Chapter 14
Jacob’s head snapped up as soon as he heard Felix’s distinctive footsteps.
Felix strode out of the nurse’s office, his bandaged hand hanging awkwardly at his side. He nodded at something the nurse was saying, accepting the creams she handed over. Then he turned, pausing when he noticed Jacob.
“Hey,” Felix said. “You’re here.”
“Of course I’m here,” Jacob said, affronted.
Felix shrugged. “You have class. This isn’t a big deal, man. Not worth the ER trip. I told the guy not to order me an Uber.”
“Guy,” Jacob repeated. “What guy?”
“Jack the Hot TA,” Felix said. He held up his good hand in a scout’s salute. “I’m not fucking him, Your Honor. I swear. He’s straight.”
He headed for the automatic doors. Jacob followed him, glad to get out of the noisy, crowded ER. He’d only spent ten minutes there, arriving just in time to watch Felix vanish into the nurse’s office. But ten minutes was long enough. Everyone was stressed and pained and gross in there.
Jacob reached for the cream the nurse had given Felix.
Felix handed it over. It looked cheap, Jacob noted with disapproval. He would go into the pharmacy later and see if they had anything better.
“I have to buy my own bandages,” Felix said as they crossed the parking lot toward the bus stop.
“I’ll get you some,” Jacob said distractedly. He handed the cream back and watched Felix stuff it into his pockets. “Someone called you an Uber to take you to the hospital?”
“Do you have ambulance money?” Felix demanded. He held up his injured hand, wiggling his bandaged fingers. “It’s not even a big deal.”
Jacob took Felix’s hand carefully, turning it around to examine the burn. It coated most of Felix’s left palm, the bright red skin just visible under the bandage.
“How did you even do this?” he demanded, incredulous.
Felix pulled his bandaged hand out of Jacob’s grip. Apparently, he had tried holding it under cold water while the Uber came to take him to the hospital, but that hadn’t helped much.
“I lead a mysterious life,” Felix said breezily.
“You had to go to the hospital,” Jacob said. “You’re really not going to tell me?”
They arrived at the bus stop, Felix craning his neck to see the arrival times. Jacob didn’t bother, his eyes fixed on Felix as he sighed.
“Fine,” Felix said. “I was…” Then he stopped. He looked down at his bandaged hand, flexing his fingers. “You know what?” he continued, marching toward the bus stop seats. “I’m not gonna tell you. You don’t deserve it!”
Jacob spluttered. “What the hell does that mean?” He tried to grab Felix’s shoulder.
Felix shoved his hand away, whirling to face him with such anger that Jacob shrank back.
“It means you should’ve told me ages ago that you don’t want to live with me!
” Felix hissed. “I looked forward to that shit for years. I dreamed about it! Our big adult life in Indianapolis, just the two of us!”
“I gave you the whole semester. You have time!”
“I don’t want time! I’m not pissed about time, asshole!”
“It’s still the two of us,” Jacob said. “Nothing will change.”
Felix scoffed. “We have always lived a five-minute walk away from each other. And when that changes? When we’re not at the same college, when we’re in different jobs living fuck knows how far apart? Come on, man. It’s all downhill from here.”
With that, he marched off. The bus was here, Jacob realized numbly. He followed Felix aboard, his ears ringing. It’s all downhill from here. It’s all downhill.
Felix swore, wrenching Jacob out of his spiral. He was stabbing at his phone, glaring at the screen. “One second,” Felix said. “I just gotta… gotta top up.”
He was out of money on his MyKey, Jacob realized as he watched Felix swipe into the bus card app, his bandaged fingers almost dropping his phone.
Jacob stepped up to the bus driver. “I have him. Two, please.”
“It’s fine,” Felix said.
“I have him,” Jacob repeated.
The bus driver didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Jacob paid for them both and headed toward the back of the bus, as they always did. Felix followed, and for a moment Jacob thought this was just another of their usual fights they would immediately forget.
