40. Christopher
Chapter forty
Christopher
After I finish trading three pouches of alcohol-infused clone blood for Zinnia’s ring, Diego motions for me to join him by some empty, rotted tables about a hundred feet away from everyone else.
The hair on the back of my neck stands up. Either this is an ambush, or he wants to speak privately about Lehm. I rest my palm on my holstered gun, just in case.
“No need for that, my friend. I just want to talk.” He extends his empty hand.
Even though it means removing my hand from my firearm, I accept his offer to shake and keep my tone casual. “How’s the dome working out?”
“Good. The mortals who decided to stay are enjoying the temperate climate and debating building homes inside the dome but outside the caverns.”
“I hope it works out well for you…and them.”
“Me too.” He grips my shoulder. “But that is not what we needed to speak about. You’re not taking care of my child, my friend.”
“Yes, I am.”
Diego frowns. “Lehm is hungry.”
My anger spikes. “No, he isn’t. He receives plenty of blood.”
“That’s not the hunger I’m talking about. I can still feel his unsatisfied desire through the bond.”
I growl, focusing on the fact that he’s misusing the bond. “If you’re tugging on him to return, I’ll—”
“No, my friend, I’ve kept our deal. But you’re leaving him hungry. You need to keep your end of the bargain. Take care of my child. Find a way to give him what he needs or take him somewhere he can find it.”
“How—”
“I don’t care how. Just take care of my child as you said you would.”
I huff and march off. Even once the maker-child bond fades with time, there’s a special connection that never dies. Diego will always sense Lehm’s needs. If I reached out, I could still sense my maker. But I don’t. I have no desire to find the manager who betrayed me and my first band.
I scratch the back of my head. Maria, Zinnia, and Lehm look like the perfect family at a western bazaar. Against a background of desert wilderness, the heat a little less stifling tonight, they peruse the items for sale and explain to the munchkin what each item is.
Love for them all grabs my heart.
My family. My found family.
I don’t want to lose them. But if Lehm’s dissatisfaction is so intense that Diego can feel it, what am I to do?
After we return home and Zinnia is bedded down, Lehm heads to the bedroom the Lux built for him.
I got Ari to speed up the timetable for building the extra rooms. My recording studio is next door to his room, and a spare bedroom is on the other side.
I haven’t used the spare bedroom because Maria is mine, and I’m sleeping with her.
She joins me on the couch in the living area, where I’ve been quietly strumming my acoustic guitar. Taking my hand, she leans over and kisses me. “What’s bothering you?”
“Diego thinks Lehm is unhappy. Now that Zinnia’s asleep, do you mind if I go talk with Lehm? Alone?”
“Of course not.” She kisses me again. “You know my opinion already. If you two get together, then Lehm won’t feel like he has to leave when Zinnia grows up. I don’t want to lose my best friend. But I also don’t want to force you into a relationship on my account.”
It’s been oddly comforting to know she’d support a throuple. I’m just not sure that’s what I want. And more importantly, I’m not sure I’m worthy of such trust and love. “Thanks.”
“I just think you two are being silly. You’re interested in each other. I can tell.”
I already know I’m attracted to Lehm—but that’s not enough of a foundation to build a throuple on. “Physically, maybe. But if something goes wrong—if we don’t fall in love or it’s one-sided—it could explode our situation. Why mess with that?”
She caresses my cheek, turning me to face her. “I trust you both not to let anything hurt our family.”
I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Most women I dated who knew I was bisexual were afraid I’d leave them for a man.
Never did they suggest a throuple…even though Maria and Lehm wouldn’t be sexual with each other.
They had enough sex together to conceive Zinnia.
But from how they talk about their marital experience, and how Lehm has made it clear he’s only attracted to men, I know they don’t want to renew their sexual intimacy.
But I’ve seen them together. They’re emotionally intimate. They care about each other. They constantly do thoughtful things to make the other feel happy.
And somehow, my possessiveness has relaxed enough to make room for their closeness. Or maybe I’m not threatened by it. I don’t feel like Lehm will take Maria away from me. And she doesn’t worry that Lehm will take me away from her.
“Okay. I’ll see you later.”
I squeeze her hand, set the guitar aside, and head for Lehm’s room. The door is ajar, and knocking opens it farther. He’s stretched out on the bed, propped on pillows, watching a virtual screen. “Got a moment to talk?” I ask.
“Did Maria send you?”
“Ah, no. Mind if I sit?”
