41. Lehm
Chapter forty-one
Lehm
I’ve had love without passion, and passion without love. Now I want both together.
After Chris plops onto my lap, I wrap myself around him to keep him from falling off. Heat rises to my face when he asks his question.
I didn’t intend to trap him in this position, but now that I have him here, we’re going to talk this out. “I’d probably have a better chance if you didn’t always keep me at arm’s length.”
“I, uh”—still on my lap, Chris shifts sideways to face me—“I don’t mean to.”
He blushes, and it’s much more visible on him than on me.
“Look,” I say, “my experience with Diego wasn’t romantic. He volunteered to change me to keep the nest from killing me. Afterward, he introduced me to what I was missing. But it was just”—I cock my head to one side, trying to figure out the precise words to describe what we had—“mutual pleasure?”
Chris chuckles. “That sounds right. Been there, done that.”
“I want something…deeper.” I brush his red-streaked black hair out of his eyes. “Some of the vamps had mortals they loved. You could tell the difference.”
“And you think we could have that?”
“I think we could try.”
“You’re not asking because Maria wants us all together, right?”
“No.” I avert my eyes. “From the moment I first saw you, I felt something. And it’s only gotten stronger the longer I’m with you.”
Chris uses one finger to tilt my head until our eyes meet again. “I feel something for you, too. Something that might be more than just attraction. I just… It feels complicated.”
“The situation is a bit messed up.” I smile softly.
“You and Maria are engaged…you thought my arrival meant I’d take her away from you…
and once we got all that straightened out, we were attracted to each other, but you said you didn’t want to act on it and I didn’t want to do anything that might interfere. ”
“I didn’t want to act on it then.” Chris harrumphs. “I never would have said anything if Maria wasn’t so agreeable with the idea of a throuple. But now…”
“Chris, just spit it out. I wouldn’t have said anything if you hadn’t asked about Diego. Even though the way you look at me already gives away your feelings.”
The blush on Chris’s face deepens. “What looks?”
“Like you’re a starving vampire and I’m a sack of blood.”
“You’re not too far from the truth,” he admits. “But I need to take this slow. I don’t want to mess up what we have here. You and Maria have experience with long-term relationships that I don’t.”
I nod, liking that we’re aligned about protecting our family. I caress my thumb over his warm, still-blushing cheek. “May I kiss you?”
He wraps his hand around the back of my head.
His touch is electric—the anticipation delicious.
Slowly, he pulls us closer together. The feel of his lips on mine sends a zing to my cock. Then his lips part, and he doesn’t hold back. The passion in the way he takes charge has me ready to strip naked.
When we break from the kiss, I stare into his eyes. “What do you think?”
“What?” He sounds drugged, like there’s no blood left in his brain to figure out what I meant.
“Was the kiss my idea, or Maria’s?” I ask.
“Oh, all yours,” Chris says with a smile. “I don’t think you can fake that.”
“Good answer.”
He smiles. “We should go on a real date.”
“A what?”
“A night where we do things together. Just the two of us.”
My brow furrows. “Like now?”
He laughs. “Sort of. We should get out into the ark. Walk under the stars. Talk. I rushed into a relationship with Maria…but now things are complicated and I want to take our time. Get to know each other. Make sure this is right for both of us.”
I’m a little confused, but I nod anyway.
So, after that kiss, we make a point of spending more dedicated time alone together. Chris starts me on riding lessons. A horse, not him.
My introduction to the big brutes is almost comical. “You’re serious? We ride that?”
He laughs. “They’re tame enough. I’ll saddle one of the milder mares and show you how to mount using a western saddle.”
My face heats. The image of mounting that floats through my mind involves Chris.
He leads a beige-colored beast from the barn. I’ve only seen horses in Zinnia’s picture books. I had no clue how huge they are.
Once he secures the gear—a saddle and halter—he explains what each part is called, then demonstrates how to climb on the big beast. I should be paying attention to how he got on the horse.
But I love the way the jeans hug his butt, the shape of his long legs, and the cut of his back muscles visible through the thin t-shirt he wears.
That’s all I see when I watch him swing up and adjust himself in the saddle.
Chris dismounts. “Okay, time for you to get on. Just like I showed you.”
I lift a foot into the stirrup, shift my weight, and promptly slip out, falling backward.
I’m not what you’d call a natural rider. The horse blithely turns to see what all the fuss is about and, unimpressed, returns to looking bored.
Squelching a laugh, Chris runs to my side. “Are you okay?”
I dust my hands off. “I’d say my dignity is more damaged than I am.”
He helps me to my feet. “Here, let me show you again.”
I watch carefully this time, still unsure whether this is a good idea for a date.
When he dismounts, I brush the dirt off my jeans and try. This time goes a little smoother.
Chris checks each stirrup to ensure my feet are properly seated. “Okay. Now take the reins.”
I’m gripping the saddle horn to keep from falling. Releasing it is taking more courage than I have at the moment.
“You’re fine. You’re not going to fall again. Release the horn and gently lift the reins.”
“Like this?”
He adjusts my hands. “Old Lexi is a very patient horse. I started Maria on her, and she did just fine. I’m going to walk Lexi around the corral. Just relax. See what it feels like to ride.”
Yup, my face warms again.
Chris uses a leather lead, and Lexi follows him, walking slowly. Watching him, I start to relax.
He’s a patient teacher. I’ve noticed the same trait when he helps Zinnia with her homework.
Just one more reason to appreciate this man.
The gentle way he leads the horse, knowing this is the same way he taught Maria, warms my heart.
He treats my best friend well, and his love for her is displayed in everything he does.
Already, my feelings are deepening. What I don’t know is whether Chris feels like I do or if he’s still as uncertain about moving forward as he was before.