Chapter 43
JACK
I take a beat before knocking on Charl’s door and stepping in. I need to tell Maggie how I feel.
‘Hey,’ I say. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, her phone in her hands, curls falling forwards.
‘Hi. Sorry, I… it was a bit much. I needed some space.’
I sit down beside her, and try to think of the best way to tell her how I feel without scaring her away. ‘We should have left before it got this hectic. You’ve nothing to be sorry for. Charl shouldn’t have…’
‘What, Jack?’ She meets my eyes, the green paler, more emerald than jade. ‘Shouldn’t have thrown a party to celebrate her brother’s engagement? Of course she should.’ There is a burst of laughter from the bottom of the stairs.
Her eyes go towards the door, where the laughter is dying away, more conversations filtering through.
‘Maggie, I—’
‘I don’t fit in here, Jack… in this house, with your family.’ She looks up at me. ‘With you.’
Panic swells inside my chest. I’m trying to find the right words. But then I realise I don’t have to. I can show her.
‘May I?’ She looks down at my open hand, hesitates then folds her hand in mine.
I love you.
We both register my thoughts at the same time. I can see it flash across her face.
My voice is trembling when the words come. ‘I’m in love with you, Maggie. And I don’t know what that means for us and our future together but I do know that you’re everything I need.’
‘I love you too…’
I should be filled with joy at those words, but her words are in opposition to the way she is shaking her head, the tears in her eyes. ‘But I’m taking you away from what you need.’
Without warning, without me having the chance to move my hand away, Mum’s words ring in my ears: might you be rushing into a relationship that takes you away rather than immerses you?
I try to rein my thoughts in, try to push away all the doubt, the worries I’ve had about how we can have a relationship, but they come crashing through my mind, uncontrolled. Unfiltered.
I start to count, to regain control. One, two…
Three seconds.
And I’m there again, the man back in the hospital bed, clutching onto the rails for life support as she pulls herself and her hand away.
And I know I’ve already lost her.
Something like panic pulls at the pit of my stomach.
It takes me a moment to centre.
‘We belong together, Maggie.’
‘Not if it means giving up on the life you want.’
‘Look.’ I scrape my hand through my hair, trying to regulate my thoughts. ‘I know that this is hard for you and I’m scared too… It’s natural for us both to have doubts about how this will work—’
‘I know.’
‘Then you know that I want to work through all of this. We can take things slower; I’ll make sure’ – I gesture to our surroundings – ‘this never happens again.’
‘You can’t do that. I won’t take you away from a family that loves you, that you love and belong to… You’re scared, Jack.’
‘Isn’t everyone a little scared when they start to fall in love?’
‘No, Jack. I mean…’
She lifts her chin, a sad smile in place. ‘You’re scared that they’re right.’
I’m speechless. She’s wrong. I try to replay everything I was feeling as I told her I loved her.
‘That’s… No. Let me…’ I hold out my hand. ‘I’ll show you.’
She wraps her arms around herself. ‘You already did.’
While her voice is soft, her words are final. Like the closing lines of a novel.
‘Let’s take a minute. Let me explain?’
But she shakes her head, straightens, and I can feel her pulling away from me. From us.
‘I need to tell you something, Jack. But before I do, I want you to know that my time with you has been the happiest of my life. I…’ Her voice is shaking.
It’s the same expression, the same tone, as the night she walked away.
I’m not going to make the same mistake as I did last time. This time, I’m not going to let her go.
‘I know this has been hard for you, so tell me; tell me how I can make it easier? We can be together; we just need to work out how.’
‘You never said Fleetwood Road,’ she begins. I’m disorientated, confused at the change of direction this conversation is taking. ‘That’s the way I go home. It avoids all the main streets.’
‘Fleetwood Road? I…’
There is an echo of a memory, but whenever I tried to recall that night, all I remembered was being outside the pub. I was so certain that’s where it all happened.
‘Why does that matter?’
