Chapter 50 Kailin #2
I was sorry to hear that. Now that they were both about to become riders, their casual fling could mature into something more, but if it wasn't meant to be, I was sure Shovia would find someone to take Codric's place soon enough.
I sighed, turning on my back and staring at the ceiling.
"It all feels so surreal. I can't believe that I'm here, in the dormitory of the Dragon Flight Academy, having just made up with a guy I've known for less than a week over a silly spat, while being.
..whatever this is...about another man I barely know. "
"Welcome to adult life," Shovia said. "It's messy."
I chuckled. "I've seen you make a mess of yours, but I never expected it to happen to me. It's almost as bizarre as being declared a rider."
"Yeah, tell me about it. You were at least kind of ready for it because of Dylon, but I was in complete shock. Now I will never get to travel the world. I will be stuck in Elucia for the rest of my very long life."
I'd been so consumed by my own issues that I hadn't stopped to consider how difficult this outcome must be for Shovia.
She had never wanted to be a rider, but that was more because she had no reason to believe she could, and I'd assumed that she had been pleasantly surprised to have been found gifted.
"I'm sorry," I murmured, turning on my side again. "I mean, I'm not sorry that you are here with me. It makes this whole thing so much easier. But I'm sorry that you had to give up on your dreams."
"Eh," she waved a dismissive hand. "Dreams are meant to be adjusted.
" She turned on her side to face me again.
"The upside is that I'm going to spend eternity with my best friend, provided that neither of us gets killed, that is.
" She frowned. "Swear to me that you are not going to die and leave me alone here. It would be intolerable."
I smiled. "It's not up to me, Shovia. It's up to Elu or fate."
She snorted. "We make our own fate or at least help it along. Swear it and it will become true."
"You swear it first."
"Fine." She sat up in bed. "I swear that I won't let myself get killed as long as you are alive."
"That's not fair." I sat up as well. "It's blackmail."
"So? It will hold us both accountable to each other."
I shook my head. "If you want me to swear anything, I will only do it if you don't condition your vow on me being alive."
A smile bloomed on Shovia's face. "You are a tough negotiator, my deceptively sweet friend. But fine." She got out of her bed, crossed over to mine, and took my hand in hers. "I swear not to let myself get killed. Period. No conditions."
I squeezed her hand and repeated the vow back to her.
Letting out a dramatic breath, she pulled my blanket over her feet, letting me know that she had no intentions of going back to her bed anytime soon. "So, what's next with Alar? Are you two going to sneak off to one of those terraces and make out under the auroras?"
Was that her attempt to lighten the mood after our solemn vows to each other?
Or was it just my old friend who was overly interested in my nonexistent sex life?
If not for the fact that those terraces without railings scared the living auroras out of me, I had to admit that the image was tempting—Alar's arms around me, the cool mountain air, the dancing lights overhead—but I shook my head.
"We're taking it slow. We've got enough to deal with just adjusting to all this.
" I gestured at the stone walls. "Besides, I'm pretty sure that's against academy rules. "
No one had said anything yet, but they probably would tomorrow when the orientation continued and we were given the academy rule book.
Shovia scoffed. "Rules are meant to be broken."
"I'm not you, Shovia. I'm not a rebel."
"And thank Elu for that," she said, folding her arms behind her head. "One of me is more than enough for the Citadel."
I couldn't argue with that. "We've got more important things to focus on anyway. Like surviving orientation and figuring out how I'm going to overcome my fear of heights."
Shovia's expression grew contemplative. "About that. How did you do on the way over here? Were you so focused on sexy Ravel that you forgot to be afraid?"
I was distracted by a conversation with a dragon, but I couldn't tell her that.
"I was terrified, but having Ravel's arms around me helped."
"I bet." Grinning, she leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Now, tell me more about what happened with Alar. Was there a smoldering look? A caress? A kiss? Anything I can vicariously enjoy?"
I laughed. "No, nothing like that. We just talked. Cleared the air. He did call breakfast tomorrow a 'date,' though."
"Progress!" She clapped her hands. "I knew you two would work it out. And you did it all without my help. My little Kailin, all grown up and confronting relationship problems like a big girl."
I rolled my eyes but couldn't help smiling. "It wasn't a relationship problem. We're not in a relationship."
"Yet," she said, pointing a finger at me. "But you will be. By the way, did Alar mention anything about that blonde he was flirting with at dinner?"
I frowned. "Vessa? No, it didn't come up."
"Mmm-hmm." She raised a knowing eyebrow.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you were both giving each other reasons to be jealous, whether you meant to or not."
I chuckled. "I knew he didn't mean anything by it. That's why I forgot to even bring it up. But if he ever brings up Ravel again, I will remind him of Vessa."
It sounded petty, and things like that shouldn't be part of a good relationship, but people were people, not angels, and the hard truth was that life was one big negotiation. Love was not unconditional, and it had to be nurtured, even pampered, to keep growing instead of wilting.
Not that Alar and I were in love. We had both guarded our hearts because neither of us had believed that we would end up here together. We'd both expected to go our separate ways after the pilgrimage.
Now we had a chance that wasn't there before.
Then it hit me. What if we didn't make it through the training? Or only one of us did?
"What if I fail and Alar becomes a rider?" I voiced my fear. "Or vice versa?"
Shovia shrugged. "Then you deal with it when it happens. No point borrowing trouble from tomorrow when today brings plenty of its own. Besides, if anyone's going to wash out, it's more likely to be the pretty Elurians and not us, the mountain-raised Elucians, right?"
I was offended on their behalf. "Alar and Codric are pretty resilient."
Shovia's expression turned serious again. "We don't know much about them. They're outsiders. If they fail, they go home. But even if they were Elucians, this would probably have been the end of it. Not everyone who fails the training decides to stay on. Our lives are here now, Kailin."
It hurt to acknowledge the truth, but hiding from it was not the answer. "Like you said, there is no point borrowing trouble from the future, and worrying about what might or might not happen. For all we know, we could die tomorrow."
"Elu forbid." Shovia touched three fingers to her lips. "You vowed to stay alive."
"I vowed not to let myself get killed, and I won't, but shit happens, and it doesn't ask for permission."