Chapter 17
MINA
My body is numb, the morning sun trying its best to warm me out of the anguish I’m trapped in. The birds chatter in the trees, their happiness annoying as I wait for the abuse Julius is sure to bring. I arrive earlier than usual, having not been able to sleep last night or eat this morning.
I’m angry, but beyond that, I grieve for the life I thought I had. The life I was so desperate to return to. It’s gone.
Julius’ low whistle has me turning around as he stalks through the archway.
“Being early isn’t going to score you any points with me, Helena.” He stalks over to the maple tree and slaps the hilt of the ax.
I hate him.
“Lena,” I murmur under my breath.
He doesn’t hear me, but I guess he caught my lips moving.
“What was that?” he sneers.
Not being able to bite back a retort, I snap, “It’s Lena. You keep calling me Helena, and I prefer to be called Lena.”
He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. “Somebody is in a mood this morning.”
When I don’t respond, he smiles maliciously at me. “Oh, did you finally meet our handsome captain at last? A heartbreaker, that one is.”
There’s an evil glint in his eyes. Did this asshole know, too?
I clench my jaw, trying my hardest to keep from exploding on him. He stares me down, waiting for the eruption. When nothing comes from me, he sighs.
“Go get your sword. Let’s do some sparring.”
I turn my back on him and walk towards the weapons building. My muscles ache to be used, and I’m ready to swing a sword at Julius’ head. But when I return, Julius is still where I left him, without a sword or shield.
I stare at him quizzically, and he gives me a flat look.
“Run sprints with your sword and shield.”
My brow furrows. He can’t be serious. “I thought we were—” I begin, but he cuts me off.
“Now!” he snarls.
I spend the entire morning running with my shield and sword.
At lunch, I stumble into the dining hall and see Mathilda and Lachlan glaring at each other. Mathilda’s eyes soften when she spies me, and she waves me over.
But I freeze when Lachlan slowly turns my way.
My breath stalls.
I haven’t seen him so crestfallen since we were kids.
His eyes are hollow. The vibrant green is muted and murky with misery.
Mathilda mumbles something I can’t hear to him, and he hangs his head, dropping something onto the table, before stalking out.
I slowly approach, and she stretches her arms out wide, enveloping me in a hug.
“Lena, I am so sorry. I promise we had no idea you guys knew or didn’t know each other like that.”
She smells of sunshine and poppies, and I sigh in her warm embrace. She steps back to stare into my eyes. There’s a sharpness to her gaze.
“I swear on my mother’s burial mound that I had no idea who he was to you.”
I believe her.
Nodding my head, I take a seat at the table. A small, white, clematis-like flower, sits alone at the end of the table where Lachlan had stood. My chest aches.
Mathilda attempts to make small talk with me throughout our lunch, but my thoughts are muddled.
I force myself to eat my lunch to prepare for my session with Mina.
Mathilda walks with me down to the training grounds, and I get the feeling that she will not be leaving my side until my mood improves.
There’s a warmth blooming in my veins at her kindness. She truly is a wonderful friend.
Mina sits cross-legged in the shade, her eyes closed, and her palms face up in her lap. I share a look with Mathilda, and she grins at me, mouthing “have fun” before turning back.
Quietly, I approach Mina. Her hair begins to float around her, and small pebbles float up from the ground and begin to circle her. The shock has me stumbling, and her eyes flash open. Her hair and the pebbles drop instantly. She looks up at me with a small smile.
“Hi,” she says softly. I give a small wave and plop down on the ground beside her. She pats my leg gently, her eyes studying my face. “You okay?”
My braid whips back and forth as I shake my head and heave a sigh. “I’m dealing with a lot right now.”
She smiles sadly and nods. “Today we’re going to work on some strength and conditioning. Not just for our bodies.” She taps the side of her head. “But our minds too.”
I grimace. My mind is not the place I want to be in right now. She stands quickly and stretches out a hand to me. She’s so small compared to my taller frame, but there’s a fierceness glimmering in her eyes. I take her outstretched hand, and she pulls me to my feet, but doesn’t let go of my hand.
