Chapter 7 #2
Jacob glared harder. But he was obviously losing motivation to be pissed off, because the next time their seat jolted, all the anger drained out of his face. He grabbed Felix’s sleeve, his jaw clenched.
“This is so stupid,” Jacob chanted. He squeezed his eyes closed. “Stupid, stupid. Why am I doing this?”
“We’re barely off the ground,” Felix said.
But Jacob didn’t open his eyes. He stayed like that, fist clenched in Felix’s shirt in a way that Felix couldn’t help but enjoy, even with Jacob freaking out.
Jacob had such beautiful hands. Sometimes Felix thought his purpose in life was to annoy Jacob into touching him: getting into his space so Jacob would shove him away, making a joke so bad Jacob would smack him in the arm.
During a study session last year, he’d annoyed Jacob until he grabbed him by the throat and threatened to tape his mouth shut, which was so hot Felix had to go back to his dorm and jerk off.
They climbed higher. Felix looked at the ground, his stomach twisting as it got further away. They were almost at the top of the wheel. They would definitely die if they fell from this height, no question about it.
Felix swallowed his discomfort and tapped Jacob’s leg. “Come on, man! Live in the moment!”
“I’m not living in the moment until this moment is over,” Jacob replied sternly.
“Your loss,” Felix said. “We’re almost at the top.”
Jacob grunted fearfully. Felix snickered, staring around at the new height.
If he ignored the groaning noises coming from the metal, it was actually pretty great: he could see the whole fairground from here.
He could see a hell of a lot more than that, actually. He squinted, trying to see the campus—
The Ferris wheel jerked to a stop.
“Why are we stopping?” Jacob blurted. His eyes flew open, a full-body shudder running through him as he saw how high they were. “Oh, god.”
“They’re letting us look over our beautiful city,” Felix said, his gaze trained on the horizon so he didn’t focus on the too-distant ground below them. “Look! You can see Liberty Heights!”
He pointed vaguely in the direction of their school, which was not visible at all. “Hi, school! Jacob, wave to the school.”
“How the hell is this helping me turn into New Jacob?” Jacob demanded.
“You’re getting out of your comfort zone!”
“Well, I want back in!” Jacob hissed. “What the hell was I thinking?”
Felix chewed his cheek. He wanted to point out that Jacob was shaking off the shackles his overbearing parents had placed on him, but whenever Felix made a perfectly good point about his parents, Jacob got all snappy and defensive.
Felix sat back against the seat, watching Jacob flinch as it rocked back and forth. He had a tried and true method for when Jacob got like this:
Distraction.
Felix cupped his hands around his mouth and cleared his throat.
Jacob narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing?”
Felix ignored him. He turned to the fairground and screamed, “LIBERTY HEIGHTS RULES!”
His yell echoed over the fairground. People looked up—tired parents and hyper kids, the occasional happy couple, but mostly their fellow students.
Jacob frowned. “Felix, what are you doing?”
Felix shushed him. Somebody down below whooped. The guy next to him followed suit, even granting Felix a fist-pump.
“WHOO,” Felix yelled. “YEAH! LIBERTY HEIGHTS, BAY-BEEEE!”
Cheers sounded from the Ferris wheel below them. Felix leaned over the barrier to see fellow students waving and hollering up at them.
“Careful,” Jacob said, pulling Felix back.
“Unclench,” Felix repeated. “Where’s your school spirit, man? WOO, LIBERTY HEIGHTS!”
Another chorus of cheering from below, louder now. Felix whooped, smacking Jacob’s arm.
Jacob’s mouth twitched reluctantly. He rolled his eyes, as if to let Felix know he was just entertaining him.
“Liberty Heights,” he called, reserved.
Felix dug his elbow into Jacob’s side. “Louder! Come on!”
“Liberty HEIGHTS,” Jacob yelled, and huffed a reluctant laugh. “Why does so much of your ‘new Jacob’ shit require me yelling? I said I wanted to be a new me, not a public nuisance.”
“Tomato, toh-mah-to,” Felix said breezily. He rocked their seat again, if only to feel Jacob grab him to keep him still.
Felix let himself enjoy the feeling of Jacob’s hand around his arm, then spoke quietly. “You know, you shouldn’t worry so much about this ‘brand-new Jacob’ stuff.”
Jacob gave him a wary look. “You tell me to loosen up all the time.”
“Yeah, ’cause you’re stressed,” Felix said. “I want to see you less tense, sure. But I like the old Jacob.”
Jacob’s suspicious gaze softened. His mouth twitched again, and Felix’s gaze dragged toward it like a moth to a flame.
He was so beautiful. Unfairly so, with those big dark eyes and one single strand of hair out of place from the Ferris wheel stress.
Felix wanted to push it back into place. Felix wanted to kiss him. Felix wanted all of Jacob. But he would settle for scraps, as always.
He tore his gaze away from Jacob’s small smile.
Jacob had asked him to experience a few firsts, not date him.
Kissing at the top of a Ferris wheel was dating behavior.
It didn’t matter how much Felix ached for him.
That wasn’t what Felix was for. It never was.
Felix was good for sex, nothing else. Nobody ever came out and said it, but it was pretty fucking clear by now.
The wheel lurched into motion again. The cheering died down, punctuated by a few stray laughs that did a bad job of covering everybody’s fear of the horrendous death trap they were strapped into.
Felix clapped, ignoring how his eyes were suddenly burning. “Whoo! Okay, what’s next in Jacob’s big journey? Skydiving? Driving without a seatbelt? There’s a party at that frat house you hate, you could do keg stands!”
Jacob laughed, strained. He was clutching the barrier again. But his arm had moved while Felix was angsting—it was now angled in front of Felix, like he was preparing to catch him if he fell.
“I won’t promise any keg stands,” Jacob said. “But tell me more about this party.”