Chapter 2 #3
‘There are probably too many houses to maintain and not as much in the way of resources as you might imagine. They’re lucky to have got a house at all, really.’ Zoe knocked at the door and waited.
And then Billie laughed as Louisa let out a yell which contained just about every vowel sound in the English language and more besides. ‘She’s so noisy now – I can’t shut her up!’
Zoe glanced across, a huge smile lighting her face too.
She had to admit, Louisa was more of a delight every day, so much so that, despite the fact they weren’t related by blood, Zoe had come to see herself as an aunt – perhaps even as a grandma but for the fact she didn’t consider herself to be quite grandma aged yet.
But it was true that Alex’s granddaughter brought her as much joy as she imagined having her own child might bring. ‘She’s trying to talk to you.’
‘I wish I knew what she was saying.’
‘It won’t be long.’
‘And then I suppose you’re going to say I might wish I didn’t know.’
‘I would never… though I’m reliably informed that I had a habit of dropping my parents in it when I was little, so there might be some truth in that after all,’ Zoe replied with a laugh.
‘I’ll be all right then,’ Billie said drily, ‘as I don’t go anywhere or do anything, there’s no scandal for Louisa to tell anyone about.’
‘That’s not quite true. We’re out today, aren’t we?’
‘Oh yeah, visiting a couple of other mums to sit and drink tea and talk about our babies. Wild.’
Zoe’s smile faded into something a little pained but filled with sympathy.
There was no denying that, though she seemed content with her life, Billie’s world had shrunk in a way that few women of her age experienced in this day and age.
It was mostly centred around Hilltop Farm where they lived, their neighbours at Daffodil Farm, the village below, and occasionally, if she was lucky, a visit to the next small town where her friends Maisie and Fern now shared a house with their babies.
She kept her cards close to her chest, and she’d accepted her lot stoically enough, but Zoe wondered whether Billie sometimes resented what she now had.
Not Louisa, of course, because anyone could see she adored her daughter, but perhaps her wider circumstances.
Life was quiet in the little Lake District village of Thimblebury, quieter still when opportunities to wander beyond it were slimmed down by responsibilities at home.
At a time when she should have been making her mark on the world, she was living with her dad and his girlfriend in a remote house with a baby to take care of, very little social life and no love life to speak of whatsoever.
Zoe had asked her once, and though Billie had been instantly dismissive of the idea of dating, Zoe could tell that her words didn’t match her feelings on the matter.
It seemed that the recent visit to Louisa’s other grandparents in Spain had changed things.
Or rather, had made what Billie had already been feeling perhaps more acute.
She hadn’t said so, but she hadn’t needed to.
If she’d occasionally seemed dissatisfied with her life before, since she’d returned from her trip, it was far more obvious.
There had been little digs about the village and the people who lived there, and general impatience about the pace of life – Billie’s in particular.
She’d always been an introvert, for as long as Zoe had known her, but the more Billie spoke about the social life she’d left behind in Spain, friends she’d reconnected briefly with during her last visit, the more Zoe began to understand that the introvert she’d come to know wasn’t who Billie had always been.
She was saved digging further by the door opening, swiftly followed by an excited squeal. Maisie bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, her face split by a wide smile.
‘Fern!’ she yelled into the house behind her. ‘Fern, they’re here!’
Fern appeared at the end of the hallway with baby Benji in her arms. ‘Hey,’ she said mildly, ‘how was Spain?’
‘Brilliant!’ Billie was suddenly far more animated. ‘Amazing.’
‘You look great,’ Fern replied. ‘Was it hot?’
‘Not boiling, but it was sunny. We went to the beach.’
‘God…’ Fern rocked Benji gently, gazing down at him with love, but it was so obvious that she also had the look of someone who longed for a break. ‘I wish I could go. I haven’t been on holiday for years.’
‘Come with me next time,’ Billie said. ‘Luis’s parents wouldn’t mind, and they’ve got tons of room.’
‘That would be so cool!’ Maisie squeaked. ‘I’ve never been on a plane before!’
Fern gave a tight smile and perhaps recognised better than anyone that there was no danger of her or Maisie going to Spain any time soon.
Even if there was somewhere for them to stay, they still had flights and taxis and all sorts to pay for, and Zoe knew they were just about breaking even on the house they’d taken on together.
‘Benji is getting so cute,’ Billie said.
Fern brightened at this. ‘Thanks.’
‘He’s like about eight weeks, right?’
‘Almost.’
‘He’s got loads of hair.’
