Chapter 10
Ricochet
“You look like shit,” I called out as Hellfire made his way up the driveway.
Kit was walking beside him and she shook her head and gave me a sharp look. I gave her a wide smile as Hellfire flipped me off.
“Fuck off, I could say the same to you,” he muttered as he flopped into one of the deck chairs. “I got shot. What’s your fucking excuse, Princess?”
“I can feel the love around this place,” Kit said with a snort. “No wonder he’s been hounding me about coming to see you.”
Hellfire shot her a quick look and Kit zipped her lips. They tried never to talk about being worried about me in front of me. I knew they always were.
“I’ll leave you two to it,” she told us, starting to turn.
“Hi.”
She looked over her shoulder at my sister, who had appeared and was now standing in the doorway to her house. “Hey.”
“Gwen, this is my friend Kit. She’s Smokehouse’s sister. Kit, this is my sister, Gwen.”
“Heard a lot about you,” Kit told Gwen with a smile. She spun around and shook the hand my sister was holding out.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Gwen replied. “Hi, Hell.”
“Hey, Gorgeous,” Hellfire told her. “I’d get up but…”
“Gage told me you’d been shot,” Gwen said with a frown. She went over and fussed over Hell for a minute before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You need to be more careful.”
Gwen knew most of what we got up to as a crew.
I didn’t hide much from my twin, but I also knew she’d take the information I told her to the grave.
I never gave specifics, just honestly told her when there was a shoot-out, and when we helped people.
When I’d first told her I was joining a motorcycle club, she’d tried to talk me out of it.
It took a few tries before I was able to explain to her that I needed to be a part of something more.
The military had instilled that into me.
I had to be a part of a group. These men were more than just club members to me.
They were my brothers. Sometimes I got the feeling she still didn’t totally get it, but she’d worked past the worry and understood.
At least enough to leave me be about the dangerous situations we found ourselves in.
“I will,” he promised in a solemn tone.
Gwen looked back over at Kit. “If you wanted to stick around, I was about to go hang out with my friend.” She pointed over to Jordan’s house.
I sat up a bit straighter, glancing over, trying to catch a glimpse of the elusive beauty.
I hadn’t seen Jordan in a few weeks, not since I’d kissed her and later jerked off to the thought of her in my shower.
It wasn’t hard to see that she was avoiding me.
I was going to have to do something to fix that.
Couldn’t have my sunshine slipping away, leaving me to my cold, dreary existence.
“I’d love that,” Kit told her. “You girls would be way more fun than these two.” She stuck her tongue out at me, but she squeezed my forearm as she walked by.
Kit was Smokehouse's sister, and they came together as a set.
The MC knew that. They were a lot like Gwen and me, only not twins.
Kit was twenty-eight, and drop-dead beautiful.
He may only have two years on her, but he was the typical older brother.
Smokehouse had pounded more than one face in when too many bikers had paid attention to his sister.
Any man that wanted to date her would likely have to fight Smokehouse, repeatedly, for the honor.
Stretching my legs out, I watched as the girls walked over to Jordan’s place. My eyes narrowed as the door opened and the object of my every fucking fantasy stepped out onto her porch to meet Kit. Everything brightened for a brief moment.
“Smoke wasn’t kidding,” Hell commented. There was amusement etched on his face. “You seriously found yourself a girl way out here.”
It was true enough, though I wasn’t sure Jordan understood where my head was at yet. How could she when I barely understood it myself? I grunted in response to Hellfire’s observation.
“Shit.” There was disbelief in the word. “Never thought you were going to find anyone you were interested in. You stick to yourself too much.”
“You’re one to talk,” I shot back. I wasn’t watching the girls anymore. Instead, I was focused on my friend. His dark brown eyes were latched onto the women. One side of my lips quirked up. I knew his secret. One that no one else did.
“You really do look like shit,” he said, changing the subject. He turned away from the three women and focused on me.
