Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
With his head resting on his good arm, Perry lay in his bed, eyes wide open. Blast his insomnia. His body was exhausted by his tiring day, and his mind reeled with thoughts of Mary, Charlotte, and Aurelia. It was as though he spent his entire life showing up too late.
He missed the birth of his first child and the agony tore through his chest at how many years he could have spent growing closer to Aurelia.
He arrived at Bodmin too late to save Mary. If only he had been well enough to investigate sooner. Perhaps he would have been able to prevent her murder.
And Charlotte…
Where to begin in his analysis of his feelings for the woman?
His body craved her like a drug in those years they had been apart. Considering her out of his reach was comforting at the time, since the possibility of her belonging to someone else was torturous. His father convinced him she was dead. Completely beyond his grasp.
It had never occurred to him that she was alone, languishing in the country, and paying the consequences for his actions.
It grieved him that the price of their love had been her freedom.
She lost her ability to be a part of society and live the grand life she deserved.
Though Charlotte seemed content with her life in the country, there must be a part of her that resented him.
He had freely married another. The gossip columns celebrated the match, painting a portrait of a happy couple that couldn’t be further from the truth for him and Eliza.
It was just a punishment that Charlotte wouldn’t give herself to him the way she did in the past. He wasn’t even worthy of her love back then…
Now? It was breathtaking to burn for something he possessed yet have it so far out of his reach. His wife was resigned to subjecting herself to his attentions on their wedding night.
The thought of her submitting to him was thoroughly unappealing.
As though he was an obligation, a duty.
It was a pattern of life he knew well.
Especially having had a taste of Charlotte when she was willing and giving herself to him with such wild abandon.
Gone were the easy smiles and soft blushes of their youth.
The eager touches and heated glances. Time had made her wary and untrusting.
Afraid of him, even. Or more likely, resentful of the changes he was bringing on so quickly.
I… I’m not ready.
Her words cut him to the quick and he turned over in bed, wondering what it would be like to have her next to him. Absently, he reached a hand to touch the place where she would rest her head.
With Eliza, sharing the same bed for more than the necessary time to fulfill their marital responsibilities was unfathomable.
How she trembled with fear beneath him and turned quietly when the deed was done.
There was no warmth or heat. No slick body waiting to welcome him as Charlotte’s once had.
That was the difference between a secret affair and a marriage, Perry assumed. That was the norm in society.
Men often bragged about their mistresses at the club.
Rarely did they ever speak fondly of their wives.
With a frustrated groan, Perry despaired of ever feeling that sweet sensation again.
Would Charlotte tremble beneath him if he crossed that line, taking what she so freely offered?
Would her sighs be soft and sincere? Would she melt as she once had?
Her body carried new curves that fit perfectly in his palms, which he would love to caress slowly and explore tenderly.
He dreamed of discovering exactly what would make her gasp and moan now.
Having a child made her body more luscious. More tempting.
He swiped his tongue over his lips with a groan.
His body reacted immediately to the fantasy.
God, what a pleasure it had been to have her as she lay under him, the protection of the lush garden maze at Fermoy sheltering their deepest secrets.
That had been a rather quick coupling, a lifting of skirts and a groping mess.
A hot and heady release. What would it be like to have his way with Charlotte in a downy bed, the crisp linens brushing against their skin as they melded their naked bodies together?
Slowly exploring each inch of her body, savoring each touch, each kiss as though they had the rest of their lives to take in the pleasure.
It seemed like an impossible dream as he lay in bed longing for that which he already possessed.
She was within his reach, yet completely walled off, far away.
Scowling in the darkness at the effect her nearness was having on his imagination, he curled his fist tight. He was a man just out of convalescence and yet his cock was acting like he was fully recovered.
How embarrassing.
Perhaps his proximity to his wife was going to be a problem.
A good problem, really.
It may take some time, but he would do everything in his power to soften her gaze toward him.
To erase the years of pain and loneliness they had both shared without knowing it, and replace them with moments of…
happiness? Could they be happy together once again?
Well, his body could certainly be happy with her, but winning her over wouldn’t be that easy.
Perry resigned to give her the space and the time to warm toward him, even if it meant his own suffering. It was the only way he would truly be satisfied by seizing that which he wanted so desperately. If he was lucky, it wouldn’t take that long.
Her demeanor may be fearful, but her lips still responded to his in such a way that revealed her body wasn’t totally immune to his advances.
When they shared their first kiss as husband and wife, she heated beneath him.
Her body betrayed that which her tempting mouth would never speak.
He would use this to his absolute advantage.
After all, love was as much enabled by desire as it was by yearning.
Their years of longing were very much due to come to an end.
They both had an emptiness that might be healed, should they find a way to fulfill each other.
He could hardly expect to spend another ten years lusting after his wife when she was there for the taking.
And if he managed to cross that breach between them, there was a possibility that they could attain so much more together than they ever had apart.
In his heart, a tender possibility sprouted that he had never considered. He would do everything in his power to see the dream become a reality.
A happy, fulfilling life with his countess. A long one, if he managed to catch the bounder that had set his sights on killing him.
A loving family of his own, with Aurelia and perhaps other children?
Releasing a breath heavy with longing, Perry closed his eyes and savored the possibility.
A future with Charlotte could be bright if they could remove the walls that blocked out the light. Hope flickered within him. A desire to want more than he had been given.
Now, if he could find a way to slake his immediate lust for his wife, perhaps he would sleep a wink this night.