Chapter 18
LIV
Taking our time leaving the arena only makes the fans more eager to see Caleb.
It feels like there are twice as many people waiting now as we come outside, hand in hand into a sea of blue and white jerseys and beanies. Some fans are carrying team-themed plushies or signs. There’s so much face paint that the adults look like the kids at the town fair.
It puts a lump in my throat for reasons I can’t identify at first.
And then I realize that what I’m feeling is a sense of belonging. This swath of people from every walk of life has gathered to celebrate something we all love. And even though the high school me would have said it was just a brutal sport for a bunch of jocks, I get it now.
Hockey is more than a bunch of guys skating around and knocking into each other when they think they can get away with it.
It’s about teamwork, overcoming obstacles, and forgetting the real world for a moment to appreciate the unexpected things people can do when we put aside our differences and work together.
The crowd screams Caleb’s name and he laughs as he squeezes my hand, looking happier than I’ve ever seen him.
We spot his parents and Daisy in the crowd right away. I guess maybe they came back up to check on us when we didn’t join them as quickly as usual.
I’m so glad Daisy is here to see how much people care about her daddy.
“Hey, thank you,” Caleb yells back to the fans.
They actually quiet down, which is kind of wild.
“I just want to thank you all for being here for the Stallions,” he says, raising his voice so he can be easily heard by everyone. “And thank you for supporting me, too. I know I gave you every reason to give up on me, but you didn’t.”
There are a couple of whistles and shouts of approval.
“I’m grateful to all of you,” Caleb continues. “And to my parents and my daughter.”
His dad nods once, and his mom beams. Daisy smiles up at him too and signs “playing.”
He signs it back and there’s a little murmur in the crowd, like they’re interested in seeing him use sign language with his daughter. There’s so much about this man that they don’t know, because Daisy is his whole world. I hope he can see today that having people know her isn’t so terrible.
“And I’m grateful to my girlfriend,” he says, turning to me. “Olivia Williams, you’re the light of my life…”
“Hold up,” a woman yells from the crowd. Her voice is familiar, and a warning tingle goes down my spine, though I’m not sure why. “Hold up. I know you.”
She pushes her way to the front and as soon as her blue eyes land on me I know who it is. I don’t know how I didn’t know as soon as I heard that voice that still haunts my dreams.
It’s her.
Suddenly, I feel like I’m falling, falling away from the crowd and the handsome boyfriend and his sweet daughter, falling out of the new life I’ve carved for myself, and back into the awkward version of Olivia whose heart pounds in her ears as she tries to skirt her big body past the other kids in the hallway.
“Angel,” Caleb murmurs.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Angel says, an edge of laughter in her voice. “Twiggy, is that you?”
I blink at her in utter horror. I want to run, but my entire body is frozen. The crowd has gone silent, like they know instinctively there’s good drama to be seen here.
Just like the kids in the hallway used to stop and watch.
“It is you,” Angel says, her eyes lighting up. “It’s Twiggy the Piggy.”
Someone makes an oinking sound, but this time it’s not one of Angel’s phony henchmen. It’s Daisy, with her adorable little face all scrunched up making piggy noises.
Angel laughs as Audrey tries to quiet Daisy.
And then something strange happens.
I realize I don’t want to disappear at all.
“Does that make you feel better?” I ask Angel quietly.
“What’s that, Twiggy?” she asks, a smug smile on her face like she used to get when she knew she had me trapped.
But this isn’t high school anymore. And it’s time for me to finally stand up for myself.
“I asked if making other people feel small makes you feel better about yourself,” I say, louder this time, so everyone can hear. “You know, most of us have moved on with our lives, Angel. We have friends and jobs. We have relationships. Have you not grown up at all? Is this really all you’ve got?”
My words hang in the air for a moment, and her face goes pasty white.
“If it is, Angel, I’m sorry to hear it,” I tell her. And I find that I mean it. “Life is so much better when you don’t need to use other people’s unhappiness to make your own sad life feel better.”
“I’ve got plenty,” she sniffs. “And at least I don’t have to walk around pretending I’m someone else to get people to like me.”
That actually stings more than the jokes about my appearance that I was waiting for, mostly because there’s truth to it.
I’m not in a disguise, and I don’t pretend to be anything I’m not. But I didn’t tell Caleb how he already knew me, not even when he told me he had real feelings for me.
I glance up at him, wondering if he has anything to say, and my blood runs cold.
Caleb is just gazing down at me, his jaw tight, his eyes filled with horror and betrayal.
So maybe his heart isn’t so big after all.
Or maybe it is, and that’s even worse. Maybe he won’t break up with me now because he’ll feel honor-bound to stay.
But the look on his face tells me all I need to know about how he feels about dating Twiggy the Piggy.
And it hurts so much that I want to fall to the pavement and weep.
But I never let them see me cry in high school, and I sure as sugar am not going to let it happen now.
Besides, I brought this on myself. I had every opportunity to tell him and I chose not to. I chose to live in his light for as long as I could.
My body finally catches up to my heart and at last I run, past the crowd and the flash of cameras.
I’m vaguely aware of the hum of the crowd coming back to life behind me, but mostly I hear my shoes smacking the pavement and my own ragged breathing as I sprint for my car.
The cake stand saved me—it’s the only reason I drove here myself today.
I get in my car, feeling breathless and numb.
Driving home on pure adrenaline, I tell myself it’s okay. I don’t have anything less than I did the day he came into my life.