“Go ahead.” He stops the video he’s watching.
An old movie I recognize. I pull up a chair near the bed. “Look, Diego tells me you’re dissatisfied with our arrangement.”
Lehm runs a hand over his face. “This is so embarrassing. I guess Diego doesn’t understand why we aren’t lovers yet.”
“You’re gonna have to explain that one.”
“His worldview is simple. You took me away from him because he thought you wanted me. He can’t imagine I’d want to be here because Zinnia and Maria are here.”
“Oh. So you aren’t interested in me?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So you are interested in me?”
“Can’t you tell?”
“Yeah, I can.”
Lehm takes my hand. Firm. Strong. Gentle.
I think of other things that hand could hold, and heat runs down my spine. It’s time I stop running away from what I want and start fighting for it instead. A family. A family I can love and take care of and be responsible for.
I lower my gaze, feeling awkward. “What would you say to spending more time together? Just you and me. I thought we could start tomorrow night with my recording studio. You haven’t spent much time there.”
Lehm purses his lips. “Tomorrow is my night with Zinnia.”
“After Maria and I scavenge, and you put Zinnia to bed, we’ll still have a few hours to hang out.”
He nods. “Deal.”
Have I just asked him out on my version of a postapocalyptic date?
I return to the master bedroom, and Maria is in bed reading. I fling myself onto her. “Thank you,” I say as I roll over, bringing her on top. One kiss leads to another, which leads to other fun things.
The next night, while I scavenge, I plan my first date with Lehm. I want something safe—something I can back out from easily if our situation grows uncomfortable. Introducing him to different genres of music seems safe enough. I want to know what kind he likes—find out if our tastes overlap.
After Maria and I return, I shower off the decon, then find her in the living area. “Is Zinnia asleep?”
“Yes. Lehm took care of story-reading duty.”
“Great.”
She removes a book from the shelves and heads into the master bedroom. “I’m going to shower off the decon. Then I’ll be reading if either of you need me.”
She winks at me.
I love how big her heart is.
Lehm is standing by the studio door, waiting for me, rubbing the back of his neck.
I open the door and gesture for him to go in ahead of me. “Welcome to Wine Dark Night’s studio.”
Wait until my bandmates hear I have a fiancée, a stepchild, and…whatever Lehm is. Co-daddy?
The Lux contractors helped us move the acoustic paneling from Zinnia’s room to my new studio.
It would probably have been easier to move her bedroom furniture to the new room, but I didn’t want to uproot the munchkin.
She’s been through enough disruption and trauma already…
she didn’t need any more. Once the studio walls were finished, we unpacked my soundboard, microphones, and other musical equipment, and voilà—I have my studio back.
Lehm settles onto the small couch located at the back of the studio. In the old days, a record executive or producer might relax on that couch while listening to the recording session.
Now, it’s a seat for my family anytime they want a mini-performance from me or want to listen when I feel inspired enough to record a new song.
I hand Lehm the headphones so we don’t disturb Zinnia. Wolfie sniffs around, realizes he isn’t the center of attention, and trots to her room. He’s taken to sleeping with Zinnia since the kidnapping.
With the headphones connected wirelessly to my music server, I play a blind sampling of different genres. He holds a tablet and, using a stylus, rates each song.
When the series of songs finish, he taps the stylus by one title. “I liked this one best.”
“Mine came out on top?” I side-eye him. “Are you sure?”
“I like the sound of your voice.”
“Crap. You could tell it was me.”
He takes my hand and squeezes. “Why does that matter?”
I slump back on the couch. “Because I want to know your likes and dislikes.”
He turns to face me. “Well, I like you.”
Adrenaline floods my bloodstream at the look on his face, and panic spikes through me. I know the whole idea was mine, but I jump to my feet, ready to flee somewhere—outside to hang with the clowder or to the master bedroom to be with Maria. Either will settle my nerves.
Then Lehm grips my arm and pulls me down onto his lap. “Wait. Just wait.”
I can feel his erection press against my bottom. Desire chokes me.
Not helping.
My pulse ratchets higher.
Then he strokes my back. “It’s okay. Relax. Take a deep breath.”
I have to give credit where credit is due. Whatever else Diego was…he imbued Lehm with a confidence I didn’t have after my first relationship with a man. A confidence I finally learned that now threatens to desert me when I so desperately need it.
I cough, then inhale, and screw up all the courage I can. “Okay. You like me. But do you think you can love me?”