CHAPTER 10
Later that night, Isha could not fall asleep, hours after she had gotten into bed. The twins were on their best behavior the last few days but it was what she had to deal with their uncle. She felt crappy about how things turned out the prior evening and it was his fault that she got triggered.
No, it wasn’t her fault!
She could have tried in the umpteen different ways to get out of the situation. She could have screamed her lungs out, bit him where she could, hurt him with her head. No. She chose to kiss him with the intention of shocking him. It backfired.
Even after she muddled through what happened, she could not figure out why she took the route.
Ridden by guilt, she dialed Aman’s number knowing well it would worry him. The fact that it was two in the morning her time, it would definitely cause alarm.
“Isha, are you okay?” Aman was horrified as he added, “Are the little ones doing, okay?”
Tears welled and she batted them away and she let out a laugh. “All okay, I just could not sleep. Are you in the middle of something?”
“I can talk.”
Her chest twisted painfully in response to the sweetness in his voice. “Aman,” she paused as the words stuck in her throat.
“Isha, what’s wrong?”
There was no containing her guilt. She started to weep. “I keep doing crazy things, Aman.”
“Isha, you are freaking me out. What’s wrong?” He was so worried he switched the audio call to video so he could see her.
She felt like she was in no situation to face him but she eventually accepted the video call. Her eyes looked dull and her face was puffy from crying. Aman didn’t say anything, just stayed silent.
“I…I…have done something so stupid and—” she lost her voice yet again. She deserved to feel as crappy as she felt. And in that moment, she even felt bad about how Ashok would have felt. He didn’t deserve what happened, how awkward it must be for him too.
“Isha, what did you do?.” He paused looking at her. “I never thought I would see you in this state, ever.” Aman was a guy she dated at some point but now they were more like friends.
She started to sob again.
“Just breathe. You don’t need to talk.” Aman kept his voice calm.
That was the peak and she cried uncontrollably. She pressed her hand to her mouth to suppress her sobs, not to wake anyone else and all along, Aman gave her the space to process her feelings.
“I need to apologize to Ashok.” Her voice shook. “I don’t know why I behaved so badly.”
“Isha,” Aman took a deep breath. “What happened?”
“I…I…slapped Ashok and then instigated him by—”
“Isha…stop.” Aman was shocked. “I can’t believe this. This is so unlike you.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better. What I did was just an abomination and…” she lost her words unable to find the term for it. “Just ridiculous…juvenile.” As a lawyer she took pride in being composed and always responded, instead of reacting.
He shook his head. “I don’t believe what I’m hearing.”
“But Aman, I need to tell you what happened.” She needed to get it off her chest. She felt a dying need to justify her actions. “I’ve never behaved so badly—”
“Just forget what happened.” He insisted. “Apologize to Ashok and move on.”
Isha knew she would not be able to tell Aman anything at that point so she lowered her eyes and stayed silent.
“Isha, go to bed,” Aman said after a few moments of silence. “Everything will seem a lot easier to handle in the morning. I promise.”
She nodded; her eyes still lowered as she held her phone in front of her.
“Can I get you to look at me and promise me you will make a sincere effort to sleep?”
She looked up, her heart melting for the guy who was the sweetest person she had ever known. “I promise. I will go to sleep now.”
With those words. She put the phone away and turned off the light. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep but she had to give sleep a try, at least for Aman’s sake.
As promised, she fell asleep but she tossed around for a few hours before deciding to dial Chandini. She had to explain to someone why she behaved that way.
Without realizing what time it was, she dialed Chandini’s number. She answered almost immediately. “Isha,” her cousin panted, “you’re up so early.”
It seemed Chandini was on her evening run. Isha looked at the clock and chuckled. “It’s 5:55 in the morning for me.”
“Wow, angel number!”
Isha rolled her eyes. Her cousin was a huge believer of the concept of angel numbers and the significant messages they carry. She indulged her cousin only because she loved her. “And what does that mean?”
“That’s for change.” She sighed before adding, “For new beginnings.”
Isha let out a sigh wondering why she told her cousin the exact time, instead of saying it was almost six.
“Good,” she said instead of saying what she was thinking. That it was just her cousin being superstitious.
“Are you ready to embrace the change?”
“No,” her response was instantaneous. “If losing Ravi and Sami is the change, I don’t want this.”
Isha was angry, not at her cousin. Chandini went silent and Isha could tell she had stopped running at that point. “Chandini, I’m sorry. You know I’m not angry at you.”
Her cousin paused for a moment. “I know that.”
Isha felt guilty for snapping at her cousin and could not find the words to continue the conversation. “I’ve been doing stupid things all day and all night. Including yelling at you for no reason.”
“Well, you kinda had a reason.” Chandini laughed and added, “before you tell me whatever else you did, 555 means good change and all I’m saying is you need to open to it. And when you see all ones, make a wish. It’s good.”
A shudder passed through her in response to her cousin’s words.
In the last few weeks, the number of times she had looked at the digital clock and it showed either eleven after eleven in the mornings when she woke up and when she woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare when it was eleven after one in the morning.
Whatever this change was, it was making her do crazy stuff. She did have a few wishes that she could benefit from them being granted!!
“Now spill the beans. What did you do?” Chandini was impatient.
Instead of going around in circles like she did when she tried to confess with Aman, she kept it to the point. “I kissed Ashok.”
“Ashok? Ravi’s brother-in-law?” Chandini asked and added, “You made out with someone finally.”
“Stop it, Chandini.” Even as she barked at her cousin, she could not deny that there was something raw in that moment that she had never felt before.
“Are you worried about what Aman would say? Did you call him?” Chandini didn’t really understand the dynamic they had. Aman and she had not been a couple for years but they maintained that facade so Aman’s family and hers didn’t pressure them.
Isha didn’t feel any physical attraction toward him; it was just genuine affection. What she had felt for Ashok in that fierce moment was intense.
“I did but I was so shaken, I didn’t really tell him exactly what happened. Not that it mattered because I didn’t make out with him.”
Chandini paused for a moment. “Tell me what happened.”
Isha didn’t realize how she had to love through the whole situation while sharing the details with Chandini. She wrapped the whole episode by saying, “It meant nothing but a boat load of embarrassment for me.”
Her cousin was awfully silent. “Maybe he is the change.”
Isha clenched her teeth and silently looked up at the ceiling in frustration. Chandini was back to the same theory of angel numbers.
“Right.” She was annoyed.
“From what I remember of him at Ravi’s wedding he is hot too. Maybe dump Aman and date that guy.”
“Chandini, I love you, thank you for taking my call, I’m going to sleep peacefully now.” Before Chandini could say anything, else Isha had ended the call.
She rolled her eyes, playing back in her head what Chandini said before getting under the sheets.