She looks at me then down to the phone in her hands.
‘It was me, Jack.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The woman? The night you had the stroke?’
‘What?’ I shake my head. ‘She had red hair; it was long… It wasn’t you; it was—’
‘It wasn’t red hair… it was a red scarf.’ She turns the phone over. I reach for it, and scan the screen.
Images of that night career into my thoughts as I look at the photo. The woman, the red hair all change form.
She holds out her hand, palm up. ‘Let me give you the answers you need.’
I shake my head, trying to reorganise the images of that night. She opens her palm, tears in her eyes. I take a breath, and place my free hand in hers and close my eyes.
I see Maggie, red scarf caught on the breeze crossing the road.
A man, no longer a shadow, but tall, broad, watching her go.
He pulls up his hood. I know in my gut that something is off.
That the woman, Maggie, is in danger. I quicken my steps.
She’s up ahead; he’s gaining on her. ‘Excuse me?’ I call out.
He turns briefly then continues as Maggie talks on her phone and disappears from the main street down an alleyway.
He continues to follow. I approach him; my hand clamps on his shoulder.
He turns, and pushes me hard against the wall.
There is a crack. My brain feels like it’s splitting in two. Then nothing.
Maggie pulls her hand away, her face creased in pain as though she’s been hit too.
‘It’s my fault, Jack.’
She wipes away a tear. ‘My fault you can’t read. If I hadn’t heard Luke’s thoughts, if I’d been more aware, if I’d walked home a different way, if I hadn’t called Tess… It was stupid of me to—’
‘Did he catch up to you?’ I lean forwards. ‘The man,’ I say more urgently, eyes scanning her face. ‘Did he hurt you?’
‘I…’
‘Maggie? Did he hurt you?’ I ask, my voice louder.
She shakes her head, cat’s eyes widening at my reaction. ‘No.’
The feeling of relief floods through me. But it’s not just relief. Ever since the stroke I have been angry. Angry with the world, with the doctors, with myself, because I never knew why I lost everything, but now, it means it meant something. ‘You’re sure, he didn’t—’
‘No.’ She stiffens. ‘I didn’t even look behind me. I didn’t know any of that had happened.’
My shoulders drop as I exhale. ‘Thank God.’ I have the mad urge to laugh.
It wasn’t all for nothing. I saved her. I saved Maggie.
It all meant something. My life didn’t fall apart for no reason, because she is safe.
And it feels like fate. If ever there was a sign that we belong together then this is it.
‘Are you listening to what I’m saying, Jack? It was my fault. I ruined your life and that was before you even knew me.’
‘I knew in my gut that something was off,’ I rush on, almost euphoric, high on knowledge. ‘He pulled his hood up and crossed the street. It’s not your fault. It’s his fault.’ I frown. ‘All of this time, I worried that it was all for nothing. That it meant nothing.’
‘He never touched me.’ She shifts towards me tentatively, eyes glistening. ‘You saved me, Jack. It means everything.’ I realise I’m shaking. My eyes are still scanning her face, making sure she is unharmed. I think back to the first time we met, that feeling of familiarity.
I shake my head again, trying to banish all the dark thoughts since the accident, the feeling of worthlessness that had hounded me for so long. Then I think back to the first time I saw her, when the power came back on. ‘I thought that I knew you. When we first met. Maybe I did know it was you?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Do you see what this means? We were always meant to be together. It’s more than a coincidence I was there that night, that we got locked in the cinema together. If ever there was a sign that we belong together then this is it.’
She looks up, her voice soft, her eyes searching. ‘Hellie used to say that sometimes you meet the right person at the right time.’
‘Exactly!’
‘And I believe that, Jack, really I do. And I think I met you at the time when you needed me most, and I’m so glad that I was that person, that I was the side character who helped you find your way. But loving me will cost you too much. And I won’t let you give up the life you deserve.’
I feel like I’m free falling. ‘Maggie, I…’
‘Take me home, Jack.’