‘I know.’
Billie sniffed. ‘I bet you know who his dad is now, don’t you?’
Zoe stared at Billie, uncertain how to react to such a blunt observation, but Fern only grinned as she looked at her baby and moved back from the door to let them in. ‘I suppose I do. He definitely looks like him.’
‘You said you weren’t going to tell him you’d had a baby,’ Billie continued. ‘Have you changed your mind?’
‘No, but even if I had, the commune is gone, and I don’t know where he is. It’s better that way, to be honest. I don’t think he was ever dad material.’
‘A bit like Ezra’s dad then.’ Billie paused as they stepped inside. ‘Where is Ezra?’
‘He’s asleep,’ Maisie said. ‘Don’t worry, you won’t wake him.’
Zoe marvelled inwardly at the calm acceptance in Maisie’s statement.
A few weeks earlier, she’d finally confirmed what they’d all suspected – Ezra was deaf.
Zoe had been fully prepared to offer extra support and to have to draft in all sorts of services, but apart from the very practical things like learning sign language and about the particular challenges that bringing up a deaf child was going to present, Maisie had been remarkably calm about the situation and hadn’t wanted any fuss at all.
She’d simply stated that it didn’t matter because she hadn’t known anything about bringing up a child anyway – deaf or not – and so whatever she was learning, she was learning for the first time, and it would all go in just the same.
At Hilltop Farm, Billie had marvelled at her attitude far more vocally, wondering if she’d have been able to cope with the same unfazed practicality, and when Zoe had assured her that she would have done, Billie wasn’t quite convinced.
‘How are you settling in?’ Zoe asked as they followed Maisie and Fern through to the living room.
It was decorated in dusty tones of biscuit and beige, a worn, heavily patterned carpet muffling their footsteps.
Someone had spread a large blanket over it at the centre of the room, and Ezra was currently lying on it, surrounded by toys and looking as if he’d fallen asleep mid-play.
‘The carpet’s not very clean,’ Fern said. ‘So we’ve put that blanket down until we can afford a carpet cleaner. It’s fine to walk on, but we didn’t want the babies on it, and Ezra’s started to roll over, so…’
‘It doesn’t look very comfy for him,’ Billie said doubtfully as Louisa wriggled in her arms.
‘It can’t be that uncomfortable if he’s fallen asleep,’ Zoe said.
Billie looked unconvinced, but then, Zoe knew Billie had higher standards.
And when it came down to it, Billie also had the resources to ensure she could indulge those higher standards.
Both Fern and Maisie were broke, and apart from meagre benefits and the local authority house they now stood in, having recently moved in, they had little else of material value.
But they had a budding friendship and a joint passion to do whatever they could to give their babies a good, happy upbringing, and in Zoe’s experience, those things were a decent start.
She’d often maintained boundaries with the mothers and babies in her care because her previous job in Manchester had always been so busy, and she’d had so many to look after, she’d had no choice.
But Thimblebury was different. Maisie and Fern had become far more than patients or clients or whatever the accepted parlance was at that point.
They’d become friends, and in many ways, Zoe had also felt maternal towards them herself.
She wanted to see them succeed, and she wanted to play her part in enabling them to do just that.
‘Did you want a cup of tea?’ Maisie asked. ‘Only we haven’t got a kettle yet…’
‘But we could boil some water on the stove,’ Fern put in. ‘It’s just that it takes ages because the flame’s crap.’
‘We’re fine…’ Zoe glanced at Billie, who nodded. ‘No need to stress about it. If you’d said, I could have picked a kettle up for you.’
‘That’s all right,’ Maisie said. ‘Mum said she’s got an old one somewhere – she just needs to find it.’
‘How’s she doing?’ Zoe asked.
Maisie shrugged. ‘She doesn’t hate me, so that’s good. I think she’s sad I’ve moved out. I mean, when my sister moved out, at least she still had me, but now she’s got nobody. Except Dad, of course, but they don’t talk much.’
‘That’s a shame, but I’m sure she’ll get used to it,’ Zoe said gently.
She knew how guilty Maisie had felt about the decision to leave home, but she felt it had been the right one, and she hoped Maisie wouldn’t change her mind.
And then she looked at Fern and smiled. ‘Corrine too, come to think of it. She and Victor had got quite used to you being around, and I would imagine they’re finding Daffodil Farm a lot quieter now you’ve moved out. ’
‘Honestly, they feel more like my parents than my parents ever did,’ Fern said. ‘They’re the best.’