Chapter 28 Kailin
KAILIN
The snow fell silently through the night.
I lay awake in my sleeping bag, acutely aware of Alar's steady breathing beside me, his presence both comforting and unsettling.
When I finally fell asleep, I expected to dream of him, but instead, I dreamt of massive wings and dark, mesmerizing eyes with golden flakes swimming in their irises.
Ipaused writing to collect my thoughts. Why was I still dreaming about that rider? I had seen him once, and the encounter had lasted mere seconds, but evidently, it had left a mark on my soul. Shaking my head, I sharpened my pencil using my pocketknife and continued my journal entry.
The mountain air grows thinner as we climb higher, and today, our true battles begin—Alar's against the altitude that makes each breath a struggle, and mine against the fear of narrow paths that fall away into nothingness.
The other pilgrims stride confidently along the trail's edge, as if the lethal drop means nothing to them, while I press myself against the mountain face, avoiding even an accidental glimpse of the void beside us.
—From the journal of Kailin Strom
By mid-morning, I noticed that there was something wrong with the auroras.
They wavered and danced overhead as usual, but instead of their usual flowing ribbons, they were forming odd shapes.
A sheep with a newborn lamb, a face that looked a lot like our shaman's, with a winking eye.
Dragons that looked like worms with wings that twisted in impossible angles.
I blinked hard, trying to clear my vision, but the hallucinations persisted.
"You're seeing them too, right?" Shovia whispered beside me. "The shapes?"
I nodded, keeping my eyes firmly on the path ahead.
The morning's trek was challenging enough without adding visual distortions to the mix.
The trail was slippery after last night's snowfall had turned into sludge this morning, and the path had narrowed considerably, forcing us to walk single file with a sheer drop to our right that I refused to look at or even think about.
"It's the altitude," I managed, proud that my voice didn't shake. "The thin air plays tricks with our minds."
A stumble from behind made me turn, my heart leaping into my throat as I saw Alar sway dangerously close to the edge. Without thinking, I reached back and grabbed his arm, pulling him toward the mountain face.
"Be careful. Keep a hand on the rock."
"Thanks," he mumbled, his usually sharp blue eyes glazed. "The ground keeps moving."
I frowned at his pale face and the beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead despite the cold. "When did you last drink from the medicated canteen?"
"I'm trying to make it last."
"Lysara has more of that stuff." I kept my grip on his arm, noticing how he leaned into the support, and pushed him to lean against the rock. "Drink some now."
Those walking behind him grumbled as everyone was forced to stop and wait, but I didn't care.
Alar fumbled with the canteen, and I had to help him steady it so none of it spilled. The medication Lysara had given him was some powerful stuff, but it couldn't completely counteract the effects of the altitude.
Ahead, Codric and Shovia were widening the gap between us, with Codric walking behind her and keeping his hand on her backpack.
I made sure that Alar tightened the cap on his canteen before we continued, and when the path widened enough for us to walk side by side, I hugged the wall while he did me a huge favor by blocking the view of the drop on the other side.
"They seem to be getting along well," Alar murmured.
Last night, I kind of expected Codric and Shovia to combine their sleeping bags and snuggle together, but evidently even my irreverent friend wouldn't disrespect the pilgrimage that way. If we were forbidden food, we were certainly forbidden other pleasures as well.
"I hope they both know to keep it from getting serious. You and Codric are leaving after the pilgrimage." The words came out before I could stop them, and I regretted them as soon as I spoke them.
Alar stiffened beside me. "Yes," he said after a moment. "We most likely are."
As a gust of wind whipped around us, I instinctively pressed closer to the mountain face, my fingers scraping against the rough stone. I refused to look at the drop beside us, but I could just imagine how gigantic it was by now.
Alar's gloved hand found mine, and he gave it a gentle squeeze. "Don't think about it. Just focus on putting one leg in front of the other."
I tensed. Had he noticed how terrified I was to even look at the drop?
"I'm fine." I turned my head carefully so I was looking at his profile and nothing else.
"Hallucinations are part of the experience, but as long as I keep one hand on the wall, I feel safe enough about not walking off the cliff.
" Not a lie. Not the entire truth either, but it was good enough.
I tightened my fingers around his. "And as long as you hold on to me, you won't do that either. "
"Thank you." He squeezed my hand back. "I don't mind being tethered to you, but I don't want to pull you down with me, and since I feel like the whole mountain keeps spinning, that's not a far-fetched scenario."
We were quite a pair, an Elucian who feared heights and an Elurian who couldn't tolerate them for a different reason. For either of us to become dragon riders would require a miracle.
My only objective was to complete the pilgrimage, and I hoped Alar would make it to the summit as well, but even though he must have already realized that his dream of becoming a dragon rider wasn't going to happen, he would be devastated nonetheless.
"Just keep your eyes on Codric's back," I said.
"Move along, pilgrims!" Lysara's voice carried from somewhere ahead. "This is not a weekend stroll. We need to reach the next shelter before the weather turns!"
