the sight. “You’ve got something on your face.”
She touches her cheek. “Where?”
“Everywhere.”
She sits up and, before I can move out of the way, throws a clump of dirt at me. I want to be mad, but I don’t think I’ve heard her laugh like that since we were kids.
I shake my head, smiling despite myself. “I’m gonna get you for that.”
True to my word, I grab some upturned dirt from the patch I was working on and smear it across her arm.
“Lily!” she yelps, jumping to her feet. “You’re vile!”
“You started it.”
She looks down at herself, horrified.
I lean back with a laugh, watching her fuss and wipe her hands uselessly on the flannel I tossed on the ground ages ago.
I want to stay here, in this moment with Diana, but it’s so hot.
“Hey,” I say, an idea forming as my eyes drift toward the trees. “You wanna cool off?”
She frowns in confusion. “How?”
I tilt my chin toward the woods. “The lake’s not far from here.”
“The lake?”
“Yeah. Come on. I bet nobody’s there this time of day.”
She hesitates, giving up on wiping away the dirt. “We don’t have bathing suits.”
I shrug, standing and dusting off my hands. “So?”
“So, Lily,” she says slowly, like she’s trying to reason with a wild animal. Or a drunk. “We can’t just—”
I grin, already taking off toward the trees. “We can absolutely just.”
She groans, but the sound is close behind me. “You’re insane.”
“You’ll thank me when you’re not melting.”
I’m halfway down the hill before I see the lake.
I yank my sweaty shirt over my head, running the rest of the way down. Behind me, I hear Diana’s footsteps pounding through the grass. “Lily! Wait! What are you doing?”
I grin over my shoulder and kick off my shoes. “Cooling off.”
The ground is damp under my feet as I unbutton my jeans. “Lily!” she calls again, breathless from running. She slows when she gets close, her eyes darting down to my pants being shoved to the ground. “Someone could see you!”
“Who? The fish?” I toss my underwear on top of the pile and wade into the lake, stopping when the water hits my knees, turning back to look at a scandalized Diana. “Come on, Di. Live a little.”
The queen of complaints doesn’t move from the bank. Her hands find her hips, and she has that look on her face like I’m about to get a massive lecture. “Lily, you’re crazy! What if somebody drives by? What if—”
I duck under the cold water, cutting her off. When I pop back up, I push my hair out of my face and grin at her. “Then they’ll see me having more fun than they are.”
She huffs so loud I can hear it from here. “You’re out of your mind.” And for a second, I think that’s it, she’ll pout up there on the grass and watch me from a distance until I give up and go back into the blistering heat for another miserable walk home to my miserable life.
But then I hear her mutter something under her breath and the sound of clothes rustling. I glance back as her blouse hits the ground. “If I catch something from this lake water, I’m blaming you.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling.
When her fingers hover at the waistband of her shorts, she hesitates, then unbuttons them, pushing them down fast like ripping off a Band-Aid. She steps out of both her shorts and panties, looking around like somebody’s going to pop out of the woods any moment.
And then it hits me.
Holy shit.
She’s naked.
My brain stalls out. I look away as she walks toward me, then back again in time to see her wince when her legs go deeper into the water.
“What?” She asks, more self-conscious than accusing, as she crosses her arms over her chest.
“Nothing,” I say too fast, splashing water at her to cover it up. “Just didn’t think you’d actually do it.”
“Oh, shut up,” she says, but she’s smiling now, relaxing her arms back down to her sides.
We swim out until our feet can’t touch and our piles of clothes are a blur behind us. The sky has gone a deep blue, the full moon lighting up the sky.
Diana squeals when something brushes her leg.
“Lily, what was that?”
“Probably a fish. Or a snake.”
She gasps, splashing me right in the face in her haste to get away from the snake, and I can’t help it, I laugh. Stupid and loud and carefree.
She lunges for me like she’s going to dunk me under, but I’m faster. Dodging her and initiating a splashing match until we’re both cackling in the quiet summer evening.
