Chapter 52
Chapter Fifty-Two
Hadley
I ask Penelope to watch Tanner so I can go to Honor’s house since her grandma is falling in and out of consciousness. I stop on the way to pick up a care package of items, then I take the train first, then an Uber.
The moment Honor’s childhood home comes into view and the car stops on the side of the street, a rush of memories comes back.
Playing in her yard with all the neighbor kids when I’d sleep over during the summer.
I hated being home and loved being here. Not surprisingly, that hasn’t changed in the years since.
Honor was raised by her grandma, but during our senior year, her grandma was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that spiraled into other illnesses and diagnoses. Honor’s been her caregiver ever since.
I walk up the cracked concrete sidewalk and ring the doorbell, remembering how we’d ding-dong-ditch and how upset her grandma would get at us for interrupting her television time.
Honor opens the door. The first thing I notice is the bags under her eyes. Her hair is thrown into a messy ponytail, and she’s in shorts and a tank top.
“Hey,” I say, stepping through the screen door she’s opened for me.
“You didn’t need to bring anything.” She glances at the basket.
I set it on the floor and draw her into a hug. “Yes, I did. I’m so sorry.”
She hugs me, but not nearly as tightly as she usually does, which says she’s probably sick of hugging everyone who’s been stopping by to say their goodbyes to her grandma.
I would be.
“She’s sleeping. Do you want to go out on the screen porch?”
I pick up the basket. “Sure.”
“I can make us some sandwiches.”
I pull a bag from Hero’s Coffee Bar out of my bag. “No need, I brought food.”
Her shoulders fall, and she stares at me for a long moment.
That familiar guilt hits and rests in my heart that I haven’t kept up with her as much as I should have over the years. Sure, we’d text here and call there, but months would pass when we didn’t talk. She was here, and I was everywhere.
We walk through her house, which hasn’t changed much since our senior year. Although there’s a new couch and recliner, it’s still the same wallpaper and wooden trim on the walls.
We pass her grandma’s room, and Honor stops. I can see she’s sleeping. There’s a nurse in the room with her, and she glances up from her book, smiling at us.
“I’ll just be…” Honor whispers and points in the direction we’re headed.
The nurse nods, and I smile at her.
I follow Honor to the screened-in porch I always loved. I’d love that we could be out here where no bugs could get us as the weather warmed in Chicago.
She shuts the glass door, giving us total privacy, and I place the bag of bagel sandwiches on the table between the chairs.
“How are you?” I touch her leg.
She nods, digging into the bag. “Surprisingly, I’m okay. I mean, it’s so final, but…” She glances toward her grandma’s room that has a window in the back of the house. “I think she’s tired, and I am too. As shitty as that is to say.”
“No, it’s not. It’s been a long road.”
She hands me my usual sandwich and takes out hers. “Hold on, I’ll get some water.” She goes over to a small fridge in the corner and returns with two waters. “I’ve spent a lot of time out here lately. It’s peaceful.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s actually a little more manageable right now if you can believe it. It’s just a waiting game. She’s sleeping most of the time.”
She’s so matter-of-fact, and although I see her fatigue and tiredness physically, she seems to be handling it well.
“It’s nice when the nurse is here. I don’t have to do as much, but then I feel guilty.
It’s just a roller coaster of emotions on the daily.
But my grandma doesn’t seem to be in pain or anxious anymore, so that’s a blessing.
She told me at the hospital that she was done, that it was time for her to move on. I’ve had to make peace with that.”
I don’t open my sandwich, leaving it unopened on my lap and placing one leg under the other. “Remember how she used to sit out here and smoke cigarettes, watching us on the swing set?”
“And then you went home smelling of smoke, and your mom called my grandma, saying she was endangering your lungs.”
I roll my eyes. Leave it to my mom. “I think she just knew I was having more fun over here.”
She lets out a sad sort of laugh. “Yeah, you always wanted to come here. I never got to enjoy that mansion much or see Whit swim.”
“First of all, it’s not a mansion, and your crush on Whit was out of control.”
“Everyone had a crush on Whit.” Honor puts her hand over her heart. “When he married Brea, hearts were breaking all over this town.”
