Chapter 16
“We just worry about you,” Jacob’s mother stressed over the phone. “Surely you can understand that!”
Jacob held back a sigh and checked the time. Only a few more minutes before he had to leave.
“I know,” Jacob said, dropping his phone back on the bed with the speakerphone on high. “I’m not saying you have to stop. I’m saying I’m twenty years old—”
“Practically a baby,” his mother scoffed.
Jacob made a face, glad they weren’t FaceTiming. “You were married and pregnant with me at twenty.”
His father took over, yelling from the background: “That isn’t the same and you know it. And since when do you talk back to your mother?”
“Sorry,” Jacob said automatically. It made him wince. He pictured Felix rolling his eyes at him, as he often did when he was gearing himself up to disobey his parents. Which he would have to do, since they were only ten minutes into a tirade that usually took twenty.
“Hey,” Jacob said, making sure to keep his tone as polite as possible. “I’m really sorry, guys, but I have to go.”
His parents made indignant noises. His father’s voice came through again, closer this time, which meant he had walked away from his ship-in-a-bottle construction table—an event that only happened when he had something serious to say.
“You’re leaving these calls earlier and earlier,” his father said.
“I’m busy,” Jacob said.
“Too busy for your parents?” his mother said, appalled. “Honestly, Jakey. I don’t know if college was the right choice for you. Especially one so far away!”
“That city is a bad influence,” his father said. “What do you have that’s more important than talking to your parents?”
Jacob bit his tongue. The therapy-centered YouTube videos he’d been watching had said that he didn’t need to give a reason. Just draw a boundary and let them live with it. As if Jacob’s parents were going to let that happen.
“I’m going to meet David,” Jacob lied. “We want to be completely sure we would make good roommates.”
“Oh,” his mother said, her disapproving tone vanishing. “That’s good. Have you told him to call us yet? I keep checking my messages, but I haven’t heard anything.”
“I’ll mention it,” Jacob said. “He’s very busy.”
There was a staccato knock on the door.
Jacob sat up, frowning. “Okay, I gotta—”
His mother cut him off. “And how’s Felix going with his house search? He must have found someplace by now, right?”
“Don’t let him sleep on your couch if he can’t find a place,” his father added. “Even if he begs! Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile. We’re so glad you’re finding other friends, Jakey.”
“Even if you won’t give us their contact information,” his mother muttered.
The door swung open. Felix strode in, eyebrows raised in a way that meant he’d heard every word since he knocked. He looked different, but Jacob couldn’t tell why.
Jacob sighed. “Oh no, that’s David. I have to go, love you guys, bye!”
“Bye-bye,” his parents chorused.
Jacob placed his phone on his meticulously dusted nightstand and stood, ignoring the butterflies that erupted in his stomach whenever Felix showed up nowadays. “What are you doing here? I thought I was coming to yours.”
“Trust me, you’ll be coming.” Felix winked badly. He could wink well, but he hammed it up to be annoying. Jacob wished he wasn’t so charmed by it.
Felix shrugged. “Shane and Nate are being annoying and romantic in my dorm. Is your roommate home for the next few hours?”
“He’s at his girlfriend’s place.”
“Cool.” Felix kicked off his shoes. Then, in a surprising act of decency, he lined them up next to the door with Jacob’s. “Someday you’re gonna have to tell your parents to fuck off. You know that, right?”
“I’m not going to tell them to fuck off,” Jacob protested. “I just want them to believe that I’m an adult.”
Felix grinned. “And that they’re boring, judgmental people and you don’t want to talk to them several times a week!”
Jacob huffed a laugh. Then he paused, taking in Felix properly. There was something different about him: the bandages on his hand were gone.
“They let you take them off,” Jacob said, taking Felix’s hand and twisting it to examine the healing burn. “They did let you, right?”
“Yes, mom,” Felix drawled. “You can even call them and check. It’s been weeks, dude. I’m fine.”
Jacob’s stomach squirmed uncomfortably. Shit, was he being like his parents? Did Felix want him to get off his back?
“I know you’re an adult,” Jacob said hastily, still examining the burn. The skin was fading from bright red to pale pink. If they were lucky—and Felix remembered his burn cream—it would barely scar.
“I would hope so,” Felix said. “You’ve fucked me, like, three times this week.”
Jacob flushed. “I just mean… you know. I respect you, or whatever. You can tell me to fuck off and I’ll do it.”
Felix’s confused expression opened up to understanding. “Dude, I wasn’t saying you’re your parents. Unlike you, I do need someone on my ass reminding me to take vitamins and listen to doctor’s orders. I should be thanking you.”
Jacob stared at him, shocked. He always assumed Felix was just entertaining him when he pulled this shit. He never thought Felix appreciated it.
