Chapter 15
Felix waited, heart in his throat.
For a horrifying moment he was sure Jacob would say no. Busing home from the hospital wasn’t the best way to get a guy in the mood. Especially when they were still coming out of a fight—maybe the most serious fight they’d had in their entire friendship.
But Jacob was getting so hard under his touch. Felix could feel his warmth through the denim. He’d never been so grateful to be right-handed, his bandaged left hand throbbing against Jacob’s chest. His hand jobs would be useless if he’d hurt his other hand.
Felix took a chance and nudged their noses together. “Hello? Earth to Jacob? Do you want to fuck me or not?”
Something flickered over Jacob’s face. That weird expression Felix had spotted during their fight—not quite regret, but not quite anything else. Then it was gone, and Jacob surged up to kiss him.
Felix kissed back hard, desperately relieved. He thought he’d lost his chance. Maybe it would’ve been better if he did lose his chance, because once Jacob fucked him properly, he would never recover. But he still wanted it. He wanted it so much he’d ruin himself over it.
Jacob flipped them over like a pro, pushing Felix’s wrists above his head.
“Keep this here,” he instructed.
It took Felix a moment to realize he was only squeezing Felix’s left wrist, sweeping his thumb over the edge of the bandages.
“Seriously,” Jacob said, letting him go. “Wound care is important. I don’t want this to be like when you got that eyebrow piercing.”
“It won’t get infected from one fuck,” Felix argued. But he kept his hand where Jacob placed it, wiggling the fingers of his good hand. “Am I allowed to use this one? Huh? Do I have permission?”
Jacob paused. He sat up, and Felix had to clench his hands so he didn’t reach for him. Then he stopped, because Jacob immediately glared at his bandaged hand, which stung with the pressure.
Felix relaxed his hand. Jacob’s expression relaxed with it.
“No,” Jacob said eventually. “Keep them both there. I’ll… I’ll do everything.”
Felix spluttered a laugh to hide how equal-parts hot and vulnerable that made him. He’d had a lot of guys trap his hands, but only during sex. Not during the lead-up.
“I’m not even naked yet,” Felix said.
“I’m working on that,” Jacob replied. He pulled Felix’s shirt over his head, easing the sleeve carefully over his bandaged hand. Then he got started on Felix’s shoes, watching Felix with the narrow focus he used to solve math problems, which made Felix so horny he had to look away.
“Do you…” Felix stopped, his breath hitching as Jacob pulled his shoes off, then his socks. “Do you need me to walk you through it?”
“No,” Jacob said, and paused. “Yes. Tell me what you like.”
Felix chewed his cheek, trying not to smile. Jacob was so fucking sweet it was breaking his heart.
“Oookay,” Felix said, gaze fixed on his dorm’s shitty ceiling as Jacob got started on his belt. “Well, first I need to get stretched.”
“No shit,” Jacob said, pulling Felix’s belt buckle free. “I know that, Mess. I want to know how you like to get stretched. Lots of prostate? No prostate? Are you sensitive? I read that it varies. Don’t fake it if you’re not sensitive, I’ll know.”
“I bet,” Felix said, giving up on his quest not to smile, and grinning like an idiot instead.
They were back. Just like when they had a screaming brawl when they were kids and were giggling together an hour later.
Felix just had to ignore the creeping thought that this memory was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.
“I am sensitive,” he added.
“Oh,” Jacob said. “Good.”
He pulled Felix’s jeans off. His cheeks were red, but otherwise he was doing a great job of not getting flustered. He took Felix’s boxers off next. His gaze lingered on Felix’s cock as it slapped up against his stomach, and Felix squirmed.
“We’ll need lube,” Felix said.
Jacob’s half-lidded eyes snapped up to his face, irritated. “Obviously! I’m not an idiot, I know how this works.”
“Just walking you through it, bud. First time and all.”
“Well don’t bring it up,” Jacob muttered. He opened the first drawer in Felix’s nightstand, making a face when he saw the industrial-sized tub of lube that could barely fit in the drawer. “Dude. How much lube do you use?”
Felix cackled, lightheaded with relief and arousal and trepidation. He’d only bought the lube so guys would have that exact reaction. Nobody had reacted as delightfully as Jacob.
“Sue me for being prepared,” Felix said. He went to pull at Jacob’s shirt, then remembered he wasn’t allowed to move his hands and bit the fabric instead. Through his teeth, he managed: “Are you getting naked or is it just me?”
Jacob shushed Felix and pulled him off his shirt. Then he slicked up his fingers.
Felix spread his legs, sweating hard. He waited for Jacob to reach for him, but Jacob just knelt there, rubbing the lube over his fingers. Warming it up, Felix realized with an overpowering wave of fondness that he really couldn’t deal with right now.
