Chapter 18
Jacob could feel Felix’s heartbeat.
The websites didn’t mention that, he thought as he pressed a fourth finger inside Felix’s hole. The thoughts seemed distant, even in his own head. It was hard to concentrate with Felix stretched so wide around him, face down and panting into the mattress.
He was gorgeous. Sweat gleaming on his spine, his knees shaking from holding himself up.
Jacob curled his fingers gently against Felix’s sweet spot.
Felix jerked weakly. “Qu-quit it. Just stretch me.”
Jacob said nothing, eyeing Felix’s cock as it twitched between his legs. It was painfully red and dripping, a drop of come still clinging to his cockhead. He’d come twice already. He’d begged Jacob to cut it out or he’d never get his whole hand inside.
Which was actually looking like a possibility right now. This had always been a hypothetical, something Jacob watched on an Incognito tab while chalking it up as something he would never do. But his thumb was nudging at Felix’s hole, and Felix was slowly giving way.
After another few moments of prodding, Jacob slowly worked the tip of his thumb inside.
Felix shuddered.
“Hey,” Jacob said. He kissed Felix’s spine, unable to stop himself. Felix couldn’t make fun of him for it when he was so out of it. “How is it?”
“Big,” Felix mumbled. “Is it almost in?”
“Almost,” Jacob agreed. “Got… got all my fingers in there now. Holy shit. You’re sure it’s not too much?”
“Do I look like I’m tapping out?” Felix twisted around to grin at him.
But only for a second. Then he went back to rubbing his face against the sheets, his eyes closed.
He hadn’t looked at Jacob much since he got on the bed.
Jacob chalked it down to Felix being nervous.
But he still seemed like he was having a good time, which was what counted.
“I’m just saying,” Jacob said, his fingers stilling inside him. “Anytime you want to call it.”
“Kinda sounds like you want to call it,” Felix panted into the pillow. “Are you wimping out on me right now?”
“No. It just…” Jacob trailed off, staring at his fingers inside Felix’s hole.
He’d been about to say it looked impossible.
And it had, back when he’d worked that first finger in.
But he’d been slowly stretching Felix out for at least forty minutes now, and they were almost at the widest part: the knuckles.
“We’re almost there,” Jacob said, watching his lubed-up knuckles bump up against Felix’s hole. “The guides say that once the knuckles are in, the rest of it is easy.”
Felix giggled. Jacob swore he could feel it around his fingers, a brief vibration before Felix’s heartbeat took over once again.
“Can’t believe you read a guide,” Felix said.
“Of course I read a guide,” Jacob replied, appalled. “Did you not read a guide? You can really hurt someone doing this shit. Did you not read guides?”
“A couple,” Felix admitted breathily. “I just wanted to make fun of you, man. You know how much I love it.”
“I know,” Jacob said quietly.
He thrust his fingers in and out, catching his knuckles on the rim and making them both gasp.
“Fuck,” Felix whispered. He flinched back and forth on Jacob’s fingers, like he didn’t know if he wanted him deeper or not. “Why is your hand so fucking big, man?”
“Sorry,” Jacob said, unable to look away from the incredible sight of Felix stretched around him. He was so close to taking his knuckles, his hole giving way a little more every time he rocked inside.
“Don’t be,” Felix said. “Always liked your hands.”
“You did?” Jacob hesitated, then set his free hand on Felix’s hip and squeezed.
Felix moaned. Jacob was suddenly struck by a memory from freshman year: Felix insisting he had bigger hands, which was obviously ridiculous. But he wouldn’t shut up about it until Jacob finally grabbed his hand and plastered it against his, proving how much it encompassed Felix’s own.
There, Jacob had snapped, thrilled in ways he refused to understand. Happy?
Ecstatic, Felix had replied, his cheeks so flushed Jacob checked him for fever.
Jacob hadn’t recognized the hunger in Felix’s eyes until now. It was the same hunger Felix always got when Jacob overpowered him.
Jacob pressed his fingers deeper. His knuckles pressed against Felix’s hole, testing the give. Then—slowly, and then all at once—his knuckles slid inside.
Neither of them moved. Jacob stared, dumbstruck, at the sight below him.
His hand was inside Felix. Part of him had been convinced they’d have to call it off, Jacob had big hands, and Felix was a tiny guy. But here he was, shivering around Jacob’s entire goddamn hand.
Jacob watched Felix’s hole flutter around him, transfixed. It took him a moment to realize he needed to check in.
“Mess,” he managed. “You okay?”
Felix made a soft noise into the pillow, and Jacob was overcome.
He wanted to tell Felix how much it meant that Felix trusted him enough to do this. How incredible Felix felt, the impossible heat clamping down around his fingers.
Jacob pushed tentatively. His hand slid further inside, until Felix was squeezing around his wrist.
Felix made another noise. This one was so urgent that Jacob froze, ready to pull out. Then he noticed Felix’s cock, swollen and jerking against nothing.
He was coming, Jacob realized as he watched spurts of come hit the sheets. Shaking and coming and crying out so intensely Jacob genuinely worried he was in pain.
“Mess,” he repeated as Felix quietened down. “Hey, how are you feeling? Does it hurt?”
Felix shook his head. He twisted to look at Jacob, whose breath caught when he saw Felix’s tear-stained cheeks.
“You sure?” Jacob asked.
“Doesn’t hurt,” Felix slurred. He closed his eyes, a lock of blond hair falling onto his sweaty forehead. “You should fuck me.”
Jacob’s neglected cock throbbed in his jeans. He hadn’t gotten around to taking his clothes off yet. Partly because Felix got off on it, and partly because he had genuinely gotten distracted. Felix was always distracting him, for better or worse.
