Chapter 2 #4
Zoe looked for a place to sit, but the chairs and sofa were cluttered with various items, some related to baby care and some seemingly in piles to be sorted from the move.
Maisie and Fern had only been given the keys a couple of weeks before, after many hold-ups and false starts, and so it was to be expected that the two young mothers might take a while to settle in, given their other responsibilities.
But then Zoe frowned as her gaze fell on a tattered box labelled Christmas tree standing in a corner.
‘It’s a bit early for that, isn’t it? We’ve got nearly two months yet. ’
‘Oh, it was in my room,’ Maisie said. ‘Mum keeps it there because she can’t find space in the loft. She said I could have it because she probably wouldn’t bother putting a tree up this year if I’m not there.’
Maisie looked pained to repeat her mum’s intentions, but Zoe decided not to question it because she didn’t want to make Maisie feel worse.
Her mum, Bridget, was doing a great job of that without any help.
To an extent, Zoe understood the sentiment, but she disagreed with the airing of it in what was clearly a tactic to make Maisie feel guilty for moving out.
What she’d hoped would come of it was anyone’s guess, but even Bridget would have to see eventually that this fresh start was good for Maisie and Ezra, and there was small likelihood she’d change her mind and move back.
Maisie loved Bridget, but Bridget was far from easy to live with – even Zoe, with her limited interactions with the woman, knew that.
As for Ezra’s deafness, Bridget had hardly been supportive about that either.
There was a piercing cry from the bundle in Fern’s arms.
‘I think someone is hungry,’ Zoe said.
‘I fed him like an hour ago,’ Fern replied, but cleared a section of sofa so she could sit and pull aside her top.
Benji latched on and was instantly calm again.
Fern gazed down at him, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth even as she winced.
‘I’m a bit sore,’ she said without looking up. ‘He’s hungry a lot.’
‘I can bring something over for that if you like,’ Zoe said. ‘The soreness, that is. I can’t do much about him being hungry.’
As Zoe watched Fern feed her baby, she felt Billie’s hand on her arm and glanced across to see a silent look of solidarity.
It had been only a few months since a definitive diagnosis of premature ovarian insufficiency, and though Zoe had had lots of time to come to terms with it, and a few consultant appointments into the bargain, she often felt that Billie and Alex worried about her, especially in moments like this.
Which was ironic because her entire career consisted of moments like this in one way or another.
She was a midwife, and whether she could have her own children or not, she wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of what she’d always believed was a calling rather than a job.
It didn’t matter how much it sometimes still hurt – she loved what she did and would never give up that gift.
She sent a silent reply to reassure Billie that she was OK, and was glad when, a moment later, Ezra woke up to become a welcome distraction. He opened his eyes and smiled up at Maisie as she went to collect him.
‘He’s so cute!’ Billie cooed.
‘He’s certainly filled out,’ Zoe said.
‘He’s fat?’ Maisie looked aghast at the notion, and Zoe had to laugh.
‘Of course he isn’t! He’s exactly how a healthy baby should be! You’re not going to put him on a diet, are you?’
Maisie grinned in recognition of the reference.
During pregnancy, she’d battled the idea of putting on weight – mostly fed those insecurities by her mother and grandmother.
It had taken Zoe’s and Billie’s subtle interventions to persuade her that it was better to be healthy, no matter what that looked like, for her baby’s sake if nothing else.
‘Ow!’
Zoe turned to see Louisa with a handful of Billie’s hair, tugging like a pirate on the rigging of a ship.
‘What’s so interesting about my hair?’ Billie hissed, trying to unfurl Louisa’s tight little fist.
‘The fact it was too tantalisingly in reach,’ Zoe said with a grin, despite Billie’s thunderous expression.
‘It’s not funny,’ Billie snapped at her.
‘It is slightly.’
‘It’s your face,’ Maisie added.
‘She’s always doing it – I’ll have no hair left.’
‘Tie it up,’ Fern said mildly, but Billie only scowled because the solution was so obvious that she might well have felt silly for complaining in the first place.