She looks ridiculous. Hair plastered to her head, makeup smudged, but somehow it makes her more beautiful. And I’m trying not to look at her. Really, I am.
But she’s right there, a few feet away, water droplets on her soft golden body that glows under the surface. Every time she flicks her hair back or tosses another handful of water at me, my eyes betray me, trailing down to her pebbled nipples, peaking out from the water.
It’s too easy.
We’re laughing like we used to, like nothing between us ever broke. I can’t remember that I’m supposed to hate her. Can’t even remember why anymore.
Who would hate Diana?
The moonlight paints her in this white light, and she’s looking at me with this soft smile, and dammit, I smile back.
We drift close, her legs brushing mine under the surface. Diana tilts her head back, eyes closed, hair floating around her like a golden halo. “I admit it, you were right. This was a wonderful idea.”
“See? You should listen to me more often.”
“Maybe I should,” she agrees, and when she looks at me again, she’s smiling in that way she always used to when she would kiss me.
I don’t even think about it.
The water ripples between us as I lean in, and she doesn’t pull back. Our mouths meet, familiar in the only way I’ve felt with her. Her fingers brush my jaw, tilting my face for a better angle, and it’s like everything else fades out.
The bugs, the heat, the world.
It’s only us.
We wade back to the grass when our fingers start to wrinkle and the night has swallowed the last of the light. “We didn’t bring towels,” Diana says, trying to wring out the water from her hair.
I drop onto the grass, still dripping. “You’ll dry.”
She gapes at me.
“Sit down, Diana.”
I think she’s going to argue, but then she sighs and sinks down beside me, knees drawn up, arms wrapped tight around them like that will cover her body if someone happens to stop by.
I lie back in the grass, looking up at the sky. I keep my eyes on the stars, trying to find the constellations I can remember. Mostly because it’s easier than looking at her.
The grass is cool under me, and it smells like the lake, and everything is quiet. Peaceful. We aren’t fighting. Or pretending we’re something we’re not. We’re just us.
I close my eyes, letting myself relax around her for the first time since we reconnected.
Until I open my eyes again, and she’s not looking at the sky.
“Uh… whatcha lookin’ at?” I ask, trying to sound casual, but it comes out strained.
Diana blinks, caught, and tears her eyes away from my body.
“I—” she starts, then stops, her mouth opening and closing before she shifts in the grass, settling between my open legs.
Her gaze flickers over me, nervous and curious all at once, tracing the drops of water still clinging to my skin. I know I should say something. I should tell her to stop, I should close my fucking legs. But my throat’s dry, and my heart is pounding hard in my chest.
I feel completely frozen in place.
When she meets my eyes, there’s something there I’ve never seen before. Like she’s looking at me differently. “You’re so pretty,” she says, almost to herself.
My breath catches, completely caught off guard. That’s not something people like her say to people like me. I finally manage to close my legs, not wanting to subject myself to her judging gaze.
“You’re out of your mind,” I scoff, but it sounds weak.
Diana’s mouth curves like she has an argument, but she doesn’t say it. Instead, she reaches out, her fingers hovering, almost touching.
When her fingers brush the prickly skin of my leg, my entire body tenses, but she doesn’t pull away. Instead, she forces my legs back open.
I let her.
“Lily,” she breathes out, her hand hovering over my damp ginger curls a moment before she carefully, barely, brushes a finger over me.
My body jolts at the feather-light touch, a shudder running through me. I bite down hard on my lip, attempting and failing to hold in a gasp.
I know I should push her away, tell her to stop. But there’s a desperate part of me, that wants this. That wants her. I swallow thickly, trying to find my voice.
“If you’re gonna touch me, do it like you mean it,” I manage to grit out, my voice rougher than usual.
I’m aware of how exposed I am, spread out for her where anyone could find us. But it doesn’t scare me. Maybe even gets me going more.
“I want to try something,” she announces. “I overheard my brothers talking about it and ever since… I’ve thought of doing it with you.”
I nod, no thoughts in my head as she positions her body so that her face hovers over where I crave her, her warm breath making me want to close my legs.
