Chapter 6 Miranda — Cam confusion
Promising is the very air o’ the time; it opens the eyes of expectation
Timon of Athens, William Shakespeare
The next morning, I woke up feeling a bit better. I’d had arguments with Cam before, and there’s no reason we couldn’t talk this one out too. Cordy bustled through the door holding a huge bunch of bright pink gerberas.
“These were on the doorstep. The card just says, ‘Dearest Miranda.’”
I smiled. Typical Cam. We did argue a fair bit, but he was big on grand gestures, just like the one he performed last night, though that one was definitely misguided. Damon had heard Sweet Melons before, but it was a debut performance for everyone else.
Me: Thanks for flowers. Let’s catch up for lunch xx
Cam: I didn’t send flowers?? Who are they from??
My face went blank. The confusion must have been written on my face because Cordy leaned over and read my phone.
“Oh,” she said simply.
“Yeah. Where’s Luce? Is this her?” Lucy was incredibly thoughtful and loved bright colors. This was probably her.
“No, I suspect what we have here is a good old-fashioned case of mistaken Cam identities. Lucy’s Cam was over here this morning. I’m tipping your Cam is in bed nursing a hangover, and Nice Cam left you these.”
“Nice Cam implies my Cam is Bad Cam.” I threw her a defensive look.
“Oh, that’s not what I meant. I just mean that Cam W is a good guy.
Your Cam is good, he’s just … well, you know what he is Miranda, so I’m just gonna say it.
I like him. He’s a fun guy but I don’t like him for you.
Just because you invest a certain amount of time in someone doesn’t mean they have to be your endgame.
Cam won’t ever commit. He’ll always chase his dreams. He’ll be that sad old guy in a bar telling everyone stories of how he ‘almost made it.’ I don’t want that for you.
You deserve love, commitment, and stability.
Passion and fun are great, but they’re not a good foundation for a serious relationship. ”
I wanted to tell her off, to scream at her and defend Cam, but I knew she was right. I needed more and Cam was just never going to give it to me. But I loved him. I really loved him. My phone buzzed again.
Cam: Who are they from Miranda? They’re not from me! Who the fuck is giving you flowers?
Ah, so apparently Cam could be jealous sometimes.
Me: I have no idea. Probably Lucy or the other Cam.
Like I said, I never lied to Cam.
Cam: Tell him to fuck off or I will.
Interesting. So he could have deep and meaningfuls with Jess, but Cam couldn’t cheer me up when I was sad? Flowers were a bit over the line, but still, I felt satisfied.
Cam: I’ll come over for lunch. I’ll bring some subs?
Me: Yeah, that’d be nice, thanks.
I dragged myself out of bed, pulling on jeans and an old top.
I usually loved to dress up. I loved being comfortable, but I also loved color and style.
When Cam arrived, I was lounging on the sofa.
I never ended up getting drunk last night after I was rudely interrupted with a humiliating song, so my head was clear. Cam’s was not.
“I’m so sorry baby,” he whispered, sitting by my side and grabbing me in a side hug. “I thought it’d be funny last night, a way to make it up to you. Jess came over and she thought it would be a nice gesture to break the ice.”
“I’m not just angry about the song Cam, though serenading my breasts in front of all my friends was a terrific end to a shitty night.
I’m not your fucking punchline to be reduced to body parts for a laugh.
I’m your girlfriend! The fact that you have more than one thing to apologize for after our four-year anniversary should tell you something.
And why the fuck are you sharing our relationship problems with Jess? ”
He kissed my face and pulled me closer.
“I know babe, I’ll do better. Why don’t we start spending more nights together? Six nights instead of five?”
I scoffed. More sex was my consolation prize? How long could I keep doing this? I didn’t answer; I just stared directly into the wall in front of me.
“When I get back from LA next Friday, I’ll take you somewhere nice to make up for last night. I promise.”
“About that. I told you I had my first show next week, and instead, you’re gallivanting off with Jess. You know how important this is to me.”
“Shit, I thought it was just a random show. I didn’t know you had pieces in it.”
“One piece, Cam. But I worked hard on it. You were fucking there as I sketched it, telling me how proud you were. Now, I get to show it properly at a real gallery and you’re off for a drunken binge with your high-school buddy and crush.”
“She’s not a crush, Miranda! How many times do I have to tell you that? And this trip is for my career. It’s not a fucking excuse to binge drink.”
I huffed and crossed my arms. He’d taken so many of these “career” trips and they’d all ended in rejection and copious amounts of alcohol.
We were approaching our late 20s. When would he grow up?
Lucy was right. I needed to cut the cord, but I still loved him.
His humor was the best, though he did use it at inappropriate times.
He was the kind of guy who tried to joke his way out of trouble, even when it was wildly inappropriate to do so, like that terrible time at dinner with Mom and Dad.
“How’s the songwriting going?” Mom asked Cam, who was tucking into his roast beef like he hadn’t eaten in years.
“Awesome! With a muse like your daughter, I can’t lose.” He smiled at me through his mouthful of food. I didn’t even look at Dad, who I knew couldn’t bear it when people spoke with their mouths full.
“Ah yes. Two artists together will always make for an interesting life, and I imagine a very busy life.” Mom commented.
“Yeah, well, like your dad always says, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
There was silence.
“My father is dead,” Mom said in a steady voice.
Cam sat mutely, his cheeks full of beef.
“Grandpa Harold died last year, Cam. You were at his funeral,” I hissed in his ear.
He swallowed.
“Yeah, well, I guess he is sleeping now. He ghosted us.” He forced a laugh.
Oh my God. Kill me now. Dad cleared his throat and glared at Cam.
“Well, I hope his spirit haunts your sense of humor,” Mom remarked dryly, standing to pass Cordy the beans.
“I know how important this is to you Miranda. I’ll cut the trip short and be back in time for your show Thursday night.
” Cam pulled my head around to face him and kissed me, like the argument was over.
I sighed. I did love him. I just needed him to be there, to really see me.
I’d give him another chance, but if he blew it again, well I …
I don’t know. I’d end it, I guess. I’d say goodbye to four years of building something with him.