Chapter 33 Alar
ALAR
"The mind may counsel caution, but the heart rarely listens."
—Elurian Proverb
Iwatched Kailin disappear into the shadows between the fires, her arms full of empty canteens. She'd practically fled from our group, and I had a sinking feeling that it had something to do with me.
Had I offended her in some way?
Trying to remember everything I had said since we'd entered the cave, I couldn't come up with a single thing, but I should have said something when she'd returned refreshed from the pool.
Maybe she'd expected a compliment?
She probably had, and I should have realized that and said something.
"I should help her carry those back," I said, rising to my feet. "They'll be much heavier once they're filled."
"Of course, they will be." Codric's knowing smirk made me want to kick his foot. "That's very thoughtful of you, cousin."
I ignored his tone. "I'll be right back."
"Take your time," he called after me. "No rush at all."
I shouldn't follow Kailin. She'd made it clear that she wanted to be alone, and going after her was probably a mistake.
But I had to find out what had made her flee like that, and whether it was my fault.
And if I was being honest with myself, wanting to be alone with her played an even bigger role in my less-than-gentlemanly behavior.
As I walked deeper into the cavern, I could hear snippets of Morek's new story—something about a wolf and the moon.
He was probably spinning another tale of impossible longing, and I wondered whether his muse was the pretty girl whose name I had forgotten.
I found Kailin kneeling beside the stream that ran along the cave wall, filling canteens from the clear running water.
Regrettably, we weren't alone. Several other pilgrims were there, some refilling their canteens, while others sat on rocks near the water's edge, tending to blistered feet.
The scene was remarkably domestic considering that we were in a vast cave located inside a sacred mountain.
She must have sensed my approach because she turned to look at me, her expression more exasperated than surprised. "I really don't need any help, Alar. I could've managed by myself."
"I know you could, but these canteens will be much heavier once they are full.
I thought you might need help carrying them back.
" I moved to stand beside her and slid my hands into my pockets.
"I'm just thankful that we don't have to worry about anyone jumping in for another swim since stripping naked is no longer allowed. "
Color rose in her cheeks, but she smiled. "It was painful to watch you and Codric walking back looking like a pair of icicles."
Was that why she'd fled?
Some people were so empathetic that they felt the pain of others, but I didn't think that Kailin was one of them. Not after I'd seen her helping the wounded at the town square. She wouldn't have been able to function.
Could it be that she cared so much about me that she'd felt my pain?
My chest expanded at the thought, and I reached with my hand to her shoulder but retracted it at the last moment. Something told me that Kailin wouldn't welcome the gesture of familiarity right now.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't realize that you were so affected by our discomfort. Still, I maintain that it was worth it just to prove that we're not a couple of soft Elurians."
"No one thinks that anymore," she said. "Not after today."
I was surprised by the conviction in her voice, but she was back to filling canteens, and when she bent over, her golden hair fell forward, hiding her face. I couldn't see her expression.
"It will go much faster with the two of us splitting the task." I gathered two canteens from the pile beside her.
The stream water was freezing, numbing my fingers within minutes, and Kailin had been at it for longer than I was. Her hands were growing red, and she was clumsy as she struggled with the caps.
"Here," I said, reaching for her hands before I could think better of it. "Let me warm them up."
She hesitated for a moment before allowing me to take her hands in mine. Her fingers were like ice against my palms as I gently rubbed them between my own.
"Better?" I asked, my voice coming out rougher than I'd intended.
She nodded, not quite meeting my eyes. "Thank you."
I should have let go then, but I didn't. Instead, I found myself studying the contrast of her small, delicate hands against mine, the fragile bones of her wrists, the calluses that spoke of a life of practical work rather than privilege.
When she finally looked up at me, the torchlight caught in her eyes, turning them to liquid sapphire. Something shifted in the air between us, an electric tension that made it hard to breathe.
Without thinking, I found myself leaning closer, drawn to her by a force that I was helpless to resist. Her lips parted, and I could feel her pulse racing beneath my fingers where they rested against her wrist.
"Excuse me," a voice said from behind us. "If you are done, we need to get to the stream."
Kailin and I jumped apart like guilty children, though we hadn't actually done anything wrong.
Yet.
Kissing or any other pleasures of the flesh on the pilgrimage were a big no-no, so the impatient pilgrim might have saved us from committing a grave transgression.
"Of course," I said, my voice steadier than I felt as I shifted to make room for him. "Sorry about that."
We worked in silence after that, but it wasn't the comfortable silence we'd shared before. This one was charged with everything we weren't saying.
Everything we couldn't say.
When we finally gathered up the canteens and started back toward our fire, I tried to think of something to say that might ease the tension. But what could I say? That I was sorry for almost kissing her? I wasn't. That it couldn't happen again? That would only make things more awkward.
So, I said nothing and neither did she.
As we approached our group's fire, I saw that Codric and Shovia had drawn closer together in our absence. She was leaning against his shoulder, her eyes closed, while he stared into the flames with an unusually serious expression.
The sight filled me with an odd mixture of envy and concern. Codric was getting too invested in something that could only end in heartache. Then again, who was I to judge?
I wasn't acting any more responsibly.
"Look who finally made it back," Codric said as we got closer, though he didn't move away from Shovia. "We were starting to wonder if you'd gotten lost."
"The pool was crowded," Kailin said, setting down the canteens perhaps a bit harder than necessary. "Lots of people had the same idea about getting water."
She settled back into her spot by the fire without looking at me. I distributed the canteens to their owners before taking my seat, trying to ignore how empty the space beside me felt.
Morek was still telling his story about the wolf and the moon, but I couldn't focus on the words. My hands still tingled where they'd touched Kailin's, and my mind kept replaying that moment by the pool, wondering what would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted.
Nothing good, probably. I wasn't superstitious, and I didn't believe that Elurion watched over us from above, but it did seem foolish to transgress against his precepts while I was hoping he would reward me with the ability to bond with dragons.
Besides, kissing Kailin would have made things more complicated than they already were.
I couldn't afford to let myself get distracted by my attraction to her.
Still, as I watched the firelight play across Kailin's face, her eyes fixed determinedly on Morek as he spun his tale, I wondered if it was already too late for such practical considerations. The magnetic currents that guided dragons through the auroras weren't the only forces beyond our control.
Some paths, once started down, couldn't easily be abandoned.