“Close your eyes,” she murmurs to me. I follow her instructions and close them. “Listen to your heart and just breathe.”
My muscles tense as my pulse begins racing, anticipating all the emotions that have been warring under the surface to break through.
My parents, Gran, and Lachlan circle around and around in my mind.
I’m furious with my parents for hiding my birthright from me.
I’m shattered that Lachlan, of all people, was a part of the scheme and kept all of this from me.
I’m devastated that Gran doesn’t want me to come back.
I’m lost.
I take a deep breath, trying to push my distressing thoughts away.
“Don’t push your thoughts away,” Mina murmurs, and I crack an eye open before quickly closing it when she begins speaking again.
“Change your mindset. You’re not a victim here, but a survivor. You have survived so much that would have broken other people. Yes, bad things have happened to you. But you control how you react to them. If you don’t like how you feel, then change it.”
Her words stun me as they strike a chord.
She’s right.
Everyone else made their choices, and now I can make my own.
If I know anything about my parents, Gran, and Lachlan, it’s that they wouldn’t ever maliciously hurt me.
They would try their best to make the right decision at the time.
I let that thought settle into my very bones.
That’s right. They did the best they could, and they had their reasons.
I can not dwell on things I cannot change.
Mina squeezes my hand gently. “Come back to your body and your surroundings.” I take another deep breath and open my eyes. My chest is lighter, and my head clearer.
“Better?” she asks, smiling at me.
I nod, and a smile begins spreading across my face. “It is. It’s not gone, but much more manageable.”
She places her hands on her hips, and her hair whips side to side as she looks around the training grounds.
“Let’s do some warmups and then some core work. It’ll help with all your training going forward if you have a strong core.”
“Sounds good,” I reply and follow her as she begins a slow jog around the training grounds.
“I’m glad the mind work helped,” she says. We jog slowly, following the perimeter of the fence around the grounds.
“Me too. How did you know I needed that?” I ask.
She jogs so gracefully, her feet barely make a sound against the dirt. “You’ve dealt with a lot in the past couple of days, and from what you said, you weren’t even aware this place actually existed. I assumed you’d be struggling with thoughts of betrayal.”
I grimace. She called that perfectly. “I am. Well, was. It was just hard to conceive a world where my parents kept something this big from me. It was only ever us three, and we were so happy. I just don’t understand why they wouldn’t tell me, ya know?”
She bobs her head and bites her bottom lip. “You must miss them a lot.”
I swallow hard and try to focus on my pace so that I don’t start crying. “I do very much, but in a way, I’m relieved they went together. They couldn’t survive without each other.”
Mina slows as we approach the large maple tree that holds Odin’s ax. “I wouldn’t understand what that’s like,” she murmurs. Sadness dims her usually bright eyes.
I struggle with the right words. “I’m so sorry, I—I didn’t know.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. I had a decent childhood compared to other Valkyries.
But my parents never mated, and their relationship was rocky at best.” She reaches her arms up over her head and begins stretching.
She’s so lithe and graceful with each of her movements, and I do my best to follow suit.
“That’s got to be rough, though, and I’m still sorry you had to deal with that growing up.”
She sits back down and straightens her legs out in front of her.
“It definitely showed me what I did not want. It was always like our house was on fire. There was so much discord, and they wielded me as a weapon against each other, even though I never seemed to be good enough. I refuse to settle for a relationship like that. But it has been lonely.”
Understanding fills my eyes. “I had the opposite experience, but the same feeling.” I chuckle. “I don’t think I’ll ever have a relationship as great as my parents. Love like that is rare.”
Mina nods and grins. “Team ‘No mate’.”
We high-five.
She lies down flat and pats the ground beside her. “Okay, you’re about to hate me, but I promise it’ll be worth it.”
My stomach hurts so badly by the time we finish our core workout that it hurts to breathe. Mina cracks jokes on the way back to the Great Hall, and I glower at her.
“I swear to the gods, if you make me laugh right now, I’ll punch you.”
She sticks her tongue out at me and flits away quickly when I struggle to reach out to push her.