We’ve already done that, Jacob thought about pointing out. But he wasn’t about to bring up the list now.
“With what?” Jacob asked. “My hand or my cock?”
“Dealer’s choice,” Felix said after a moment. He sounded wrecked. Jacob was in awe of him.
Jacob slowly pulled his hand back, watching in stunned fascination as it emerged from Felix’s hole. He pulled it out until only his fingertips remained. Then he slid it back in.
Felix’s moan was almost as loud as the squelching lube.
It dripped down Jacob’s wrist, over Felix’s balls and down his softening cock.
Jacob felt crazy. He wanted to lick up every drop of Felix’s sweat.
He wanted to hold Felix down and make him sob.
He wanted so much he didn’t know what to do with it, which was the whole problem in the first place, wasn’t it?
His desire was so deep he couldn’t even look at it.
Jacob fucked his hand in and out of Felix’s hole, watching Felix jerk under him. His cries were harsh, so desperate Jacob suspected he was lying about not being in pain.
“You’re sure it doesn’t hurt?” Jacob asked.
Felix shook his head again. “’S just… so much.” His voice broke.
It was so beautiful Jacob had no choice but to pull his hand out and scrabble for his jeans, feeling like he might die if he didn’t get inside him again.
He didn’t even bother with a condom—Felix had assured him he was clean, and Jacob didn’t care about coming too fast. Not when Felix was three orgasms deep and incoherent underneath him.
It was an easy slide. Felix had never been stretched so wide, Jacob reminded himself, something possessive and hot roaring inside him as he fucked easily into him.
Felix whimpered when he bottomed out. His knee slipped against the sheets, and Jacob pulled it back into place. Propping him up so he could fuck into him like he wanted.
He plastered himself over Felix’s back, not caring about the sweat staining his shirt or how his buttons might be rubbing Felix’s skin. He hoped they left marks. Felix was his, had been his for most of their life. There should be proof of that.
“You’re fucking incredible,” Jacob panted into Felix’s ear. “Stretched so wide around me. God, Felix.”
Felix made a noise that could have been an agreement. Another tear fell down his cheek, and Jacob licked it off.
“Opened up so good for me,” Jacob murmured senselessly. “Can’t believe how amazing you felt. I could feel your heartbeat around my hand, what the fuck.”
He wrapped an arm around Felix’s throat and pulled him back. Not cutting off any airflow, just holding him close. Felix groaned, and Jacob wondered if he was remembering all the times Jacob had pulled this move during their endless wrestling matches when they were teenagers.
“You feel so good,” Jacob said, barely aware of what he was saying. “Never felt anything as good as you. You make me crazy.”
He grabbed Felix’s chin, twisting it until he could kiss him. Felix’s mouth was slack with cries, but Jacob could feel him trying, putting pressure against Jacob’s mouth in between whimpers.
“I’m gonna come,” Jacob grunted. “Squeeze around me. Do it.”
Felix’s hole clenched around him. Jacob wanted to praise him for it, tell him he was ruining Jacob for any other guy, but he couldn’t speak. His orgasm slammed into him so hard it knocked him breathless, incapable of doing anything but holding Felix in a vice-grip while he came inside him.
While they recovered, Jacob fed Felix pieces of vending machine chocolate and dried apricots. When he could speak again, Jacob asked, “So… did you like it?”
Felix didn’t reply.
Jacob watched him, frowning, expectant.
“I’m chewing, dipshit,” Felix said through a mouthful of apricot. He swallowed, accepted the next slab of chocolate Jacob fed him, and lay back against Jacob’s chest, still chewing.
“It was…” Felix paused. “Really, um. Intimate.”
“Sorry,” Jacob said.
“No, come on.” Felix sighed. “I loved it, okay? I didn’t think I would, but…” He trailed off again. Then he shifted in Jacob’s arms, mumbling something into Jacob’s chest.
“What was that?”
Felix sighed, lifting his head to glare at Jacob. “I said I’ve never felt so close to anyone before. Okay?”
He dropped his head back down, hiding his face from view. He was almost sulking, as if giving Jacob the excuse to tell him off for it.
But for once, Jacob didn’t fall for it. He ran a hand through Felix’s hair, rubbing the sweaty strands.
“Me neither,” Jacob said softly.
Felix looked up again. There was a fleck of chocolate on his cheek. Jacob wiped it off with his thumb then sucked it off, tasting Felix’s tears under the sweetness.
The moment stretched. Felix stared at him, his eyes big and uncertain. The desire that Jacob had been refusing to look at for most of his life surged to the surface, making his arms tighten around Felix so hard he had to force himself to stop.
But before he could apologize for it, Felix asked, “Are you proud of me for not doing a Kermit impression?”
Jacob blinked. “What?”
“A Kermit impression,” Felix repeated, like it was obvious. He held up his hand like it was inside an invisible puppet.
Finally it clicked. Jacob burst out laughing, so loudly and hysterically it shocked them both.
“Wow,” Felix said, grinning. “Okay. It wasn’t that funny.”
Jacob cackled, curling around him joyously. He couldn’t talk, only gasp for breath and wait for the laughter to subside. He couldn’t believe it took him so long to realize his feelings. How could he not be in love with his best friend?
“Fuck, man,” Jacob wheezed when he could speak again. “I love you.”
There was a moment when he thought he’d ruined everything. But Felix barely missed a beat. He just stopped for a moment, then lay down against Jacob’s still chest.
“Yeah,” Felix said, so muffled Jacob could hardly make it out. “Love you too, bud.”