Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
If Charlotte spent more time at this window, there was a distinct possibility that a servant would dust her off during their daily cleaning rituals.
Turning her head, she moved toward the desk, running her fingers on the marriage certificate Perry had dropped there in a hurry, eager to get to Bodmin to clear up the mystery.
Her chest ached with an unfamiliar sensation. Worry for her husband.
What if the person who had taken a bullet to Perry was hiding at the neighboring estate? What if the only reason he was safe was because he had been hiding at Fermoy with her?
His departure meant a new source of worry for Charlotte. They were married, and yet, very little had changed. She still spent her mornings tending to her daughter’s education and her afternoons working in the garden or devouring the latest book her parents had sent.
Tea in the afternoon. Evenings in the withdrawing room or reading a book by the fire in the library with Aurelia.
Every day on repeat.
She was still grappling with the extent to which her comfort within those daily routines had been disrupted by Peregrine.
Rubbing her forearms to dispel a sudden chill, Charlotte released a slow breath.
Once Perry returned, life would establish a new rhythm.
Her parents would be delighted at her sudden change in status.
Society? Most likely, they would watch her as a curious animal newly introduced to the Queen’s menagerie.
Frightened, wary, and afraid to approach, lest the stain of scandal seep into their own lives.
Either way, the ink was immovable.
It had dried on this very official paper.
Her future was set, yet she was overcome with a sense of loss.
Her prior goals had been simple: Work in the gardens, plan meals, maintain the estate, and care for her child. Small goals for a small life. What would her goals be now, as a wife? Similar, yet different.
In fact, a wife had very clear ambitions. Create a perfect image of the family within the confines of society. See to the servants and the rearing of children.
Children.
Something fluttered to life in her abdomen, and she pressed a hand to quell the sensation. With marriage came children.
There was Aurelia, of course, but the possibility of more little ones became a reality.
Though Perry’s reluctance to make her his wife in all ways gave her pause.
Theirs was a marriage of convenience.
His refusal to consummate their newfound marital status presented the possibility that theirs would never be a marriage in the fullest sense. Well, that would suit Charlotte perfectly.
Right?
What was that niggling sense of disappointment that tugged at her heart?
He had cared for her once, as she had him. Truthfully, she had loved him with every breath in her body.
Those feelings never completely disappeared.
They were suppressed, carefully compartmentalized into a box where she would not have to remember the joys she had tasted within his arms.
Time had passed. He had married another. The love she held for him became something to be avoided than savored. Their passion was a painful memory, not a soothing balm. She would rather ignore its existence than taste the bitterness of the loss once again.
Huffing a breath, she returned to the window, searching for something, possibly the return of her husband, though she would never admit it.
As a bride, she was considerably lucky. Lord Winchester was sinfully handsome, even in his current recovering state.
He made her heart race painfully when he entered the room, as though her body expected…
something. There was nothing to be done for it.
Charlotte would have to work hard to keep her feelings tucked away in that box she had long ago stuffed them in.
It was the only way to prevent being hurt once more.
The creak of the door behind her startled her from her reverie. Charlotte turned, her heart lodging itself in her throat. She gathered her courage.
“Perry? You have returned sooner than I expected.” She stroked her palm along the back of her neck.
His face grim, he nodded. “Rather than solve the mystery of my shooting, I am disappointed to reveal that we have only increased the danger. Beau and I found a maid, strangled to death at Bodmin. I suspect the blackguard who shot me has escaped and left another victim in his wake.”
Gasping, Charlotte placed a hand to her chest. “What will happen now?”
Perry gave his head a shake. “After much discussion with the duke, we have decided to take you and Aurelia from Fermoy sooner than expected. It isn’t safe anymore.”
Charlotte’s brow furrowed as she searched his intense blue eyes.
He must care for them if he wanted to keep them safe.
No.
Aurelia was his primary concern. Charlotte was merely here to see to their daughter’s comfort. That made more sense.
“I… I’m not ready.”
Closing the distance between them, Perry moved to gather her in his arms. Brushing his thumb against the side of her shoulder, he tilted his head and peered into her eyes.
“Perhaps, we will never be ready, but forward is the only direction in which we can travel. Removing you and Aurelia from danger is my priority.”
Her heart lifted at his thoughtfulness. What a change it was to have someone protecting them. She and Aurelia now had all the Spencers looking out for them and supporting their entry into society. That meant so much to her after years of isolation and loneliness.
Giving a silent nod, she closed her eyes, then looked away. It took everything she had to ignore the faint fluttering within when he brushed his thumb carelessly across the fabric covering her arm.
Her breath caught as she watched the movement.
Perry retreated, as though worried he might have causes her discomfort.
The sense of loss that filled her was devastating. Hugging herself, she brushed away the memory of the sensation.
“I will inform the servants of our departure first thing tomorrow, then we shall visit Aurelia together to explain this sudden change. I would not have her distressed.”
Charlotte watched as he turned on his heel and left the room on his mission. It was reassuring to have someone watching out for her—them—with such care and concern. There was a great danger that she would once again fall into the perils of love.
This time, she was unsure how she would get out.
Charlotte turned to the only distraction she knew would give her some semblance of peace. She would visit her garden, then plan for their departure. Ignoring the ache in her chest at the idea of leaving everything she had known, Charlotte took a step forward, embarking on this new mission.
It was time to say goodbye to Fermoy. All the comforts, the familiarity, and the routines she had wrapped around herself to ease the pain of the loss she had suffered would be left in the past.
Regardless of how ill-prepared she was, the future was calling.
It was time to say hello to a new beginning that frightened her more than anything.