As a matter of fact, I have more. I’ve got a bigger apartment and my two best friends as roommates.
I’ve got a cupcake stand at the arena that sold out today.
I’ve got people I’ve known since I was a kid looking at me a little differently, like I’m more than just that sweet Olivia Williams, poor thing.
And he can’t take any of that away.
But as soon as I pull up at Hall House I start to feel awful again. This has always been my haven, and now it’s where he lives too.
I grab a box of cupcake stuff out of the back and carry it up to the front door. But before I have my key out, it’s swinging open.
“Liv,” Hailey says, pulling me as close as she can with this box in my arms. “Are you okay?”
“Were you there?” I ask. But I know as soon as the words are out that it’s impossible. She couldn’t have gotten back here fast enough.
“Some idiot was live streaming,” she says, shaking her head as she lets go of me.
I’m stunned to see tears in her eyes.
“You stood up to her, Liv,” she says. “I’m so proud of you.”
Oh, right. I was so busy thinking about that look on Caleb’s face that I kind of forgot about that part. And that part felt good. Like finally solving a puzzle I’ve been working on forever.
“I think talking to Alice helped,” I realize out loud. “And having friends like you and Tessa.”
My best friends have been telling me I’m worthy of love and respect for years, both out loud and through their constant support. I think my sessions with Alice were just what I needed to finally start believing them.
“You’re the one who did the work, so I think you deserve the real credit here,” Hailey says. “Plus, that was just about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. Now put your stuff back in the car. We’re going to stay at my parents’ place for a while. It’s going to be epic.”
Relief floods my chest at the idea of going someplace where I won’t have to bump into Caleb, even for a few days.
“Really?” I ask her, determined not to impose. “Is it okay with your parents?”
“I texted them before you got here,” she says. “They’re in Europe anyway. They said all three of us can stay as long as we want.”
“Oh, Hailey,” I say, dropping the box on the ground and pulling her into a real bear hug.
She laughs and hugs me back, and it’s almost enough to let me forget the hole that Caleb Stone tore in my heart.
A few hours later, I’m ensconced in the center of the ridiculously cozy sectional sofa in Hailey’s parents’ family room.
Hailey is on the left wing and Tessa is on the right and each of us has a cupcake from the emergency stash I keep in the freezer.
We grabbed them from the apartment as well as a few suitcases of clothing. Thankfully, we managed to get out of there before Caleb and Daisy got back.
Though of course the whole time I had a secret fantasy of him arriving in time to catch me, begging me to forgive him for high school, and declaring his love.
But that’s not going to happen. I knew it from the look on his face.
It hurts, but I’m going to have to move past this, just like I’ve found a way to move past so many other things in my life.
I pluck a frosting rose from my cupcake and close my eyes around the rich, sweet taste. Cupcakes are so much yummier now that I don’t eat them as often.
“What kills me,” Tessa says, with her mouth full of her second cupcake, “is that stupid deer-in-the-headlights look he had.”
“I guess he was really surprised,” I allow. “And he probably felt like I should have told him.”
“Why didn’t you tell him?” Hailey asks me.
“I guess I just wanted it to work between us,” I admit.
“Why wouldn’t it work between you if he knew?” Tessa demands. “That stuff they called you didn’t even make any sense anyway. Twiggy was a skeletally thin model from way before we were even born. It’s a confusing insult for a heavy kid. No offense.”
“Well, I think it was supposed to refer to a stick,” I explain. “Like they always said I got hit by the ugly stick, so calling me Twiggy was a reference to my ugly-stick face and the Piggy part was about my body. And it rhymed, which made it extra fun.”
“High school students are cavemen,” Hailey announces dismissively, popping the rest of her cupcake in her mouth.
“I do wish I’d told him sooner,” I say, placing mine down on my plate.
“It would have ended the same way, but it didn’t have to be public like this.
He gave me the perfect opportunity when he pulled me into the stairwell and told me he wanted to be my real boyfriend.
It would have been so easy to come clean.
But I froze up. So I guess I brought this on myself. ”
“Wait,” Hailey almost yells. “He what?!”
Oh yeah. I guess I kind of left out that part.
“It doesn’t matter now,” I tell them. “I messed it up anyway.”
Hailey gives me a look like we are far from done with that conversation, but she doesn’t press the issue.
“Well, no one does anything bad enough to summon a harpy like Angel Covington,” Tessa says. “She just spawns out of thin air to rain down misery on anyone unlucky enough to cross her path.”
My phone buzzes for about the thousandth time since we got here. I can’t even bear to look at it. Tessa grabs it off the table and turns it over.
“Do you want to know who it is?” she asks.
I shake my head.
“We’ll get you a new one tomorrow,” Hailey says, like buying a new phone is no big deal. “And you’ll stay off your socials for a little while. It’ll blow over soon. Everything does.”
“I have a shift at the diner tomorrow,” I say.
“Good,” Hailey tells me. “You can rip off the Band-Aid. And I’ve got nothing going on, so I’ll hang out for bottomless coffee and backup. Just emotional backup, that is. Unless Angel decides to show up, then all bets are off.”
“Thanks,” I tell them with a grateful smile. “It feels good to know I’ve got someone in my corner.
“This whole town loves you, Liv,” Tessa says gently. “You’re going to be just fine.”
And I guess I will be, eventually. But right now, under my weak smile, my heart feels like it’s disintegrating.