I shake my head. “He’s a typical middle-aged man now.”
“Well, I’d still take it. It’s lonely over here, Had.” She glances at her grandma’s window.
“Let’s fix that. Practically the entire Colts team is single.”
“Um… not all of them. You’re married to one. Speaking of, can I just live vicariously through you today?”
There’s a lot I want to gush to Honor about because maybe she can help me get my head on straight. But I’m not going to come here and make it about me.
“There isn’t much to say.”
She tilts her head. “Come on, fill me in while I stuff my face with this glorious sandwich you brought me.”
I cross my legs on the chair and take a sip of the water. “Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Let’s see, the pictures at the game when he’s staring at you. The picture of when you were in the Uber accident and he’s at the ambulance with you. Someone said he almost got run over getting to you.”
My head rocks back. “Seriously? That’s crazy. I told him not to even come.”
She throws a piece of tomato at me.
I manage to dodge it. “Hey.”
“He loves you… you can see it on his face in every picture. Oh, they got this one of you and Tanner at a park, and Easton is looking at you. Not his kid, at you holding his kid.”
I feel my face heat as she continues to eat her sandwich.
“Jeez, are you stalking us?” I laugh.
She narrows her eyes at me. “I don’t have much else to do. Plus, I think it’s more like holy shit, my best friend is married to a Colts player and raising his baby.”
When she says it like that, it is crazy. Sure, I know Easton is a Colt, and obviously I’m a nanny for him, but if sixteen-year-old me would’ve known this, she would’ve squealed. But he’s just Easton to me. Not Easton Bailey, the Chicago Colts shortstop.
“Have you told him that you love him?” She points at my face.
I haven’t told anyone. Although I love all the girls in Easton’s friend group, I haven’t really divulged my feelings to them because I’m scared that if it doesn’t turn out the way I want, then I’ll look like an idiot. But Honor would be there to console me if it went bad.
“I haven’t.” I cover my face with my hands. “How stupid am I? I mean, you know… I used to have a friends-with-benefits relationship, and now I’m in love with him. Neither of us has ever had a serious relationship. And then Tanner called me mama yesterday.” I groan.
I peek through my fingers and her eyebrows are raised, but there’s a smile on her lips, so I drop my hands from my face.
“What’s going on with the mom search?” she asks.
“Easton called it off. Said if she doesn’t want to be found, then why is he trying, but what if… what if she just shows up one day and wants custody of him? I mean… can he be mine and hers?”
Honor reaches over to touch my thigh but spills her bottle of water. “Oh shit, hold on… hold that thought.”
She rushes inside, but I see the nurse come out to talk to her in the doorway.
I dig in the bag for napkins, trying to get the water soaked up, but I don’t have much else.
Honor’s shoulders fall and the nurse touches her arm, continuing to talk to her.
I forget about the water, the bagel, and everything we were talking about. I go through the glass door, and I hug Honor from behind.
She turns in my arms. “She said it will be soon.” She pulls back. “I have to call her friends. They made a pact to be here when it was close.”
“I’ll stay.” I’m not sure if Penelope can watch Tanner for that long, but I’ll figure something out.
“No.” Honor shakes her head. “You have the baby to get back to.”
“Honor, I want to.”
But she’s already shaking her head, pulling out her phone. Her thumbs move across the screen, and she holds it up for me to see.
“Crazy, right? All of her friends in one group chat. It gets a little insane sometimes because technology isn’t always their friend, but they’ll all be here shortly.” She goes into the screened-in room. “I got all this. Seriously, Hadley, I’ll call you when it’s all over.”
She balls it all up, even my bagel that’s half soaked with water, and walks back into the kitchen. “Believe me, you don’t want to be here when they get here.”
She heads to the front door and opens it for me.
“Okay, well…” I give her a hug, and she holds me tightly, her back racking with a few tears. “I’m sorry, Honor. Call me if you need anything.”
She straightens and wipes her eyes. “Thank you for coming. I’ll call you.”
I don’t want to leave, but she pushes open the screen door and waits for me to walk down the steps.
“Bye, Hadley. Love you.” And the door shuts.
Okay, what the hell just happened?