I looked up at the sky, where the auroras were now forming proper dragon shapes that swooped and dove between the clouds. One seemed to breathe streams of multicolored fire that twisted into impossible patterns.
They looked almost real.
"Do you see the dragons?" I asked Alar.
He chuckled. "I see all kinds of things that aren't there." He lifted his hand and pointed. "That triple-decker sandwich is taunting me."
I didn't see a sandwich, but I wasn't as bothered by the hunger anymore. After a day of fasting, the body got used to not eating.
As we continued on, the path switched back on itself repeatedly, each turn bringing us higher into the ever-thinning air where breathing became more labored, and reality grew ever more fluid.
Ahead, Shovia laughed at something Codric said, the sound carrying back to us on the wind. When the path widened enough for them to walk side by side, they remained close together, their bodies occasionally brushing against each other.
How they could think about romantic stuff under these conditions baffled me. I was aware of Alar beside me and thankful for his presence, but I was singularly focused on both of us surviving the trek and getting to the summit. All my stupid girly fantasies had thankfully gone into hibernation.
Another wave of dizziness hit me as we rounded a bend, this one accompanied by a flash of vertigo that made the path seem to tilt sideways. I clutched Alar's hand harder, fighting the urge to drop to my knees and crawl.
"I've got you," he murmured, his voice surprisingly steady despite his own struggles. "Just keep walking. One foot in front of the other."
"Easier said than done when there are three paths ahead of me." I patted the rock face. "I wonder how long until this doesn't feel real either." I pulled him to the wall. "You should walk either behind me or in front of me. You need to hold on to the wall as well."
"Good advice," he agreed and got behind me.
"Are you holding your hand on the wall?" I asked to make sure.
"Yes."
I wanted to tell him to put his other hand on my back so I would know that he was there, but even if he could, I wouldn't feel his hand because of my backpack.
I focused on Codric's back, using the wall and his solid shape to anchor myself as the hallucinations grew stronger.
The auroras had begun weaving patterns that seemed to hold deep meaning, if only I could decipher them. Ancient symbols danced at the edge of my vision, promising wisdom if I just looked closer...
"Hand on the wall," Alar said sharply, tugging me back as I started to turn my head. "Keep your eyes either on the path or on Codric's back."
"Thanks," I said without looking back.
I forced myself to concentrate on the basics: breathe, walk, and hand patting the mountain face. Everything else was secondary.
Once we reached a relatively wide section of the path where we could sit with our backs against the mountain, Lysara called for a break.
Alar slid down next to me, his shoulder pressing against mine in a way that felt comforting, physically and emotionally.
Codric and Shovia sat beside us, both looking as dazed and flushed as we felt.
Shovia's hair had come partially loose from its braid, and Codric reached over to tuck a strand behind her ear with surprising tenderness.
"The air's getting thinner," she said, taking a sip from her water canteen. "Did you notice that the shapes have evolved?"
No one asked what shapes she was talking about since we were all seeing them.
"The dragons no longer look like flying worms," I said. "And I see ancient symbols that almost make sense if I could only decipher them."
"I saw a whole city floating upside down," Codric added. "Though that might have been a cloud formation. It's getting hard to tell what's real and what's a hallucination."
Alar took another careful sip of his medicated water. "As long as we can stay on the path, nothing else matters. Don't try to find meanings in the visions. Those are just constructs of our minds. The best you can do is ignore them."
It was solid advice, which meant that he was still thinking clearly.
The medication was helping, but Alar looked pale, gaunt, and his eyes were sunken in their sockets.
"We need to eat something." Codric groaned. "This is insane. It's dangerous."
I snorted. "Stop being so dramatic. Fasting for three days is not dangerous for a healthy young man."
Grinning, he squared his shoulders. "I like how you make me sound."
I arched a brow. "If you consider being called a healthy young man a compliment, you are hanging around the wrong girls."
Shovia leaned against his shoulder, her eyes drifting up to the dancing lights. "You are very handsome, too. Not just healthy."
She must be lightheaded with hunger, or maybe the altitude was getting to her because Shovia wasn't the type who complimented guys, not even those she was interested in.
In fact, she particularly avoided complimenting the ones she dated so it wouldn't inflate their egos. She liked to keep them on their toes.
"Thank you." Codric turned to me with a triumphant expression on his face. "Shovia thinks I'm handsome."
"Of course, she does," Alar said. "You practically begged for the compliment."
"I didn't. Kailin did that for me."
The wind picked up again, carrying with it the sharp scent of snow, and I shivered, pressing closer to the mountain face and, by extension, to Alar. His warmth seemed to seep through my clothes, making it harder to remember all the reasons I shouldn't let myself grow attached to him.
In the thin mountain air, with reality shifting at the edges of my vision and the ground never quite stable beneath my feet, those reasons felt as insubstantial as the light dragons soaring overhead.
Maybe it was just another hallucination, this growing bond between us. Perhaps when we reached thicker air and could clear our minds, it would fade like morning mist. But for now, his presence was an anchor, a harbor of safety, and in the shifting reality around us, I couldn't afford to give it up.