Chapter 8
The thing about comfort zones, Jacob considered as he squinted around the dimly lit frat party, was how much it sucked to step out of them.
Comfort zones were—by definition—comfortable. Jacob liked quiet. He liked solitude. He liked environments that were easy to control.
This house party was none of those. It was loud, for one. And so packed with people it was difficult to move without bumping into someone. Thanks to an eye-watering pair of strobe lights, it was both too dark and too bright all at once.
And to top it all off, Felix had left him. Felix always left him at these things as soon as he had a few drinks, no matter what he promised at the start of the night.
Jacob craned his neck. Thankfully he was tall enough to see over most of these dancing drunkards, which meant he could spot a familiar crop of blond hair attached to a short body making its way through the crowd.
Jacob watched Felix approach, every atom of him screaming for Felix to go faster, to not leave him here alone—
Something cold and sticky splashed over his shoe. Jacob looked down to see his sneaker soaked with beer, a freshman gaping at it as yet more beer dripped from his cup.
“Dude,” the freshman slurred. “Sorry.”
Jacob forced down the urge to yell at the guy and forced a smile. “It’s fine.”
The guy stumbled away through the crowd.
Jacob dropped his smile, turning back to Felix’s blond head making its way to him.
He had never yelled at anyone in his life except Felix.
Never argued with anyone except him. It had been such a relief, having someone he didn’t have to be polite to, someone who pushed and niggled until Jacob unleashed everything that he couldn’t show anyone else.
Felix insisted he loved it. That Jacob should let loose more. But Jacob couldn’t help being worried that if he let Felix see everything inside him, even he would recoil. Jacob barely knew what was inside him half the time. If he was so freaked out by it, it couldn’t be anything good.
Felix emerged through the crowd with a triumphant cry, holding two beers aloft.
“Paydirt,” he said nonsensically, pushing a plastic cup into Jacob’s hand. “Let me guess: you’ve already made a bunch of new friends while I was gone!”
“Ha, ha,” Jacob said sourly.
Felix thumped his forehead into Jacob’s shoulder. “Come on, man! People like you when you try. You just never try!”
Jacob grunted into his beer. People did like him, he supposed. But if he wasn’t around Felix, he was so polite and quiet he faded into the background. And if Felix was there, why would he bother with anyone else?
“I bet you made new friends on the way to the drinks,” Jacob said.
“A few people stopped to chat,” Felix acknowledged. “What can I say? I’m a people person.”
Jacob snorted. He was being bitter and he knew it. But he couldn’t help thinking back to their high school days, when Felix stuck to him like glue. Then they got to college, and Felix was talking to everyone, finally free of the people they’d been stuck with in their tiny hometown.
“Now,” Felix said, scanning the room. “Who should we talk to first? Those guys look fun. Over there, with the lighter.”
Jacob didn’t look at whatever some idiots were doing with a lighter.
“Don’t leave me after a few drinks,” he blurted.
Felix made a face. “What? I don’t do that!”
Jacob scoffed. He could feel the beer hitting his head, suddenly all too aware he’d been too nervous to eat a proper dinner. He would have to drink water later, but for now he chugged his beer and resurfaced with a gasp.
“You do,” he insisted, wiping his lips clean. “You say you won’t, then you ditch me!”
Felix stared at him, incredulous. “I leave for a few minutes. I always come back and look for you!”
“You do not!”
“I do!” Felix insisted. “I always do. Sometimes I just lose track of time.”
“Oh, sometimes.” Jacob felt like a little kid, pouting because his friend left him alone at a party. But he couldn’t help it: getting left alone in a group of people he didn’t know was torture. He never had to do it before college.
He waited for Felix’s usual spiel: that Jacob should learn how to talk to people, that people would like him if he opened up, yadda yadda. But Felix just stepped closer, leaning up so Jacob could hear him over the noise.
“I talk to a lot of people,” Felix said. “But who do I watch movies with, dude? Who do I spend all my time with?”
Jacob’s face was suddenly hot. Which was weird, since he’d been in this humid party for a while and he hadn’t started overheating until now. “That’s not—”
“I don’t want other people. Just you.”
Jacob wanted to argue that wasn’t what they were talking about.
He was talking about his own inadequacies.
Hell, he was grudgingly hoping that Felix would drag him into a group conversation and teach him how to feel like he wasn’t getting his skin peeled off.
That was what this party was about right? Growth. Whole new Jacob.
But there were other ways to get there. And Jacob had never been interested in making new friends. Not when he had Felix.