“Take a bath with the blue oil when you get to your room. It helps with the muscle soreness, and don’t forget your healing tonic,” she calls to me as we go our separate ways, her into the city, and me, straight for a bath before getting some dinner.
My leathers are coated in dirt, and I push the loose hairs back from my forehead as I trudge through the throne room.
Lachlan materializes from the greenish shadow beside the throne and strides right for me.
I am not in the mood for this right now.
I clutch my sore stomach and make a beeline for the hallway.
“Lena,” his voice echoes across the empty throne room, and I halt but don’t turn towards him. I miss him desperately, but I don’t think I’m ready to face this yet.
“Lena, please, may I speak with ye?”
My head hangs, and I struggle to control my rising fury.
We are stuck here together until the magic returns from my presence or war erupts.
I need to figure out how to make peace with his presence.
Lachlan’s hand grazes under my elbow, and I slowly turn to face him.
His eyes are swimming with misery. The tattoos on his arms ripple when he flexes his hands into fists.
I realize now that when we were in the human realm, he never wore anything but long sleeves.
My brow furrows, and I study him closely for anything else I hadn’t noticed before.
I don’t understand how I ever assumed he was human. His size, strength, and unnaturally good looks, it was all so blatantly obvious.
“I am so sorry. I was ordered not to tell ye. But ye have to believe me, I wanted to more than anything.”
I purse my lips as my eyes narrow. Anger is rearing its ugly head again.
“I’m not ready to have this conversation with you,” I grit out.
He nods quickly. “I understand. I just needed to tell ye that I am so sorry, Key. I never wanted to hurt ye.”
The use of my nickname makes me snap my mouth shut. I ball my hands into fists at my side. The urge to punch his stupidly perfect face surges through me.
“Again,” I glare at him, “I am not ready to speak to you. And don’t fucking call me that.”
I turn on my heel and stalk from the throne room.
The sight of my door causes me to sigh deeply. My room, my sanctuary. I shut the door quietly behind me this time and take deep breaths, working to change my mindset like Mina taught me. But I also pick through my emotions like Torin showed me.
I am angry, but I don’t have to be.
I can accept this and move on. He will not disrupt my peace right now.
Slipping into the bathroom, I strip my boots off before turning on the tub.
The blue vial that Mina suggested is sitting on the marble ledge by the window, and I dump the entire thing into the bath.
The room immediately smells heavenly, and I inhale the chamomile scent.
A knock on my door startles me, and I lurch upright. I swear to the gods, if Lachlan followed me here, I really will punch him in the face. I throw open the door.
“What?” But I’m surprised to find Odessa standing there. “Oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else.”
Her expression is a mix of irritation and disgust. “Ah, I see,” she replies, a bit coldly, tugging at the neckline of her silver-blue gown. “I was hoping you and I could train together tomorrow, and wanted to ask if that’s something you would agree to?”
It’s phrased as a question, but it’s obvious she expects me to say yes. “Yeah, that would be great. Are you sure you’re not too busy?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “No, I’m curious to observe the progress of your training. There are rumors circulating that you are training with others.”
“Oh, umm, yes, a few people had offered, and I didn’t think there was any harm in it if I’m going to stay here, ya know?” I reply.
I do not understand why she seems upset. Isn’t that what she wanted from me? To stay here?
“So you have decided to stay with us even after magic restores?” She crosses her arms over her chest, and her eyebrow arches.
“I have given it some thought, and you were right. My responsibilities and duties lie here, and if there’s a chance I could bring stability to this realm, then I should honor my birthright,” I reply, steel in my veins.
But her reaction to this conversation is not at all what I expected.
“I see,” she replies curtly. “Well then, I will assess your training tomorrow, and from there, we can plan your official coronation.”
She turns on her heel and leaves me standing there with my brow furrowing.
What the heck was that about?
She threw me to the wolves by formally announcing me as the savior of the realm, and now that I’ve agreed, she’s offended? I didn’t even get a chance to ask her if traveling back and forth would be a possibility for me once the magic returns and I accept my new title.
But even as I think about it, Gran’s words to Lachlan circle through my mind: “Don’t come back.”