I chuckled. “You’re the one who was shot,” I reminded him, giving him back the excuse he’d thrown at me only a few minutes ago. The fact that there wasn’t any judgment coming from him had guilt pinging through me. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, Ricochet.”
Looking down at the decking, I frowned. “I’m so damn sorry I didn’t…take those shooters out before you were hit.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
Glaring up at him, I sat up, leaning forward. “The fuck it wasn’t.”
“It was a battle, Brother,” he said, shaking his head. “We all knew what we were getting into when we went. Knew the potential risks.”
“But I hesitated. I froze.” It didn’t matter that I’d had a good fucking reason.
If anyone knew that a kid was just as able and willing to kill in a war like that, it was me.
Still, I’d seen that ten-year-old boy and I’d frozen up as everything from before, with Jack, had come rushing back.
In the end, I’d done what I needed to, but not before Hell had been injured.
The guilt from knowing that I was the reason he’d been shot was eating me alive.
The man was built like a fucking bull. He was massive.
Seeing him lying on a cot at Crash Cart’s place had nearly made my knees buckle.
Seeing Crash cut into him to get the lead out had one dire consequence after another flooding my mind.
I could have lost one of my best friends.
One of my brothers. In order to save him, I’d killed another kid and it’d shoved what was left of the tattered remains of my soul even deeper into the abyss.
A loud boom sounded nearby and suddenly I was caught in the grips of my memories. Gunfire rang out. My hands started to shake as my mouth went dry. I closed my eyes, lights flashing behind my lids as shouting filled my mind.
“Hey.”
The vision of two young kids, lying side by side in the dirt, vanished. I blinked, trying to figure out where they’d gone. Where I was. It took me a minute to realize that Hell was crouched down next to me, his hand on my shoulder, his injured shoulder in a sling.
“It’s fine. Ricochet. It was just a car backfiring,” he growled, trying to get my attention. To pull me out of the flashback.
“You’re not supposed to be moving around that much,” I gritted out through clenched teeth as the fear and doubt slashed at me.
This was why I didn’t like talking about what happened.
It had the potential to bring me right back to either of the events where I’d been the one to end two young lives.
Of the fact that I’d lost one best friend years ago, and had nearly lost another.
It was bad enough I relived both fights each night in my dreams. I didn’t need this shit while I was awake, too.
“It’ll give Kit something to yell at me about on the drive home,” he said, shrugging his behemoth shoulders.
A wince pulled at his mouth after he made the move.
He’d forgotten for a moment about his injury.
Blowing out a breath to ease the pain, he turned his attention back onto me. “You with me?” His eyes searched mine.
“Give me a minute.” I looked over to Jordan's house, I could see her laughing, through the window, with Kit and Gwen. I locked onto her smile and slowly all the anxiety started to drain out. It felt like water rolling off my body, a tidal wave emptying out. I wasn’t sure why she affected me this way, but I wasn’t complaining.
My heart was slowing in my chest, my palms had stopped sweating.
I knew I had to be careful. Once I had a flashback the threat of another was much more likely.
Hellfire nodded and backed off. He went back to his chair, but he was watching me like a hawk. Out of everyone, he was always the one who knew when a fucking attack was looming down on me. I wasn’t sure how he always knew, but he always spotted it first. He always seemed to know what I needed.
Most people thought he was this quiet, brooding guy.
He was if he didn’t know you. What you’d find out if you took the time to get to know him is he was funny as fuck.
He was always joking around, playing pranks, and he was the first to laugh in any situation where he was comfortable.
You’d also come to realize how fucking dangerous he was, but that was usually if you and he weren’t friendly.
I was lucky enough to call him a friend and brother.
I kept my focus on Jordan. Shaking my head to clear what was left, I was able to escape the grip of the memories.
I unclenched my fingers one by one. My muscles began to relax.
The shaking was what always pissed me off to no end.
Such a weak fucking response, yet every time I wound up trembling like a fucking newborn baby lamb.