Felix’s words rang in his head: I don’t want other people. Just you.
Jacob shivered for reasons he didn’t care to identify. “Felix.”
Felix gazed back, eyes wide and expectant. “Jacob.”
Jacob had to look away so he didn’t get distracted. Felix always had a distracting face, even when he wasn’t doing stupid shit with it.
“You know that thing on the list,” Jacob said.
Felix’s eyes went back to normal. For a moment he almost looked disappointed. Then he gave a sly, easy grin that Jacob could never emulate.
“Yeah?” Felix said. “Which one?”
“The… thing. About the party.”
Felix’s grin widened. He toyed with the top button of Jacob’s button-down, and Jacob was seized by a powerful urge to watch those eager fingers open his shirt. He’d never had someone take off his clothes like that. He wanted to know how that felt.
Felix asked, “You mean the one about fooling around at a party?”
Jacob nodded. He looked around, but no one was paying attention to two guys whispering at each other in the corner.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Felix admitted.
“Horndog,” Jacob told him. He tried to make it teasing, but it was hard to be flippant when Felix was pushing his finger underneath Jacob’s collar, touching skin that nobody else had touched.
“Only for you,” Felix replied.
Jacob laughed.
For some reason, Felix didn’t.
Felix found them a bedroom. One with a lock, even.
“Voilà,” Felix said as he clicked it shut. “If there was no lock, would you shove the dresser in front of it?”
“No,” Jacob said. “That’s a fire hazard. We’d just do it up against the door so no one could come in.”
Felix giggled, delighted.
“It’s the most sensible option,” Jacob argued.
“The most sensible option is to fuck at home,” Felix replied. He came close and ran his hands down Jacob’s shirt. “You’re a surprising guy, Jacob.”
Jacob shrugged awkwardly. “Not really. I want to be the kind of guy who fucks at parties.”
“No you don’t,” Felix said. “Those guys piss you off.”
“You fuck at parties.”
“Exactly.” Felix ran his hands through Jacob’s neat hair, messing it up like he’d been doing since grade school.
“I just…” Jacob said. He opened his mouth, trying to come up with an explanation.
But he had nothing. He never examined his own wants, why would he know how to explain them?
He wanted the movie scene. He wanted someone to want him so much they couldn’t wait to go home.
He wanted to lose himself, to get the fuck out of his own head for once, he wanted—
“Wait, no,” Felix said. “Quit making that face. I didn’t mean to send you into a whole thing, I was just saying.”
“I’m not making a face,” Jacob lied.
A loud laugh echoed through the door. Jacob flinched. This wasn’t a movie scene, his thoughts were so loud.
“Kiss me,” he said.
Felix bit his lip. “You sure? You’re all…”
“I know that,” Jacob snapped. “That’s why I want you to kiss me. I’ll forget if you kiss me.”
Felix’s face twisted in a strange array of emotions Jacob couldn’t navigate. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or concerned.”
“Flattered,” Jacob said. “Are you going to kiss me or not?”
Felix hesitated. Then he raised his chin defiantly. “I thought you wanted to be in charge?”
He was baiting Jacob. Goading him into action, manipulating him into doing something he wanted. Jacob could read it all over Felix’s smug face: he was making Jacob take control. Getting him out of his head, just like they both wanted. And of course he had to do it in the most annoying way possible.
“You’re such a little shit,” Jacob breathed, so fond of him it hurt.
He grabbed Felix’s chin and kissed him. It was better than beer: all the worries that had been gathering inside his head dissipated, replaced by Felix’s hot mouth and his wandering hands.
Felix moaned, ripping Jacob’s buttons undone as if he’d been waiting to do it all night.
“What do you—” Felix broke off with an even louder moan as Jacob kissed his neck. “What do you wanna do?”
Jacob just wanted to keep chasing this feeling. He was clawing his way back to what he’d imagined when he wrote Fool Around At A Party on the list: the movie version where he wasn’t panicking the whole time. It was hard to panic when Felix felt so good against him.
“Dunno,” Jacob said, smearing the words against Felix’s chin. “Just touch me.”
“O-okay,” Felix said. He sounded flustered, which was weird. But before Jacob could wonder too hard about it, Felix ground his hard cock against Jacob’s leg.
We just started kissing, Jacob thought deliriously. Sure, he was also hard, but he was basically a virgin. Did Felix really get so hot and bothered by a few moments of making out?
“Are you seriously this horny all the time?” Jacob blurted.
“Only for you,” Felix said again. He pressed harder against Jacob’s thigh, groaning shamelessly.