Chapter 5 Cam W – Sweet Melons
Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye
Love’s Labour’s Lost, William Shakespeare
I was only half-focused on the movie. With Miranda next to me, my attention was divided, as it always was around her.
I’d felt instant attraction the moment I spied her out of Damon’s window over a year ago, and that attraction had only grown.
She was beautiful, and at the time, that was enough to draw my eye.
But now that I’d got to know her more, I’d learned she was also hilarious, spirited, passionate, and caring.
Things were never boring with her around and her love for her family was almost contagious.
I’d never met a more loyal person in my life.
She had since drawn Lucy into her charismatic web, adopting her as an honorary Bard sister.
When she’d come through the door looking broken, my first instinct was to sweep her up in my arms and comfort her, but we didn’t have that kind of relationship.
I openly flirted with her, hoping to let her know how I felt, but I kept it at a respectful, surface level.
I don’t think she had feelings for me. If she did, she wouldn’t be with that overgrown boy of a man.
She was too loyal to betray someone even on an emotional level, despite the fact that this thing Bad Cam had with Jess sounded a lot like an emotional affair.
She sat, drinking her wine like it was an elixir.
She was definitely out to get drunk tonight.
That was okay. I’d help her to bed like a gentleman, keeping my hands to myself but enjoying her closeness.
She smelled amazing: a heavy, exotic perfume emanating from her and making my dick hard.
Maybe she was into those pheromone perfumes that were popular at the moment.
I thought the pheromone theory was a bunch of shit, but something was making me hard.
Miranda had a sweet face. Her large blue eyes were expressive and easy to read.
They were framed by long, black eyelashes.
I’d seen her hung over and tired before and her eyes were always the same.
Her sweet little turned-up nose made her eyes look even bigger, almost like they were anime ones.
She had long, dark hair that was almost black.
It was always twisted up in some weird arrangement, exposing her elegant, fragile neck.
It’s weird what can attract you to someone.
I had a thing for her collarbones. They were so delicate.
I frequently felt like I had developed some strange new fetish because I wanted to run my tongue across them and then up her neck.
And then below her collarbone, of course, because I’m also just a man.
Just as the killer was about to be caught by the movie protagonist, we heard incessant honking from out the front, followed by a drunken “Miranda! Miranda’s sweet melons!”
Always up for a bit of drama, Lucy opened the front door and motioned us all out. “It’s Asshole Cam, on a drunken drive by!” she said excitedly. Lucy loved being the narrator.
We all hurried outside to see Cam hanging out the passenger window of someone’s car. He began singing:
You say you need more, like a ring or a plan,
But all I need is my mouth and two hands.
Don’t need no vows babe, and don’t wanna fight,
Just wanna grab those titties every night.
Miranda, my sweet girl, you’re always top notch,
You have my heart but I wanna give you my cock.
I promise I’d listen to whatever you said —
But for now, I’ll be worshippin’ your sweet melons instead.
Really? He’d somehow upset her on their anniversary date and now he was loaded and singing a song about her tits in front of all of us?
She kept her face neutral, but her jaw was clenched.
I mean, I understood him on a base level.
She had amazing tits from what I could see.
Firm, high, round, and the perfect size for my hands.
But if I had Miranda, and I’d fucked up like this guy had, I’d be doing the whole flowers-and-grovel thing, in private.
Not singing like a drunken jackass about how horny she made me.
That would be only for fun times between the two of us.
Plus, I wasn’t much of a songwriter. Maybe I could develop an app for her.
Damon and Cordy wandered over to the car, who I could now see was driven by a brunette woman, perhaps Moonwalker Jess.
Miranda turned on her heel and went inside, while Damon and Cordy were presumably telling Moonwalker and Asshole Cam to leave.
Lucy watched with a smile on her face. She was a real lover of drama.
I slipped back into the house. Miranda was rinsing out her wine glass and pouring a drink of water.
“You okay? At least it rhymed. Too bad none of it showed any respect.”
“I’m fine. I really am tired now and going to bed. I’ll sort this out in the morning.”
“Miranda, if you want to talk, I’m here. I’ll—”
“Nope, I’m good.” She placed the wine glass upside down on the draining board.
“Well, if you change your mind, I promise I won’t bring middle-school locker room energy into an adult conversation like Bad Cam does. He seriously wrote a love song and forgot to include the woman in it.”
She didn’t look happy. I shouldn’t have commented on her relationship. I wasn’t here to badmouth Asshole Cam to her and engineer a break-up, but it’s honestly what I felt like doing.
“Goodnight Cameron.”
“Goodnight Miranda. Oh, and by the way, they definitely deserve a song, but so does the woman attached to them.” I was trying to lighten the mood, to bring us back to flirty, jokey Miranda and Cam.
I carefully used the words “they” and “them” to describe her tits because other synonyms felt weird.
Boobs was a word women used, titties and knockers seemed juvenile, and breasts was too anatomical and medical.
Tits was my go-to word, but it seemed inappropriate for a non-boyfriend to use. No way would I use melons.
She didn’t answer, opting instead to disappear down the hallway into her bedroom.
Fuck Bad Cam. Why did she keep investing in him?
He was never there for her. He barely attended her art events, but that was probably a good thing.
Someone who said “word” as a term of agreement and “collab” to describe anything that involved more than one person in any life activity didn’t belong in serious adult settings.