Felix cleared his throat, flexing his fingers against Jacob’s. “So are you gonna let me go or do we hold hands now?”
“What? Oh.” Jacob let him go, eyeing Felix’s burned fingers carefully before looking him up and down.
“You look good,” Jacob said. Then, when Felix raised his brows again: “I mean healthy. You’ve looked kinda tired lately.”
“Tired?” Felix snorted, avoiding Jacob’s eyes. “We’re coming up on the end of the last semester, man. Everybody’s tired.”
A faint alarm bell rang in Jacob’s head. Felix only avoided his eyes when he was trying to keep something from him. But Felix was, as always, damn good at distracting him.
“If this is about our fight—” Jacob started.
Felix groaned. “Oh my god, not everything’s about you!”
“I’m not saying everything’s about me,” Jacob said. “I just—”
He fell silent as Felix stepped closer and slid his hands over Jacob’s shirt.
“Don’t let him sleep on your couch even if he begs,” Felix murmured in a mocking tone, tugging at Jacob’s top button. “Too bad you like it when I beg, huh? What would mommy and daddy say?”
Jacob should have quipped back. That’s what he would have done a few months ago. He should have gotten flustered and defensive and bitched back at him, culminating in an argument that would hopefully lead to them rolling around on the floor before Jacob pinned him.
But Jacob didn’t want to get defensive. He didn’t particularly want to get flustered, despite the sweat gathering on the back of his neck. He wanted…
He wanted. God, he wanted so much. He never knew how much he wanted until Felix awoke it in him.
“You’re such a little shit,” Jacob said, just like he knew Felix expected him to. Then, before Felix could respond, he grabbed Felix by the thighs and hauled him up.
Felix yelped. Then he cackled, throwing his arms around Jacob’s neck and letting himself get carted to the bed.
He was still laughing when Jacob dropped him onto it, so wildly and joyously Jacob thought that maybe everything would be okay.
So they had a fight—so what? It was over, and their friendship would continue, unchanged.
After Jacob found a way to fall out of love with him, anyway.
“Whole new Jacob,” Felix breathed as Jacob climbed on top of him. “Who’da thunk it? Look at you. Soon you’ll be doing wheelies on a Harley Davidson.”
Jacob hesitated. Apparently, he hesitated a moment too long, because Felix narrowed his eyes.
“Jacob,” he said. “What’s with the face?”
Jacob sighed. “I… kind of have an appointment tomorrow. To try out a motorcycle.”
Felix yelped triumphantly, writhing underneath him.
Jacob smiled reluctantly, unable to hide it. “You’re coming, right?”
Felix’s grin faded. Jacob suddenly realized how close they were and sat up, feeling caught out, as if his parents had walked in. It seemed to be the right move, because Felix immediately wriggled out from underneath him and stood.
“Actually,” Felix said, straightening his T-shirt, “I have a thing.”
Jacob frowned. “What thing? You don’t have a thing. I didn’t even say what time I was going.”
“It’s all day,” Felix claimed.
“Cancel it.”
“Can’t.” Felix shot him a crooked smile, but Jacob knew something was terribly wrong. Felix wouldn’t meet his eyes, fiddling with his shirt. “Hey, uh… about the list. We’re finished, right?”
Jacob felt like he’d been doused in cold water. He nodded robotically. “Sure,” he said. “Yeah.”
“Just making sure,” Felix said. “I mean, if there was anything else you wanted to do…”
“Like what?” Jacob asked, heart pounding. Did Felix want to try something new? Was he going to say yes to fisting after all? Or was he going to make a joke, like usual?
Felix shrugged, scuffing his shoe against the carpet. “Anything.”
Love me, Jacob thought. But he shook his head again, hoping Felix couldn’t tell how bitter he felt. How angry he was at himself for having all these ridiculous, useless emotions and no way to talk about them.
“No,” Jacob lied. “There’s nothing.”
Whatever Felix was doing, Jacob thought as he kicked the motorcycle stand back and straddled the seat the next day, it had to be important.
Felix canceled on things all the time if it meant he could hang out with Jacob.
Even if it was just to watch a movie. It was how he lost his first job in freshman year.
The idea that Felix didn’t come to watch him ride a motorcycle because he had some mysterious, unmissable thing made Jacob unmeasurably worried.
Felix insisted all was forgiven, but obviously something had changed since their fight.
I should have told him earlier I didn’t want to live with him, Jacob thought guiltily as he felt the accelerator. I just didn’t think he’d mind this much.
Jacob knew Felix better than anyone. But even he got fooled by Felix’s uncaring facade every once in a while.
The saleswoman cleared her throat. “Everything okay over there?”