Chapter 37
Breaking Down
Levi
I fucked up. I told the truth.
The dark, twisted truth about life, our life.
Life has never been easy. In some way, I wonder if Scarlett and I were supposed to make it this far.
Somehow, we keep surviving even when it feels impossible.
Scarlett has grown in her mindset; she’s becoming fierce.
I can see the look of power in her eyes now —the look I once had, and don’t get me wrong, I will not be taken down.
I’m still strong, and I will remain resilient just as I always have, but fuck I am tired.
I hadn’t planned on telling Spencer, but when he got home, his face dropped when he saw me, and I felt destroyed.
This entire time, I have lied to him; we have lied to him.
After going off on him in the garage, I felt horrible.
He’s done nothing but be the best friend to me, protective, caring, and I chewed his ass over one question.
That’s some Grant shit right there. So, instead, I gathered my bearings, pushed down the embarrassment and fear, and walked into his kitchen.
That’s when I saw him at the table, looking full-on defeated.
It was shameful that I, a damn near grown man, got beaten by his stepdad.
I was scared because no one knows this secret.
This is the secret of secrets, the one shoved so far in the closet it was never supposed to come out, but Spencer deserved the truth.
He deserved to know why we were often ‘sick’, why Scarlett shouldn’t be home alone, or why she wanted to learn self-defense.
I know he has to wonder. You know what’s worse than being embarrassed?
Being lied to, and I wasn't gonna do that to him anymore.
When I told him, it was like I finally broke through the waves to scream for help, just before another crashed over me, taking me back down.
It was the scream for help that was powerful; it was telling me I needed help.
The thing about helping everyone else is that no one thinks you ever need help, so you end up doing everything alone while holding everyone else up. As I said, I'm tired.
I will take Grant down; I will make him pay for what he has done.
However, I know it will not end well. There will be an explosion.
It’s been building, growing into an inferno, and someone is going to burn.
With Letty growing stronger, we can make Grant pay together.
Together, we can burn down the house, with him in it.
That’s why I have had to play the long game, to play this smart; I can’t be reckless, as recklessness brings danger. I can’t put Letty in danger.
After leaving Spencer’s house, I head to Maddie’s.
With Spencer meeting Scarlett for self-defense training, I know she’s in good hands.
Arriving at Maddie’s, my mind is on a loop of everything that has happened over the last couple of days, playing on repeat.
First, Grant and his bullshit, then Scarlett telling me to feel anything but strong, and finally, me venting to Spencer about everything.
Stepping out of the car, Maddie opens the door and gives a sheepish smile. “Hey, stranger.” I gave her the best smile I could crack, but it didn’t fool her.
“Levi? What’s going on?” she asks, concern lacing her voice.
“Huh? Nothing, Peach, just tired, that’s all.” It’s not exactly a lie, just not the entire truth.
“Hmmm, where’s my dirty talk? My flirty jokes and the slap on the ass in greeting?”
Fuck, there’s no hiding from this girl, “Sorry, I just…” Cutting off the bullshit about to spew from my mouth, she steps to the side and points to the stairs.
“That’s it, up to my room, now.” Leaving me no choice but to obey, I shuffle past her and head towards the stairs.
Walking into her room, I take in the smell and how it immediately alters my nerves.
Sitting on her bed, she looks at me. “Levi, talk to me.” Why does everyone think that phrase will work?
It won’t make someone talk; it doesn’t magically start an avalanche of feelings and truths.
She sits on the bed next to me, and I can’t help but drink her in.
Her hair is tied back into a messy bun, and her tan skin glows, makeup-free, as her sun-kissed freckles dance along the bridge of her nose.
Her small black tank top holds in her breasts, the only barrier keeping them in place.
Her defined collarbones draw my attention, and as her heartbeat rises, I watch the small pulse beat on the side of her neck.
Her little nose ring, sexy as fuck, shines as the lamp hits it just right.
My eyes drift to her bare legs, shorts sliding up her tight thighs as she crosses her legs on top of one another, folding them in a meditative style.
As her legs cross, my eyes drift to the perfect pussy presenting in front of me.
With only shorts and what I assume is a little thong standing in the way of pure pleasure and satisfaction.
My dick aches at the sight of her, I shiver remembering her taste, and the way she feels beneath my fingers.
“Earth to Levi.” She snaps her fingers, dragging my attention back up to her beautiful blue eyes that have every way of making me obey her.
“Maddie.” I give her a smirk and move my hand up her thigh. She places her small hand on top of mine, stopping the proceedings.
“What’s going on? I know you, Levi. Something is up.
” I try to drag my hand away from under her grasp, but she holds it in place.
“Whatever it is, it won’t leave this room.
Please trust me with whatever is weighing you down, because it looks heavy.
” She isn’t wrong. It feels suffocating, more so than usual.
Perhaps I'm tired of treading in rough waters, and maybe I'd rather float than fight for my life.
Perhaps I want to be saved, just as I have saved everyone else.
“You won’t like what I have to say.” I sigh, trying to decide what to tell her.
How much of me do I let her see? My facade is top tier, I’m happy-go-lucky, a sports guy who likes to party, and I’m always down to fuck.
I get good grades, and my sister is my best friend; I’m possessive of her.
I am strong, like to race my car, smoke cigarettes, and drink on the weekend.
That’s me. At least that’s who I am to everyone else.
For the first time, someone is asking me to break down, and fuck, I want to.
She squeezes my hand, catching my eyes, demanding I look at her. “I don’t like the bruise on your face either, so tell me.” She places her hand on top of mine.
I take a deep breath and remove my hand from her grasp, placing it out in front of her to initiate a handshake.
She slides her pink painted nails around my hand and shakes my hand.
“Hey, I’m Levi. My mother committed suicide almost one year ago.
I’m also a brother, but more like a father, to my sister Scarlett.
I have been taking care of her since I can remember.
” She stops shaking my hand and places her hand on my shoulder.
“Tell me more.” Taken aback, I stare at her in confusion.
I just told her my mother killed herself, and there was no pity, no sorry, that must suck, or wow, you take care of your sister, sucks to be you.
Nothing. Instead, she wants to know more.
Her soft, intuitive eyes tell me she is ready for what I have to say, so I start at the beginning.
“Um, alright, my dad was in the army, he died in the line of duty, while my mother was having an affair with Grant, Scarlett's father. Ultimately, she grew to hate her life in her loveless marriage and was unfulfilled with her two children. Instead of wanting to do better and work towards a better tomorrow, she offered herself. Leaving her much alive children feeling lifeless, and her husband, a free and pleased man. The only ones who pay the price for parental mistakes are the children, but it’s often beaten around with the notorious line, and my mother's favorite, ‘ I did the best I could.’ I believed her at first. Until she stopped fighting for us, when she offered us up to him, because she was defeated by the choice she had made, she stopped going out of her way to make sure we were okay, because she wasn’t. Instead, the roles reversed; I made sure she was okay. I cleaned her up after every bad night. After everything went south, I was her north, her direction, her guidance. What did I get for a thank you? ‘You take care of her now.’ Now? Like I wasn't before? She checked out. For so long, I have had to be strong, Maddie. I’ve had to take it, the lack of love, compassion, security, unease; I took it all from everyone. If they felt unloved, I loved them and showed them compassion when they were at their weakest. I gave them security in knowing I would not fail them; I took their unease and gave them peace. Guess who showed me love, compassion, and security? Who gave me peace? Not a damn person.” I can feel my heart blasting against my ribs, my hairline now filled with sweat, because I gave it to her, the only thing I hid was Grant, the devil, for the lack of all things good in our lives.