Chapter 39
MARTHA
The sweat was running down my back and I could feel it disappearing into my underwear, but after weeks of generally feeling uncomfortable – a combination of being a bit sweaty or a bit cold, a bit hungry and a lot tired – I didn’t care, I’d become immune.
The finish line was in sight and that was all I could see now.
Erin ran up the steps beside me, letting out little puffs of air through her mouth in time with the pace of her trainers hitting the ground.
Cape Spear Lighthouse was in front of us and then nothing but thousands of miles of the Atlantic Ocean.
‘Come on then, Erin,’ I called out. ‘We can do this.’
‘Almost there, Nana,’ she said.
‘How many times! For goodness’ sake, call me Martha,’ I said with a smile, keen to lighten the mood after our car park emotions.
‘Save your energy. You can tell me off later,’ Erin panted and reached for my hand.
We took the last ten steps together and then we were at the top, onto a gravel path with the final checkpoint almost in reaching distance.
I could see there were twenty more steps up to the lighthouse itself.
I wouldn’t be running up those, that was for sure.
I had nothing left to give as we stepped forward for the last time in this race.
I was feeling emotional still. My chest was heaving with the effort of running uphill but my heart was full of everything we had been through over the last weeks.
Whatever happened now, we would always have this incredible experience.
We were doing this for my daughter, we were doing this for Erin’s mother, we were doing this in memory of Clare, but most of all we were doing it for ourselves.
Erin already had my hand as we reached the bottom of those last steps. We were ready to find out if we had won the race, to see if we had come first on this trip of a lifetime.
‘Hello, ladies.’
I spun round to see Harrison and Sam right behind us. There were maybe ten metres between us and the steps to the lighthouse, and there was a moment when I thought the men were going to push past us to get to the top.
I stared at Harrison and he stared at me and we were locked into each other. All manner of unsaid words passed between us and I saw love in those eyes. Love and possibility.
‘GO!’ shouted Noah. ‘What are you playing at?’
I glanced at Erin and she had walked back and now had hold of Sam’s hand. They obviously had their own silent conversation going on.
‘Together?’ Erin said. ‘Twelve and a half grand will suit me just fine.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ Cally joined in now. ‘Just get up the damn steps.’
‘The viewers will love this,’ Noah said.
‘To be honest, you were here first,’ Harrison said. ‘I’m not going to push past you.’
‘Just for a moment I thought you were,’ I said.
‘Perhaps for a moment I thought about it.’
‘Together then,’ I said, and dropped my rucksack to the ground.
So, all four of us walked up the steps together and found the book on a table in front of us. I turned to grin at the others and opened the page.
Femi and Liz had got there before us. A full two hours ago. I began to laugh at the sheer audacity of us. As if we were the only people in the race. As if we were bound to win. I held up the book to show the others and Sam groaned.
‘I’m delighted for them,’ I said. ‘The best people won. They raced smart and hard. They deserve it.’
I caught Erin’s eye and she smiled. With a slight nod of her head, she let me know she was okay with it. There really wasn’t another option anyway. She had Sam, she was happy.
‘So, poor Priya and Tara will be last then,’ I said.
‘Poor? That’s very generous of you, Martha,’ said Erin.
In some small way I did feel sorry for Priya. She couldn’t really be a happy person. But perhaps you do only reap what you sow. And with the next breath of wind coming in from the sea I let all thoughts of her go.
‘I just want a pedicure and a gin and tonic,’ I said, and Harrison laughed.
‘That, we can manage,’ Cally called from the bottom of the steps.
Erin and Sam began to walk back down and I could hear him muttering about the fifty grand, but I was keen to stay and look at the view.
We’d raced for weeks to get here, I wasn’t about to turn and walk away.
Cally and Noah disappeared down the steps to the car park and then it was just Harrison with me at what felt like the edge of the world.
I was beginning to feel chilly now that the sweat had cooled on my body.
The wind had picked up and I shivered. The mix of weather we’d experienced across the breadth of Canada had been varied as we’d raced.
It wasn’t surprising it was chilly up here.
The sky was a beautiful azure blue and shot through with the midday sun, but there was little warmth in it, not with the cool gusts coming in off the Atlantic Ocean.
And of course I thought about Clare as I always did, but I thought more about Erin and how far she had come.
Erin had always been my priority after Clare died but I could see now that I had her living in her mother’s shadow.
It was time to let her come out and for me to stop making unnecessary comparisons.
Erin was her own woman with her own ideas and now, she had a better sense of what she wanted to do and who she wanted to be. It was my job to let her.
Harrison slid his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to the warmth of his body.
‘I only signed up to this race so I could see you again,’ he said.
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. I hoped you hadn’t changed a bit and you haven’t. You’re still as beautiful and intense as you ever were.’
‘That’s funny, because I only signed up so I could beat you,’ I said and he pulled me closer still.
‘You did, though. You did beat me, fair and square. You and Erin were on your way up the steps when we showed up.’
‘It’s been the most exhausting and brilliant thing I’ve ever done,’ I said. ‘I’ve let go of a lot on this journey. You don’t realise how much pain you’re carrying until you put it down.’
He squeezed my shoulder and briefly let his head drop to rest on mine. My eyes travelled the rocky Newfoundland coastline as it disappeared into the distance and I watched as the sea crashed onto the rocks below. The view was breathtaking. I was honestly the happiest I’d been in a long time.
‘I don’t care about the money,’ he said. ‘All I want is you.’
He turned to me then, his expression serious. He was clearly trying to find the right words to say.
‘So, how do we play this? What do we do when we get back home?’ he said.
‘What do we do? We do everything. I’m too old for playing hard to get. My plan is to embrace my life and everything it has to offer. Quite honestly, it would be a travesty if I didn’t. I owe it to Erin and I owe it to myself.’
‘And I feature in that?’ he asked and it was almost sad to hear that hesitation in his voice.
I lifted my hand to his face and cupped his cheek. The wind was blowing his hair around and he looked quite the movie star.
‘You will feature heavily in my life. I was going to suggest you pack a bag and come to mine and then, basically, not leave again.’
He smiled. ‘I like the sound of that,’ he said. ‘I like the sound of that very much.’
I pulled his face closer to mine and then without caring if Noah had his camera on us, I kissed him.