“This shit doesn’t get fixed overnight.”
I glared at Hellfire, trying to swallow back my anger. It was mostly directed at myself, but if he was going to insert himself into my issues he could bear the brunt a bit as well. “The fuck you know about it?”
“Nothing,” he admitted. “But I’ve watched you struggle with this for years. You know what else I’ve learned?”
Rolling my eyes, I muttered, “Like I can stop you from telling me?”
“Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. How long you going to keep trying the same thing over and over again? Didn’t someone say that was the definition of insanity?” He tilted his head as he thought about it. “Einstein or some other egghead.”
I frowned at him, surprise prompting the reaction. “I would’ve never pegged you for a guy who knew something Einstein said.”
“I know shit.” He chuckled and leaned back in the chair once again.
He was relaxing because I was. There’d been more than once I’d come out of an attack with his bulk crushing me into the ground.
Somewhere along the line he’d appointed himself as my guardian, protecting me from myself.
Didn’t matter how much I’d told him to fuck off, he’d stuck around.
Him and Smoke. Someday I would make it up to them. Thank them properly.
“So what’s up with your girl?”
Sighing, I didn’t bother to deny it. There wasn’t much I kept from Hellfire and Smokehouse. Plus, it kept my mind off what had happened to him and what I’d done. “She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s going to be my old lady.”
He barked out a laugh. “You fucking move fast.”
Shrugging, I smirked over at him. “Just know what I want when I see it.”
“What’s the plan?”
“Haven’t figured it out yet,” I admitted. “She’s avoiding me.”
“Probably waiting for you to make a move,” he suggested.
“How do I make a move if she holes up inside her home?” My brows drew together as he grinned at me.
“Gotta go where she is. Kick the door down, chicks dig that.”
My brows shot up. “You telling me to break into her home? Pretty sure that’s not going to make her want to trust me.”
He chuckled. “You’re probably right. But what the fuck? If she’s going to be your old lady she’s going to have to get used to the way we do things.”
I shook my head, but couldn’t help the laugh that rumbled out of my chest. The look on his face made me pause. “What?”
“Just haven’t seen you smile or laugh this much in… Ever.”
“Used to all the time,” I told him with a sigh. The year after I joined the military my sister begged me to end my contract. She had no idea what she was asking or that it wasn’t possible, just that I was changing.
The military had made me into a man. It’d taken a young, arrogant kid and spit out a dangerous, arrogant man.
I’d be forever grateful for the time I spent serving our country.
But all Gwen had been able to see at the time—and for a long while afterward—was the way I’d changed.
It hadn’t really been a problem until that one mission.
The sound of engines revving caught our attention and I was grateful to see a few more of my brothers rolling up on motorcycles. We watched as Smokehouse, Butcher, and Toxic parked and walked up the drive.
“Figured you hadn’t found anything to do yet and were still bored out of your mind!” Smoke called out as they approached.
I stood and exchanged a back slapping hug with the other two. “Not a lot to do,” I admitted. “You all want a beer?”
“Absolutely,” Butcher said.
“Dragged us out to the middle of the damn desert,” Toxic replied, “least we could do is drink your fridge dry.”
I should have been happy to see them, excited to have them around. But something was off. It was getting darker, not from cloud cover or sunset. The tunnel vision was coming in. I’d thought I’d shaken off the flashback, but these things had a way of invading my mind when I least expected it.
My footsteps faltered as his words hit me.
Middle of the desert. Grabbing onto the door jamb, I took a deep breath as my vision wavered.
Fuck. Not again. Everything was too fresh.
I’d had vicious flashbacks for over a year the last time, and it’d only been a few weeks this go around.
I knew this was going to happen, it was why I’d come out to stay with my sister.
I’d been hoping to avoid some of these reminders.
I didn’t expect them to come on randomly like this.
“Ricochet.”
Clearing my throat, I forced my heavy limbs to move and walked inside, ignoring whoever was behind me.