15. Elias
Elias took a step back and stared at her. His brain was… not there. His head was completely empty. He couldn’t hear anything, and the edges of his vision were greying. Was he dying? Was this an aneurysm?
‘God. I know I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that. I’m sorry. See? I told you I’m a mess I?—’
Elias held up his hand to stop her speaking. He couldn’t actually comprehend the words coming out of her mouth anyway. He could see her lips moving, but the words made no sense.
Pregnant.
She had said pregnant, right?
She didn’t look pregnant.
‘If you need a paternity test?—’
He raised his hand again. It was too much information to take in. He needed a minute to process.
Was he being punked?
Was this some cruel joke of his brother’s?
No. Levi wouldn’t do something like that. Jonah might have, but not Levi.
‘Elias? Please say something.’
His chest squeezed, and he realised he’d stopped breathing. Okay. That was the first thing he needed to do. He dragged in a breath and let it out slowly.
‘Are you okay?’
He hadn’t expected those to be the first words out of his mouth when he found out he was going to be a father. He had never even considered being a father. His family was such a train wreck that he would never willingly inflict that on a child.
She looked surprised. ‘What?’
‘Are you okay?’
It took her a minute, and then she slowly shook her head. ‘Not really.’
He took another breath. His head was beginning to clear as his brain rebooted. ‘Let’s go somewhere and talk.’
She nodded.
Elias hit the button to open the elevator doors and together they stepped out into the lobby. The building’s café had closed hours ago. As they stood on the street, he looked around.
‘We can go to my place,’ she said.
He looked at her for a long moment and nodded. A neutral place would probably be better, but he couldn’t think of somewhere quiet enough at this time of night to actually have this conversation.
Kate was already ordering an Uber. ‘It’ll be five minutes,’ she said.
He nodded again.
‘I know it’s a shock.’
‘For you too,’ he said.
She bit her lip, and he frowned.
‘What?’
She took a breath and let it out slowly. ‘Let’s just say there’s a story.’
‘A story?’
Was this like that eighties song where the woman couldn’t get pregnant by her husband so she slept with some random guy instead? What was the name of that song? It didn’t matter, not in light of the bombshell Kate had just dumped on him, but it was something to hold onto so he wouldn’t completely flip out.
‘I want to tell you everything, but not here, okay?’
‘Okay.’
They waited in silence for the Uber, and then it was an awkward and interminably quiet drive to her place. Elias didn’t even really take note of where they were or her address. He barely registered her house when they walked in.
‘Can I get you a drink?’
‘I think we both need clear heads for this conversation.’
‘Water?’
‘Stop stalling, Doc.’
The term of endearment slipped out unintentionally.
She blinked at him and then nodded. ‘Take a seat.’
He sat on the couch and watched her as she paced.
‘As you know, I took a month off work.’
‘What does that have to do with us?’
‘I took the month off to get my body prepared for artificial insemination.’
‘What?’
‘I want to have a baby. I don’t need a man in my life for that. I organised a sperm donor?—’
‘Dr Douchebag.’
‘Who?’
‘That guy you were at the café with.’
‘Oh, so you did see us.’
Elias rolled his lips together.
‘He’s not a doctor,’ she said after a minute. ‘He’s got a PhD but he’s not like, a medical doctor. He’s a tech… something. Anyway, it doesn’t matter because he wasn’t going to have anything to do with me or the baby after making his… deposit.’
Elias raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you sure about that?’
‘It was in our contract. He’d have no legal rights to the child, and he wouldn’t be financially responsible for me or the baby.’
It might have been in the contract, but Elias had seen the way the guy looked at Kate. He definitely wanted to be in her life, whether she knew it or not.
‘You were planning on having a baby on your own?’
‘Why? Are you going to tell me that I can’t do it without a man in my life?’
‘No, Doc, no. If anyone could raise a child while having a demanding career, and do it all beautifully, it would be you. You are one of the most amazing women I know. But everyone needs support. That’s what I meant. Do you have people around you?—’
‘I do. I have a support network, not that it’s any of your business?—’
‘Well, it kind of is, now.’
‘I don’t know if I’m going to keep it.’
Elias paused. It was her right to choose. It was her body.
‘Okay.’
She looked like she’d expected him to fight her on it. It took her a moment to recover before she spoke again.
‘If I decide to keep the baby, I want you to know that you don’t have to be involved. I was prepared for this. I was planning on having a child, so it’s not like this is going to turn my world upside down.’