He kicked Jacob’s leg, desperately trying to smother the love threatening to surge up his throat. “Hey! Feeling neglected here.”
“You’re so impatient,” Jacob chided. He gripped Felix’s thigh, the tight hold making Felix shiver. Then he did something that made Felix’s smile drop: he bent down and pressed a kiss to Felix’s knee.
“Shut up,” Jacob said at the shock on Felix’s face. He pressed his slick fingers to Felix’s entrance, sending a zap of electricity through his taint. “Tell me if I fuck this up.”
“I will,” Felix croaked. “Loudly. Repeatedly. And I’ll kick you!”
“Good,” Jacob said, looking genuinely relieved.
Then he pressed in. Just one finger at first—Felix didn’t even have to warn him. He wondered what guides Jacob had read on anal sex, and had to force down another rush of stupid, blinding love.
Jacob squeezed Felix’s thigh, staring intently at his hole as he moved his finger gently in and out. Too gently, in Felix’s opinion.
Felix hooked his leg around his waist. “Come on, man. More than that.”
“I’m trying to find it,” Jacob replied, sliding his finger all the way in.
Felix grinned, feeling Jacob prodding around in there. “You didn’t try on yourself?”
“My fingers aren’t long enough! The diagram said—”
His finger brushed that beautiful little button. Felix jerked, his cock dripping pre-come.
Jacob made a noise like he’d been punched. He pressed harder over Felix’s prostate, forming tiny circles that made sparks dance in front of Felix’s eyes.
“Fuck,” Felix panted. He clenched his hands in the sheets, resisting the urge to grab Jacob and drag him in. He squeezed his leg around Jacob’s waist instead, pulling him closer.
“You’re supposed to be stretching me,” he said. “Not giving me a prostate exam.”
Jacob swallowed. His Adam’s apple bobbed so hard Felix wanted to bite it.
“Maybe I want to make you come first,” Jacob said. “I’m in charge, remember.”
Felix’s cock jerked again. He watched Jacob’s eyes fall to it, half-lidded and hungry. It was still a shock. Felix had spent so much time suspecting Jacob barely had any sexual desires, much less that they involved dominating the shit out of him.
“Say it,” Jacob told him.
Felix bit his lip so hard he almost tasted blood. “Make me,” he said.
Jacob groaned, a tiny noise that lit a fire in Felix’s chest. “You’re so…”
He trailed off and leaned over Felix, his button-down brushing Felix’s bare chest as he pressed their mouths together.
Felix kissed back desperately, clenching the sheets so he wouldn’t reach out. He’d spent so long forcing himself not to touch Jacob, what was one more time? Especially when he was touching Jacob, whose big, lanky body pinned Felix into the bed as he slid another finger inside him.
Jacob pressed kisses down his cheek, his jaw, worrying his teeth at a spot Felix had missed while shaving this morning.
“You’re such a little shit,” Jacob said as he curled two fingers against Felix’s prostate, making Felix writhe underneath him. “Everything’s so difficult with you. You have to fight me on this, huh? Even though we both know how much you want this.”
He pulled back, frowning. Felix whined, straining to kiss him again. Then a third finger slid into him, and Felix groaned in appreciation.
Jacob’s frown eased. He was watching Felix for a reaction, Felix realized. He didn’t want to hurt him.
He’s going to make someone a really good dom someday, Felix thought. Which was something he absolutely couldn’t deal with, so he lurched up and bit Jacob’s lip.
Jacob huffed a laugh. “Jesus, Mess.”
“Tie me up,” Felix begged. “I can’t do it, man. I want to touch you so bad. I need something holding me down.”
Jacob muttered something unintelligible and sat up. Felix watched in shock as Jacob unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off, looping it carefully around Felix’s wrists and then to the crappy headboard.
“Your shirt?” Felix gasped, hardly having to fake being scandalized. “Jacob! The creases!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jacob said. “How’s your hand?”
Felix flexed his bandaged hand. “It’s fine, Mom.”
“Don’t call me Mom right now, man.”
There was the smallest bead of sweat on Jacob’s collarbone.
It made Felix think back to the time they went to the beach in junior year.
After Felix had finally talked Jacob into going into the ocean, they’d emerged covered in salt and sand.
Felix had been struck by a single drop of seawater on Jacob’s throat.
He’d wanted to lick it off so much he clenched his teeth hard enough to snap his retainer.
Felix arched up against his restraints and licked Jacob’s collarbone.
“You’re so weird,” Jacob said, grabbing Felix by the hair. “What’s that for?”
“You’re just really hot,” Felix said honestly. With an air of sarcasm, sure, but honestly. He said a lot of things sarcastically that he meant with his whole heart. It was the only way he could tell the truth sometimes.
Jacob’s expression flickered, like he wasn’t sure if Felix was joking or not. “So are you,” he said in a rush. “You’re really beautiful, Mess.”