32. Christopher
Chapter thirty-two
Christopher
What the hell am I going to do? I feel like someone’s taken a silver knife and shoved it through my heart. Maria’s husband is back and she’s going to dump me for him, I know it.
I mean, why wouldn’t she? I’m the guy who killed and turned her. He’s Zinnia’s father and her best friend growing up.
And then there’s what he looks like. Dreadlocks to his shoulders, rich, deep brown eyes like Zinnia’s but with skin slightly darker, and broad, muscular shoulders that angle down to a slim waist and a perfect butt. The type of guy I’d hit on back in the day.
How could Maria’s husband be so attractive? It’s unfair.
And how can I compete with that and their history? Besides, I’m not worth loving.
Finished with decon, I rush to dress and then open the hallway door. Loud me-ows and chirps greet me.
“Wolfie!” I sweep the cat into my arms and bury my face in his belly fur. He’s large and heavy and healthy, and my bruised shoulder throbs from the weight, but I don’t care. He’s alive. He’s well. He’s my loyal feline friend.
I’m so grateful to the Lux for inventing regeneration wands that heal both animals and mortals. The technique regrows organs, skin, and muscle, and closes the wound with no scar. No recovery time is required, either.
Thank goodness they flashed him directly to the veterinary hospital. Not even the Lux can overcome death once it occurs, which is why I turned Maria—she would have died before they could heal her.
But with all their tech, can they mend my breaking heart?
Maria is still helping Zinnia and Lehm go through decon, so I have this moment alone. My tears wet Wolfie’s fur, and he objects vociferously to being the recipient of my feelings.
I set him on the floor, and he trots down the hallway to the refrigerator, where he sits regally, chirping and twittering.
Of course he wants to be fed.
“Come on, move out of the way.” I open the door of the fridge.
One of the cleanup team filled it. I slug back another pouch of vampire blood decorated with a red cross.
My shoulder twinges as healing continues.
Then I slice some cold cooked turkey for Wolfie and make dinner for Zinnia.
Who knows how long they denied her food?
When I hear Zinnia’s happy laugh, I glance up to see Lehm carrying her, Maria walking next to him holding his arm. They are the picture of a happy family.
I force back my tears. I’m the guy who avoided long-term relationships after Evelina dumped me. Maybe this is for the best…even though I’m the one who asked Maria to marry me.
My heart clenches, and I ignore the unwelcome feelings.
I fill a plate full with Zinna’s favorite foods. “Dinner’s ready. Are you hungry, munchkin?”
Lehm sets her down, and she runs to me. I kneel, and her arms wrap around my neck. “Thank you, Daddy Christopher. You make the best dinners.”
I’ll lose this, too.
I really struggle to hold it together then. But I can’t break down in front of the kiddo. She’s too young to understand what I’m going through. I kiss her cheek, then rise, picking her up and setting her in her chair. “Dinner is served.” I bow. “Anything else I can get you?”
She giggles and shakes her head.
Maria steps next to me and loops an arm around my back. “Zinnia, use your words.”
My gut grabs at her casual touch. Or is Maria’s affection a preamble to letting me down easy?
“No thank you, Daddy Christopher.” She takes a bite. “This is good. The people in the cave offered me food that smelled yucky. I didn’t eat any.”
My throat tightens. Did they do anything else to her before Lehm began looking after her?
Wolfie struts over and rubs against her leg.
“He’s okay?” Zinnia’s eyes widen. “He tried to protect me. The bad nightcrawlers hurt him.”
“I know.” I step away from Maria and stroke Zinnia’s head. “The doctors who treat animals fixed him up just fine.”
She beams at me. “Our whole family is okay!”
And that’s the moment I know I need to exit or I’ll lose it. “That’s right, munchkin.”
I glance over to Maria, then Lehm. “I’m sure you’ll want to get her cleaned up and into bed.
” I walk over to the pantry and open the doors.
As I suspected, the Lux replenished my stock of clone blood.
I grab three pouches. “Here.” I hand one each to Maria and Lehm.
“Help yourself to more if you need it. Tomorrow night I can trade goods with Tucson for donor blood.” I check my watch.
“Sunrise is in two hours.” I lean over and lift Wolfie into my arms, still holding on to the third bag.
“You two can sleep in the master bedroom. I’ll find a cot in the warehouse. ”
Then I whoosh out the tunnel doors carrying the cat and jog straight to the domestic animal dome.
At the sight of me, the clowder comes running, tails held high.
I should have brought treats. Lying on the ground, I drop the pouch of clone blood and curl up around Wolfie.
I’m sniffed, meowed at, and groomed, until they settle and cuddle against me.
The tears I’ve been holding back flow.
The comm buzzes in my ear. I roll onto my back and look at the virtual screen. Tig. Why is she calling? “Yes?”
“Don’t you think I have my hands full dealing with the renegades? I don’t need your family drama too.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Maria comm’d me. Says you made dinner for Zinnia and then disappeared.”
“Oh. She has her husband back. She doesn’t need me.”
The screen goes blank, and the next thing I know, Tig is standing over me and the cats scatter. “I see. Wallowing in your feels, are you?”
“Leave me alone.”
“What should I tell Maria?”
That I can’t face her, not with my heart breaking. “Tell her to enjoy having her husband back.”
Tig flicks her fingers nonchalantly. “You know, I could bring in the Butcher, let him clean out the whole Kartchner nest, then I’d have time to act as your therapist.”