‘What is it exactly that you want to hear from me?’ Elias asked.
‘Nothing. I just felt it was the ethical thing to do to inform you of your potential progeny.’
‘That’s it? You don’t want anything else from me?’
‘I don’t need anything else from you.’
That hurt. He didn’t want to admit it, but it did. He got that this was a difficult situation. He also understood that Kate had been planning on having a baby without the father’s input, but now that there was a father who was willing and able to participate?—
Wait.
Was he willing and able to be involved?
He was definitely able, but was he willing?
Did he want to be a father?
A week ago, he would have said absolutely not.
An hour ago, he would have said hell no.
But now… he wasn’t so sure. Faced with the fact that there was a life growing inside Kate that shared his DNA… he wasn’t as opposed to the idea as he thought he would be.
That could just be his caveman brain and some instinct to procreate for the survival of the species.
Or it could be that having a baby with Kate was a good thing. He would get to see her?—
Whoa. Back the truck up. He could not use this baby as an excuse to see Kate. If he wanted to be involved in this child’s life, then he needed to want it for the child, not for himself. He had lived with a family that had tried to use him for their own selfish purposes, and Elias would never put his own child through that. If he didn’t want to be a father for the benefit of the kid, then he shouldn’t be a father at all.
‘This is a lot,’ he said.
‘I know,’ Kate said, finally coming to sit on the couch beside him. ‘It kinda sent me for a loop, and I’m still coming to terms with it and looking at all the options.’
‘Thank you for telling me.’
She turned to look at him in surprise. ‘Really? You wouldn’t have rather I dealt with it on my own and not disrupted your life like this?’
He shook his head. ‘Why should you take all the responsibility for this? I know I can’t make the decision for you, but I can be a sounding board at least. I bet you’ve got a list of pros and cons.’
She smiled ruefully. ‘I haven’t written one down, but there is definitely one forming in my head.’
‘Make sure you put on the pros column that my DNA is far superior to Dr Douchebag’s.’
Kate snorted, and it relieved him to see some of the stress and tension leave her face. ‘He’s got a genius level IQ.’
‘And I’m good looking, I have a great body, a charming personality, and I’m an artist. See? Far superior.’
‘You want me to keep the baby?’ Her face sobered as she searched his eyes.
‘That is not my decision to make but… I do not have any objections to you keeping my baby.’
Had he really meant to say ‘my baby’?
She looked at him as if she was imagining him as a kid. He couldn’t help looking at her the same way. A little girl who looked like Kate would be adorable. She would have her daddy wrapped around her pinkie finger before she could even walk.
Shit.
He was now imagining himself as a daddy.
Why was his heart feeling like goo right now? He was not a baby person. They all looked the same to him and kind of creeped him out. They looked like old, wizened wizards who knew the secrets of the universe and were judging him. But Kate’s baby? His and Kate’s baby? That was different.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said, burying her face in her hands.
He raised his hand and hovered it over her back. Would it be okay if he tried to comfort her again? He slowly lowered his hand and rubbed gentle circles between her shoulder blades.
‘Is this all right?’ he asked in a whisper.
‘Yes,’ she replied, the sound muffled by her hands.
‘You don’t need to make the decision tonight,’ he said.
‘I know.’
‘But you want to.’ He grinned as she groaned. ‘You said you only found out today, yes?’
She nodded but didn’t lift her head.
‘Then you need to sleep on it. You need to let your head process the information.’
She raised her head and looked at him. ‘So do you.’
‘Is that you asking me to stay the night?’ He said it as a joke, but deep down…
She quirked her lips to the side. ‘Nice try. And no. I just think we both need to look at our options. And you probably want to consult a lawyer.’ After a pause she added, ‘Maybe not Alexis.’
He nodded in understanding. As much as he loved his unofficial sister-in-law-to-be, until Kate made the decision, it would be best not to tell her.
‘So we should both take some time to think and then maybe reconvene in, say, a week?’ She looked at him expectantly.
‘A week from tonight,’ he agreed.
‘I’ll text you—oh.’
‘Yeah. We haven’t exchanged numbers.’
‘We should probably do that.’
She grabbed her phone and handed it to him. Elias typed his number in and then pressed call. He answered his phone and then saved her number.
‘Please tell me you saved my number under ‘Baby Daddy’.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘I did not. Now go home. We’ll talk in a week.’