Then Felix sat behind him. It shouldn’t have mattered. But he’d never done that before, not once since they started taking the bus in Indianapolis.
Jacob stared out the window, his side suddenly ice cold. Felix was usually there, their arms bumping casually as the bus took them back to campus.
All downhill from here, Jacob’s brain whispered as they got off the bus.
Like hell. He was riding this out until Felix told him to fuck off.
“I’m coming to your dorm,” he told Felix as he fell into step beside him.
Felix shrugged. “Whatever.”
He’d never been distant like this. Jacob only just now realized it as they headed for Felix’s dorm: it was usually Felix being loud and clingy, and Jacob shoving him away.
Did Jacob ever make him feel like this? He hoped not.
He didn’t mean to push Felix away, that was just how their dynamic was. Right?
Felix would get close. Jacob would push him back. Now he knew why: he wanted to pull him so much closer, and he couldn’t stand it.
Jacob walked straight into Felix’s dorm and picked up the hand cream on the nightstand.
“Now you have to use this,” Jacob said. “You can use it on your good hand when you put on your burn cream. No way you can forget that.”
He took the burn cream from Felix and set it next to the hand cream. Then he popped the hand cream lid and scooped out a dollop, forcing himself not to hesitate as he took Felix’s hand.
Felix let him. They stood there in silence as Jacob smeared the hand cream onto his good hand until the whole dorm smelled of aloe.
“Sorry I’m being a bitch,” Felix said. “I’ll get over it.”
Jacob frowned. That didn’t sound like Felix. Felix never admitted when he was in a bad mood. He just made some excuse to leave until he was okay to be around. Or he hid it, which Jacob hated.
“You’re not being a bitch,” Jacob said. “I should’ve told you before. I just… I don’t know. I thought things would be different by now. That I’d be different. More relaxed or whatever.”
Felix laughed. “You?”
“I know,” Jacob muttered.
He rubbed the cream into the webbing between Felix’s fingers, waiting for Felix to tease him. Get them back on familiar ground. But Felix just stood there, letting Jacob massage his dry skin.
“Do you remember,” Felix said finally, “when I got that really bad fever in middle school? And you came over and fed me soup because my parents wouldn’t take time off work?”
“Yes,” Jacob said, annoyed. “What kind of parents don’t take time off work when their kid is sick?”
“Anyone with a kid over the age of eight, dude,” Felix replied. “Your parents coddled the fuck out of you.”
Jacob didn’t deny it. And yes, sometimes his parents’ constant supervision was stifling. But while his parents were too vigilant, Felix’s parents were downright lazy. Felix had been twelve and unable to get out of bed. What else was Jacob supposed to do but ditch school to stay with him?
“You got in so much trouble,” Felix mumbled. “Little rebel. Anyway, that was the first time I wanted to kiss you.”
It felt like a punch. Jacob’s mind whirled. Felix wanted to kiss him back then? Did that mean something, or was that just two codependent queer kids stuck with no other options?
“Probably good you didn’t,” Jacob managed. “You would’ve gotten me sick.”
After a moment, Felix laughed. “Right.”
There was no cream left to rub in. But Jacob kept going. If he kept doing this, he could pretend it wasn’t because he wanted to touch him.
“I’m not sick now,” Felix said suddenly.
Jacob looked up at him, horrible hope flaring in his heart. “What?”
Felix shoved him back against the bed and climbed on top of him. Jacob let him, not even remembering to warn him to go easy on his bandaged hand as Felix leaned in.
But he didn’t kiss him. He just ghosted his lips over Jacob’s, breathing hard. “We have a lot left on your list,” he announced.
Jacob tore his gaze from Felix’s lips to stare at him in surprise. “What? Oh, shit…”
He trailed off in a moan as Felix ran his good hand over his crotch, gripping his hardening length.
“You still haven’t fucked me,” Felix said. “Don’t you think it’s about time we fix that?”