8
After a long night with very little sleep followed by the frustrating news that the elevator in my office block was undergoing maintenance, the last thing my aching body desired was an intense session with my personal trainer. But I wasn’t one to break my routine. No matter how shitty I felt.“Vixen, I’m sensing you forgot to bring your A game today,” Toby teased as I sloped into the gym yawning.“I could take you down in my sleep, Tobias,” I tossed back with a narrow-eyed glare. It was pretty weak fighting talk in all honesty, but it would have to do. I couldn’t let on that he wasn’t at all wrong. And that right now I could only take him down because I’m happy to play dirty.His contagious laugh boomed around the room, and I couldn’t contain the giggle that escaped me. Toby had been my trainer for coming up to a year now, and he was the best I’d ever had.He pushed me to my very limit, challenged me, and taught me so much. It also wasn’t a bad thing that he was quite nice to look at; all long hair, intricate tattoos, and stacks upon stacks of muscle. Rugged, and manly, but with a smile that could light up the darkest room.Maybe routine wasn’t the only reason that I never missed a session.I flopped onto a large, padded mat, and stretched lazily. “So, we’re doing some nice, calming yoga today, right?” I grinned up at him as he towered over me. His bare arms already glistening with sweat. Whatever he had been doing before I arrived wouldn’t have worn him out though. Nothing ever seemed to. Toby had endless energy.“Afraid not, little one.” He sat down in front of me, tossing a roll of fabric at me, and then began to wrap his hands with another roll that he pulled from his shorts pocket. “But don’t hate on yoga, it’s good for the mind.” He finished wrapping his hands and raised his brows at me as I reached for my toes, again. “You’ve already done that, little Vixen. Stop delaying.”I huffed loudly and picked up the crimson roll of fabric from the floor. “I’m not delaying shit, and I’m not that little,” I mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear me.“You are,” he grinned as he rose to his feet and hoisted himself into the training ring next to us. “Teeny, tiny feisty thing.”On Tuesdays, we usually did one on one combat. The rest of our sessions throughout the week would mostly just involve Toby shouting words of encouragement at me, and guiding me as I swore profusely at him, sweating over various pieces of equipment. Our workouts were probably my second favourite release.I joined him in the ring and attempted to pull some fight into my tired body. We came together, falling into a simple back-and-forth of skilled attacks and blocks. After around fifteen minutes, Toby stepped away with a disappointed look on his face.“You’re tense as hell,” he declared, cocking his head. “And you’re holding back. Why?” His brows pinched with a small frown. “And don’t tell me it’s just because you’re tired.”“I’m not tense,” I snapped.“Sure you’re not.” He rolled his eyes at me, pursing his lips to fight a smile. “Whatever it is that you have pushed deep down, let it come back up. Work out your emotions. Remember, Vixen, you can either do this physically or verbally. Your choice.”My jaw tightened at his words. He was right. Last night I had pushed my anger down. Buried the majority of it. I had let Lorenzo take some away, but it wasn’t enough. Part of it had lingered, weighing heavy on my mind.Some arsehole had taken my fucking shot, again. My boss had tiptoed around it like it was a common fucking occurrence. He had been so vague and dismissive, again. My life and my reputation were being threatened, and all he had said was that he would protect me. I didn’t need that. I could protect myself.What I needed was answers.As the memories of what had happened rushed to the front of my mind, I felt my fists clench and release over and over.“I’m going to destroy you,” I breathed as my eyes connected with Toby’s.“Finally.” He grinned and stepped forward, bracing himself for my attack.I flew at him, catapulted by my emotions, and threw my fist into his rib. I swung perfectly planned punches into his solid body, feeling rapid release with each strike. He gave as good as he got; we decided a long time ago to never pull punches. I could take it just as well as he could. He moved back a fraction, far enough for me to lunge and slam into him with my shoulder, knocking him to the mat and diving on top of him, my hands entwining with his and pinning him down.I felt his body relax beneath me, and I loosened my grip on his hands.“There she is,” he purred, and I blew out a long breath as I threw myself off of him, landing on my back beside him as we both panted and grinned at the fluorescent lights above us.“Thank you. Fuck, that felt so good,” I said with a pleased groan.Toby jumped up, flicking his long hair back like a mermaid after breaking through the ocean surface, then looked up at the clock on the wall. “Five minutes, and then we go again.”
I dried off after my shower and threw on a baggy tee and some denim shorts. It was a warm evening, and I decided to let my hair hang lose and leave it to dry naturally.I made my way out of the changing room and to the main doors of the gym. Toby was casually leaning against the empty reception desk.
When I approached him he smiled, a wide, dazzling grin that could soak a nun’s knickers. “You never fail to impress me, Vixen.”“I am pretty impressive, aren’t I,” I boasted, tossing my hair over my shoulder and flicking little droplets of water onto Toby’s bare, tatooed arm.He looked down and wiped the dampness away, still smiling. “I like it when you’re cocky.”He caught my gaze, his sparkling blue eyes momentarily mesmerizing me, then he looked away quickly, an air of vulnerability washing over him. He swallowed hard and then visibly shook himself. “Do you want to go for a drink with me?” he blurted.The sheepish look on his face melted me, my cheeks ached from how wide I smiled. This beast of a man, this beast who had not fifteen minutes ago had his legs wrapped around my waist as he talked shit to me, was nervous.
I made him nervous.My response sat on the tip of my tongue. How could I say no to him? He was funny, charming, and hot as hell. But… but I would come with so much baggage. It was one thing to be having causal sex with my boss, it was something entirely different to actually go on a date with a guy.I don’t date.“Toby, I…” I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, searching for the gentlest words.“Yeah, that was a dumb idea, forget I asked,” he said before I could form a complete sentence in my head, let alone out loud.I reached out to him, my hand resting on his arm, completely unsure what I was doing. “No, no, I have… stuff, it’s not a no, just…” I sighed heavily. “Fuck, I don’t know how to put it.” I offered him a small smile and he returned it.“Let’s not make this weird, little one. Forget about it and I’ll see you on Thursday. Get home safe.” He patted my hand and turned, walking back towards the doors, heading back into the gym.I lingered by the reception desk for a moment, wondering if I should have just said yes. If I should call after him and tell him that I wouldn’t forget about it.
I wanted to say yes, despite how I felt about relationships. I reckoned I’d have the time of my life with him. But there was one huge thing standing in my way. He was not part of my world. He had no idea what I really did. To him, I was just an accountant who likes to keep fit, and wants to be able to defend herself in the big, scary city.
He had no idea about the danger that followed me.He probably wouldn’t even want to know me if he did.I nodded to myself like an idiot, and pushed through the door to leave. I got straight into my car, and speed home. Pushing the tiny twinge of regret deep down until it was buried away. Just like I always did with every stupid, weak emotion. It was better that way.