Chapter 69 Alar
ALAR
"Personal attachments are a tactical liability, yet in a war, the will to endure often hinges on what a soldier deems worthy of the cost.
It's the why behind the what that determines the how."
—Excerpt from Codex of Command, Section IV: Morale and Psychological Resilience
Iwoke up with a smile, Kailin's body nestled against mine, her back pressed to my chest, our legs tangled together beneath the blanket.
My arm was draped over her waist, holding her close, and for a moment, I just listened to the steady rhythm of her breathing, savoring the perfection of this moment.
The scent of her hair, the softness of her skin against mine, the absolute rightness of having her in my arms. I'd woken beside other women before but never had it felt like this—like finding a missing piece of myself I hadn't even been looking for because I hadn't known it was absent.
The events of the previous night replayed in my mind, and a wave of emotion washed over me. It wasn't just because of what we'd shared physically, though that had been magnificent, but because of the words that had passed between us.
I love you, she'd said to me while looking into my eyes, her gaze clear and unwavering.
She'd sought to comfort and reassure me, while she herself had been in pain, realizing my concern for her discomfort.
In that moment of vulnerability, she'd thought of me first, and that selflessness spoke volumes.
She humbled me.
I'd echoed the words back, not because I felt obligated to do so but because it was the truth that had been staring me in the eye since probably the first time I'd seen Kailin.
I'd heard those words before, whispered by noblewomen seeking connection to the royal family, by courtiers looking to advance their status, and even by partners who had confused desire with love.
They'd never felt authentic—not until Kailin.
I pressed a gentle kiss to her shoulder, careful not to wake her.
She needed her rest after everything we'd shared.
But even though I wanted to remain exactly where I was, I was acutely aware of the time.
The pre-dawn light meant the morning alarm would sound soon, and I needed to be out of here before then, not for my sake, but for hers.
It wouldn't be fair to subject Kailin to the gossip that would inevitably follow, even if she didn't mind it.
Still, I didn't want to just leave without saying something. That wouldn't be right after what had transpired between us. I kissed her cheek, smoothing my hand over the curve of her beautiful ass.
She stirred, turning to face me with sleep-heavy eyes. "Is it morning yet?"
"It is." I kissed her cheek again. "I need to get out of here before the alarm starts blaring and everyone wakes up."
She blinked, more awareness returning to her gaze. "You don't have to."
"And I don't want to, but I should be in the bathroom before others get there." I smiled. "I can't go to my room until Shovia and Codric get out of there."
Instead of releasing me as I expected, she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me close for a kiss that quickly flared to passion we couldn't engage in right now.
"I love you," I whispered against her lips. "But I really should go."
"I love you, too," she said, and the sincerity in her voice sent a blast of warmth through me. "I don't care if the entire academy knows you spent the night with me."
I chuckled softly. "I care, and it's my job to protect your reputation."
She rolled her eyes. "My reputation will be just fine. Everyone will see Shovia and Codric emerging from your room and figure out that you had to spend the night somewhere else, meaning with me. It's not like we were hiding our relationship."
"Suspecting is different from confirming," I pointed out, though I was fighting a losing battle against my own wish to stay. "Besides, there's the rulebook to consider."
"The rulebook that says cadets are free to engage with each other as long as it's consensual and discreet?" She traced a finger along my jawline. "I'd say we're being very discreet right now."
I chuckled. "Me leaving your room in the morning is not discreet, and this conversation isn't helping my resolve." I captured her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. "Besides, the alarm will sound soon, and we will have to get up anyway."
I extricated myself from her embrace and stood, the cold morning air pebbling my skin. Kailin watched me from the bed, the blanket pulled up to her chest, her hair tousled, her cheeks rosy from sleep, and her eyes full of admiration and affection.
How did I get so lucky?
She looked so beautiful that it demanded all of my willpower to turn away from her.
"How are you feeling?" I asked as I gathered my scattered clothing, remembering her discomfort the night before.
"Happy." She smiled. "A little sore, but in a good way."
I paused in the act of pulling on my pants and turned to meet her gaze. "That's music to my ears. I was afraid you'd be sore and wouldn't be in any state for conditioning this morning."
She groaned. "Don't remind me."
"Sorry." I leaned over to plant one last kiss on her lips.
Once I was dressed, I knelt beside the bed, surrendering to her pull for one more moment. I cradled her face in my hands and kissed her deeply, pouring everything I felt into it—my love, my gratitude, my wonder at what we had found with each other.
"I'll see you at conditioning," I said against her lips.
"You are reminding me of it again," she accused, but the sleepy contentment in her eyes softened the delivery.
With a final kiss to her forehead, I grabbed my backpack and moved to the door, listening carefully for sounds in the corridor beyond. Hearing nothing, I slipped out, closing the door quietly behind me.
The hallway was still deserted, and I made my way quickly to the communal bathroom, planning to shower and change before heading back to my room. If anyone saw me, they would assume I just started my day early.
The bathroom was empty when I entered, another small mercy. I set my backpack down and turned on one of the showers, adjusting the temperature while my mind drifted back to Kailin, and the smile that bloomed on my face was probably going to stay there throughout conditioning.
I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice I wasn't alone anymore until Codric's voice broke through my reverie.
"Showering before the run up the mountain?" he asked with a knowing smirk. "You do realize you'll need another one after, right?"
He leaned against the partition of my shower stall, arms crossed over his chest, looking far too pleased with himself.
"No one ever died from being too clean," I said.
"True, but if you are going for subtle, cousin, you're not thinking it through."
I sighed, turning off the water and reaching for my towel. "Is Shovia out of our room?"
He nodded with another smirk, lifting a corner of his mouth. "So, how did the studying go?"
Despite my irritation at his prying, I couldn't suppress a smile. "It was educational."
"I bet." Codric's expression shifted to something more genuine. "I'm happy for you. Kailin is the real deal, and I've never seen you more contented. Don't mess it up with her."
The observation caught me off guard. Codric and I had grown up together, shared countless experiences, but we rarely ventured into emotional territory, and Codric was usually the last one I would take romantic advice from, but he was spot on.
"You are right, and I'll do my best not to."
He clutched his chest in mock astonishment. "Dare I say the mighty Prince Alar has fallen in love?"
"That's a bit dramatic," I said, neither confirming nor denying it.
"It's written all over your face."
I wrapped the towel around my waist and gathered my toiletries. "Instead of butting into my personal affairs, you should get ready for conditioning."
Codric clicked his tongue. "That's as good as confirming it." He turned around and headed for one of the sinks.
I changed into my training uniform and waited for him to be done before we headed together to our room.
I dropped the backpack and my toiletries in the wardrobe and turned back toward the door, waiting for Codric to do the same.
"You know," he said as we started down the corridor, "if things are serious between you two, maybe we should switch rooms permanently? Shovia can stay with me, and you can stay with Kailin. It will make things easier for all of us."
"I don't think it's allowed according to the rules. Being discreet is strongly emphasized, and changing sleeping arrangements is hardly discreet."
"We can ask."
I hesitated. "Even if it's possible, it's too early for that. I don't want to overwhelm Kailin."
"Yeah," he sighed. "You are probably right."