Chapter 27 Alar
ALAR
"The body may falter, but it is the mind that decides when to quit."
—Commander Darius Hawke, Elite Forces' Vedona Academy
Ifought to keep my breathing steady as we continued our upward trek, but the thin air made every step a struggle.
My legs felt like lead, and despite the cold mountain air, sweat trickled down my back.
The herbs Lysara had given me helped, but the effects were beginning to wear off, and I considered taking another dose.
Beside me, Codric was starting to show signs of fatigue as well. His stride had become more labored, and he'd stopped making jokes about an hour ago. Nevertheless, he wasn't in as bad a shape as I was.
"Water break!" Lysara's voice carried down the line. "We are stopping to refill canteens."
Shovia turned to look at Codric over her shoulder. "There's a stream ahead. Can you smell it?"
I couldn't smell anything, but Codric nodded and forced a smile.
Kailin sighed. "It's about time. My canteens are nearly empty."
Mine were both medicated, and I wasn't sure what to do about that. Should I discard what remained of Kailin's grandmother's tea and refill it with water? The herbs Lysara had given me were more effective, but the taste was awful, so I used the tea to mask it.
"I'm so drakking hungry," Codric murmured when it was finally our turn at the stream.
I chuckled. "I see that you have adopted Elucian expletives."
It wasn't as if there was a shortage of Elurian cuss words.
He shrugged. "Seems drakking fitting."
Lysara walked up to us, holding out a canteen. "I got you another one so you don't get dehydrated. Keep it just for water."
That was a surprisingly nice gesture. "Thank you."
Perhaps I'd been too quick to suspect her of sabotage.
She nodded curtly. "Keep it separate from the medicated ones so you know which is which." She turned on her heel and walked over to another group.
I crouched down as close to the bank as I could without wetting my boots and leaned over to fill the new canteen she'd given me.
Codric did the same next to me. "I'm so hungry that I'm already starting to hallucinate. How are you holding up?"
"I'm fine," I answered automatically.
The word fine could have many shades of meaning, so technically, I wasn't lying.
"Sure you are." He finished filling both of his canteens, got up, and walked over to Lysara. "Any chance I could get some of the miracle brew you gave my cousin?"
She shook her head. "I have limited supply, and I need to save it for the more severe cases." She pulled out one of the leaves she'd given me earlier. "You can try this."
Codric eyed the leaf with distaste. "I'd rather have what he got."
"Here." I offered him my medicated canteen. "We can share."
"No." He pushed it back toward me. "Keep it. You need it more than I do. I'll manage without."
His stubborn pride would be the death of him one day, but I admired him for it. Despite his easygoing nature, Codric had steel in his spine when it mattered.
As we prepared to move out again, my gaze was drawn to Kailin. She looked tired, more so than the other Elucians, and I wondered if it had anything to do with what I had noticed on the trek.
When the path had narrowed to barely two people across and the drop-off had become a sheer cliff that disappeared into the mist, she pressed herself so close to the mountain face that sometimes her pack had scraped the rough stone, and while other pilgrims had occasionally peered over the edge or gestured at the view, her eyes had remained rigidly fixed on the backs of those walking ahead of her.
I'd seen her visibly tense whenever someone shuffled too close to the edge. At first, I'd thought that she was being cautious, but I was starting to realize that it was more than that.
Kailin was afraid of heights, and now her reluctance to become a dragon rider made perfect sense.
Did her friends know?
Was it enough to disqualify her from the Dragon Force?
It should, in the same way that my reaction to the altitude should disqualify me. Unlike Kailin, though, I hadn't been smart enough to hide my affliction. I was a fool. I should have come prepared with all the appropriate medications and never let the Elucians know that I wasn't doing well.
I'd have to remedy the situation in some way or I could kiss the Dragon Force goodbye.
"Everyone ready?" Lysara called. She cast a quick glance at the stream, verifying that no one was still refilling their canteens. Satisfied with her scan, she waved a hand. "Let's move out, people."
As we fell back into line, my gaze was drawn to Kailin again. She was talking to a petite girl who was dwarfed by her backpack, and when she laughed at something the girl had said, her entire face lit up.
Something warm unfurled in my chest.
It felt good to hold it there for a few minutes and indulge in fantasies about soulful conversations and stolen kisses. But I couldn't allow those feelings to take root and flourish, no matter how beautiful and sweet I found Kailin.
We were not meant to be, and there was not one scenario where it could work. Elurion knew that I'd spent enough time thinking about it and trying to find a solution.
If I made it to the Dragon Force and she didn't, I could only see her occasionally when I was on leave, but I would have more important things to do than court a girl.
If we both made it, which was the least likely scenario, I would need to be focused on achieving my objectives, and I couldn't allow myself the distraction.