Even with her face down there, I still don’t expect what she does next.
A cry tears from my throat as her tongue drags over my sensitive flesh with no warning. The sensation is electric, overwhelming, nothing like the quick rub I get from my hand. “Fuck, Diana,” I pant out, tangling my fingers in the grass.
I look down at her, my chest heaving as I try to control my body. Her eyes are dark with desire as she gazes up at me, her tongue doing unspeakable things against me.
“What are you doing? I demand, even as my hips buck up slightly. “This isn’t… we can’t—”
Her tongue delves deeper, swirling around my clit before she laps at my entrance. It’s clumsy, certainly not experienced, but still the best thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
“Diana, please!” I don’t even know what I’m asking for.
She continues, relentless, until I’m shaking apart, crying her name as waves of pleasure crash over me. I tremble and twitch, completely at the mercy of the sensations she’s evoking.
“Oh god, oh fuck, Diana! Stop!” I shout, raw and broken, pushing her away as she tries to keep going after my orgasm.
I collapse back onto the grass, my mind a little hazy. I don’t even notice Diana moving up my body until she’s hovering over me.
She kisses me deeply, my flavor mingling between our tongues. It’s dirty and so so wrong. I kiss her back desperately, chasing it.
When she pulls back, her face hovers inches above mine and my heart is wild in my chest, stupid and full of hope. “Why’d you do that?” My voice sounds rough, completely used up.
“I don’t know,” she says, soft and uncertain. “I just wanted to.”
“You just wanted to?”
Her gaze flickers down, then back up again, and a smile tugs at her lips. “You taste good.”
I try to laugh it off, but my body is trembling from a feeling I can’t name.
I stare up at her, still hovering over me, wet hair and soft bare skin. I’ve never done it before, but I suddenly have to get my mouth on her in the same way. “You wanna trade places?”
Her smile fades. She sits back a little, avoiding looking at me for the first time today. “No,” she says quickly. “I can’t.”
That catches me off guard. “You can’t?”
“I want my first time to be with Scott.”
“Scott,” I repeat, trying to make that make sense after what we did. Hoping I heard her wrong.
She shrugs. “It should mean something, you know? Be… important.” She gives me this sad smile. “It’s different for you, Lily.” Those words hit harder than if she punched me.
“Right.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Sure you did.” I sit up too fast, the ground cold and damp against my ass. My shirt’s in a rumpled mess on the ground. I grab it, not even bothering to shake it out. My hands won’t stop trembling. “I get it.”
She reaches for me. “Wait Lily, are you mad?”
I laugh, a short, ugly sound. “No. I’m not mad. I just feel like the biggest idiot on earth.” I shove my arms into my shirt and reach for my underwear. “You heard what they say about me, right?”
“Lily, stop—”
“I’m a slut like my mom.” My voice cracks, and that makes me even more angry. “Giving out hand jobs for smokes, huh?”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not?” I tug my jeans back on, fighting the urge to cry with everything in me. “You think I don’t know what people say? What you used to say?”
Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out. She can’t argue, she knows it’s true. Her eyes are glossy in the moonlight and she’s still naked and fuck.
I shake my head with a bitter smile. “It’s fine, Di. Really. Looks like you proved everyone right.”
She stands too, reaching for me. “That’s not what I meant, please let me explain—”
“Save it.”
“Lily, wait”
I turn back, long enough to meet her eyes as she fumbles for her own clothes. “Don’t,” I warn, my voice trembling. “Don’t try to make this better. You wanted your first time to mean something, but you made damn sure mine didn’t.”
The moonlight shines on her as she freezes, a confused frown taking over her face, but I’m not staying to see her realize what I meant.
I turn and walk up the hill to town, never looking back, not even when she calls my name again.
Grass is sticking to my bare feet and my clothes cling to my wet skin, but I don’t even notice. My chest feels hollow.
I feel used.
By the time I hit the pavement, my hands are curled into fists as tears stream down my face.
I’m so stupid.