I sit up. I don’t know exactly when I recommitted to the rehabilitation idea, but I know it’s a hard truth for me now. One that knocks me out of my sad spiral. “No you can’t. They deserve the same chance I got—at least the ones who weren’t directly involved in the kidnapping. No Butcher.”
She cocks her head to the side. “Why not? They kept enslaved mortals and fed off them.”
“You worked as a mercenary. So your hands are as dirty as theirs are.”
“Conceded. When I was turned, killing mortals to survive wasn’t considered immoral. But the world changes. Civilized vampires don’t keep blood slaves. Vampires turned pre-Collapse should have known better and taught the others.”
She’s right, but she’s also wrong. “Where did the mortals come from? I didn’t realize there were so many survivors outside of the domes.”
“There weren’t. According to the mortals we found in the caverns, the Phoenix dome expelled convicted criminals on the last day of each month—they didn’t have room to create prisons.
The date has something to do with their religious practices.
The renegades accidentally found the first one, who spilled the beans on the tradition.
After that, the renegades showed up like clockwork and captured any expelled mortals. ”
“Fuck.” But it makes sense. Tucson and Phoenix aren’t mixed domes.
So the Lux couldn’t stop the practice—they can’t enter mortal-only domes.
When they dropped the domes, the Lux Protectors thought it better if they couldn’t interfere with the internal social development, since they were short-staffed.
“Why wasn’t I told about the whole expulsion practice?
I could have rescued them before the renegades captured them. ”
“It didn’t happen that frequently, and you know how difficult it’s been to get the vampire council to face the renegade problem. But the Butcher could stake them all. Like I said, they should have known better.”
I rub a hand over my face as my anger cools, and rational thinking takes over.
“You think those vamps had room to figure out morality with their hunger driving them? People with regular meals, a roof over their heads, and a safe environment have room to consider the mortality of what they do. Starving people don’t.
Help them, give them a chance, and see how they act. ”
“Including your fiancée’s husband? The Butcher could take care of your problem.”
I growl. “No one touches Zinnia’s father.”
Tig clasps my shoulder. “Good to hear. I’m glad we had this chat. Gotta run.”
She disappears.
What the hell?
I lie back on the grass, and the cats close in again. I may not be as warm as a mortal, but I’m solid enough to curl up against. I stare up at the dome. The purple-pink of dawn hasn’t started yet, but the black of night has begun to fade to navy blue.
I should demand a flash device like she has. Then I could go wherever I want and escape whenever I want.
Through the bond, I can feel Maria’s emotions cascade, like viewing the sky through a multicolored kaleidoscope. Her relief at having Zinnia and Lehm back. Her concern. Her anxiety.
Is she afraid of hurting me? Too late for that.
I hear footsteps. “Tig, I don’t want to talk—”
“Wrong. Try again.”
Ari. What is he doing here? He was supposed to be on some assignment.
He flops onto the grass next to me. The cats scatter again. He crosses his legs, holds out his fingers, and sings, “Here kitty, kitty.”
A couple slowly sniff their way to him. He pulls one onto his lap—not Wolfie, who hasn’t left my side. I think Cornflower is the chosen one, purring loudly as he pets her. When he scratches under her chin, her contented rumble deepens.
“What would you think of enlarging your dome?”
“You Lux don’t have the resources—”
“Yes, we do.”
“How do you know that?”
He shrugs. “I hear things.”
I bet he does. “But why would you enlarge it?”
“To give you all room. What would you think of an en suite bedroom for each adult?” He picks up a stick and carves a floor plan in the grass. “We’d cut a new hallway off the existing one and add the two bedrooms, with a recording studio for you between them.”
“There’s no point. Maria and Lehm will leave for a mixed dome now, I’m sure. Zinnia deserves a normal childhood, not one isolated with vampires.”
“Maria’s your child, and you’d have to agree to let her go.”
“I would.”
Ari shrugs. “I doubt a mixed dome would accept a renegade. Lehm is going to need education and training.”
“But Zinnia deserves better—”
“We’re working on ways to give her more time at school in person. More time to socialize.”
“Fine. Let them stay here. But the Lux, the vampire council, the mortals—they’ll ultimately hold their trial and decide I broke the law by turning Maria. They’ll execute me. Let’s get it over with now. Put me out of my misery.”
Ari reaches over and squeezes my arm. “Dude, they aren’t gonna do anything.
The Lux Protectors already cast their veto vote.
They are taking responsibility for what happened to Maria and Zinnia.
If we hadn’t insisted on an inspection of the missile silos, you wouldn’t have interrupted their lives or made Maria your child. You aren’t going to be executed.”
My relief is brief. While I might have just been spared, I have nothing left to live for.
Now that I’ve known life with Maria and Zinnia, with a family, I can’t imagine anything else.
Even if they can’t physically leave me for a mixed dome, Maria is going to leave me in every other way.
Why would she stay with me when she has Lehm back?
I don’t know how to parent Zinnia. I’ve messed up so often.
And my presence will only disrupt life with her true family.
I’ll just drag them down. Exactly as my dad told me I did to him, exactly as I saw happen to my mother despite her attempts to hide it.
It’s not kids who are the burden. It’s just me. I’m not worthy.
“Thanks, Ari. Tell the Protectors I appreciate it.” Sighing, I roll my face in my hands, wiping the tears.
“In that case, I want to break my contract. Send me to another dome. Right now. Get me away from them.” I cover my face with my hands.
“Being abandoned… I—I can’t stay here after she breaks our engagement. ”