If Kailin was admitted to the Force and I wasn't, I would have to return to Eluria, and the same would be true if neither of us were found gifted. Kailin would be assigned to a post in another branch of the Elucian Forces, and I would have to return to Eluria because I wouldn't be allowed to stay.
The next few hours passed in a blur of putting one foot in front of the other, trying to ignore the growing hunger pangs and the way the world occasionally swam at the edges of my vision.
When Lysara finally called a halt for the night, I was ready to collapse where I stood.
"Lay out your sleeping bags where you are," she instructed.
It seemed like I was getting my wish, but I couldn't believe that we were expected to spend the night on the narrow trail. I glanced at Kailin, who had her back pressed against the stone wall and her eyes trained on Lysara.
"What about fires?" I asked, making my way to stand next to Kailin. "Can we light small ones to keep predators at bay?"
Lysara shook her head. "No fires until we reach a secure location."
I wondered where a location like that could be found on this mountain and concluded that it was probably on the summit. Until we arrived, we would spend the nights in the freezing cold.
When Lysara continued up the trail to continue her instructions to the rest of our group, I turned to Kailin. "You and Shovia should put down your sleeping bags next to the rock face. Codric and I will sleep next to you and block some of the cold wind."
My suggestion sounded chivalrous, and it hadn't betrayed what I suspected about Kailin's fear of heights.
"I won't argue with you about that," Shovia said. "We should all put on our coveralls." She laid her pack on the ground and untied the straps holding her sleeping bag and winter coveralls. "It's going to snow tonight."
I glanced at the sky, where the auroras danced among the gathering clouds, but they looked exactly the same as they had so far, and I had no idea what Shovia was basing her conviction on that it would snow.
Still, I wasn't about to ignore a local's advice, especially when I saw many of the other Elucians doing the same.
When Kailin laid down her sleeping bag next to the wall as I had suggested, I laid mine next to hers, and we both donned our coveralls. Getting inside with them on was a cumbersome and awkward process, but eventually we managed to settle in.
Sleep, however, proved elusive. My stomach churned with hunger, and every time I started to drift off, another pang would jolt me awake.
How was I going to survive two more days of this?
At my feet, I heard Codric's familiar snores.
At least one of us was getting some rest. I tried to focus on the auroras above, their shifting colors painting the mountainside in gentle light.
Back home in Vedona, the city lights dimmed their magnificence, but up here they seemed close enough to touch.
"Are you awake?" Kailin asked quietly.
I couldn't even turn to face her. "Can't fall asleep. What about you?"
"Same." She sighed. "Do you miss home?"
So, that's what was bothering her. She probably missed her family and her little dog.
"A little, but I like it here," I said. "It's quiet. I know that the peacefulness is misleading, but I still prefer it to the constant hum of Vedona."
"What's it like to live in a big city?" she asked.
"The auroras are barely visible because of the city lights. It's warmer, less windy, noisier, and the people are friendlier."
She chuckled. "Elucians are friendly too, we are just rougher around the edges, and we don't offer our friendship to just anyone. You have to earn it."
"Did I earn yours?"
I wanted more than friendship from her, but since I couldn't have it, shouldn't have it, I would settle for that.
There was a moment of silence. "Of course, you did. How can you even ask that?"
Oh, right. I'd played the hero when I helped her and Shovia leave the square after the explosions.
She huffed out a breath. "You drank tea at my grandmother's table, for Elu's sake. Do you think she would invite just anyone into her private space? My family embraced you, Alar."
I swallowed. "Thank you," I said, not sure it was the right answer. "It means a lot to me. I just didn't know that getting invited to your grandmother's back room was such a big deal."
There was another long moment of silence. "I guess the differences between Elurians and Elucians run deeper than I thought."
If I were an ordinary Elurian, I might have known that getting invited into someone's private space was meaningful, but since my family routinely hosted people who were not our friends, I assumed that was the norm.
"Things were different in my household," I finally admitted, even though I shouldn't have.
"Can you two be quiet?" Codric grumbled. "I'm trying to sleep."
Despite the snoring, he'd probably listened to the entire conversation and had realized that I was about to reveal too much.
"Sorry," Kailin said. "Good night."
I lay awake, thinking about my brothers and what they were up to while trying to ignore the hunger pangs.
I must have dozed off eventually because the next thing I knew, something cold was landing on my face.
Opening my eyes, I saw snowflakes drifting down through the aurora-lit sky.
I pulled the hood of the sleeping bag over my head and was surprised how warm I was inside my cocoon, but worry about tomorrow's trek gnawed at me.
The snow would make the trail even more treacherous.
I thought of my ambitious plan and all the things that rode on its success. I couldn't fail, and I couldn't give up, but as another wave of dizziness washed over me, even lying down, I was starting to think that my determination alone would not be enough to see me through this.
There was no shame in admitting defeat as long as I gave it my all, but it would be beyond disappointing to realize that the voice in my head that had been spurring me forward and promising me a dragon bond had been wrong.