Chapter 85
I had to examine my behaviour towards Milo.
I had managed to convince myself I hated him for so long because I believed he had hurt Ruby.
I’d spent so many years thinking badly of him.
Now, I texted him constantly, each one an apology.
I told him how I understood his anger; it was justified. He did not reply.
I had moved out of the home I’d shared with Vince and camped out in Saima’s spare room for a few weeks. She understood, and she held back from saying she’d suspected all along, though she probably did, particularly in recent years.
I wrote a story just for Milo, about a parallel universe in which Ruby did not exist. Nobody existed except us.
There wasn’t much of a plot. Two teenagers fall in love and get married and have perfect children and then they grow old together, have beautiful grandchildren and die happily in each other’s arms in their nineties.
I wanted to show Milo that we could still have many good years together, health permitting.
I printed it up and hand-delivered it to the diner, hoping to catch sight of Milo, but he wasn’t there that day.
‘How would we do it, Erin? I mean, where would we start? It’s not that easy.’
‘Milo, if I were you, I’d probably never forgive me, but I’m begging you, please? A day at a time? What if today we start with a trip out to Salisbury Beach? Go see the Festival of Trees, maybe ice skate like we used to?’
‘I don’t know if I’m ready. I’m more tired than I’ve ever been in my life. I just want to sleep and be left alone.’
‘Okay, but I’m here for you. I’ll go now.’ I reached the door and was about to open it when he spoke.
‘Why, Eri? Why did you ever believe I could do something like that? And you were so cold to me, even after we connected through Nick.’
I started to cry then, the floodgates opening.
‘There aren’t enough ways to tell you how sorry I am, Milo, but I want you in my life.
I’ll show you. It’s all I can do.’ I craved his arms around me.
I wanted to put my head under his neck and to feel his heart beating next to mine, but he didn’t make any move to comfort me.
The next day I turned up again with a small Christmas tree, and while I was not welcomed with open arms, I got a smile from Milo.
The day after, I brought him a hot chocolate with marshmallows and sprinkles from the place down the street.
The next day was Sunday and I had prepared a hamper of books that I thought he’d enjoy.
I noticed a difference that day. The place was tidy, the windows were open and Milo was clean-shaven.
He asked if we could take that trip to Salisbury Beach.
I do not deserve him. It is early days in our relationship.
But today, March 12th, we discovered I’m pregnant.
I’m forty-five years old. The doctor told me the baby is in good shape so far but that I will have to be careful.
Milo almost carried me out of her office.
I am lying on the couch in my new apartment in South Boston, propped up by pillows, while Milo is preparing dinner.
I have a ring in a box under one of the pillows. I hope he says yes.