‘Have you delivered any babies this week?’ Maisie asked Zoe.
‘Only one. A home birth, nice and straightforward, and a gorgeous little girl. It’s been a quiet couple of months. I hope Thimblebury’s baby boom hasn’t come to an end, otherwise I’ll be out of a job.’
‘You could work at the camping site, couldn’t you?’
Zoe smiled. ‘I’m sure I could, but I’d rather be looking after mums to be. You’re all far more interesting than a boggy old campsite.’
‘I won’t tell Dad you said that,’ Billie said.
‘Tell him – it’s not like I’ve never said it to his face. It’s a great little business, but I’d be bored to tears running it. I don’t mind helping him out, but that’s about it.’
‘Is it hard?’ Fern asked.
Zoe turned to her. ‘What? Delivering babies?’
‘Yes. Is your job hard work? I mean, I know it’s hard work, but is it too hard for someone to learn?’
‘I learned it.’
‘But you’re clever.’
Zoe studied her for a moment. ‘Did you have someone in particular in mind? Because if it’s someone in this room, I’d say we’re all clever enough.’
Fern blushed. ‘I don’t know, I just thought… well, I was thinking about what job I could do. I don’t have a clue, but maybe I’d like to look after mums and babies like you looked after me.’
‘The training’s tough, and you’d have to qualify first, but I can give you some pointers and plenty of information if you’re serious about it. Maybe you want to mull it over – you’ve got lots of time before you need to think about working. Benji is still only little.’
‘You think I’m silly?’ Fern asked earnestly. She glanced at Billie, who looked more sceptical, and shrank back under her scrutiny.
‘Never,’ Zoe said gently. ‘Every time I hear someone say they’re considering it, that’s brilliant.
It’s the best profession – to me at least. There’s always room for another good midwife in the world.
Come to me in a few months, and if you’re still keen, I’ll do what I can to help.
And if you want to chat in the meantime to get more of a feel for the job, then you know you only have to ask – I could talk about it all day. ’
‘She’d be so good at it,’ Maisie said. ‘She’s so calm… not like me. I get stressed about Ezra all the time.’
‘I don’t know,’ Zoe said. ‘You look as if you’re doing all right to me.’
Maisie broke into a bright smile. ‘You think so?’
‘Absolutely. And the way you’ve dealt with Ezra’s diagnosis – let me tell you, I’ve cared for women who haven’t coped with things half as well as you’ve done, even those who are second- or third-time mothers. How’s the sign language going?’
‘OK,’ Maisie said. ‘I can tell you my name, look…’
She made a little series of shapes with her hands, and Zoe smiled.
‘I do it when I can as well as talking to Ezra,’ she continued. ‘The woman at the clinic said to talk to him anyway because he’ll learn to lip-read and to sign as well. She says he’ll pick it all up just like other babies pick up talking.’
‘Can’t they fix him?’ Billie asked.
Maisie looked surprised by the question. ‘I don’t know. They haven’t said so, but they haven’t finished his tests yet. But I don’t want him to have operations. I don’t like the idea of them hurting him.’
‘He might be in discomfort, depending on the procedure, but they wouldn’t hurt him,’ Zoe said. ‘At the end of the day, it’s a decision that rests with you, and you have to do what you think is best.’
‘I should let him have operations?’
‘You don’t even know there’s one he can have that will make any difference yet. I wouldn’t worry about it until you know more, but for the time being, it sounds as if you’re doing everything right.’
‘Do you want to sit down?’ Fern asked. She began to clear a space on the sofa.
‘Thanks.’ Zoe took a seat, and Billie settled next to her. She put Louisa down on the blanket, who immediately shuffled off to grab one of Ezra’s toys.
‘Don’t put it in your mouth, you little tramp,’ Billie said, Zoe laughing at the curled lip of disgust as Louisa did just that. ‘Ugh! Come here… give me that!’
‘She’s going to put things in her mouth whether you like it or not,’ Zoe said.
‘Ezra isn’t going to give her germs,’ Maisie added, and when Zoe looked, she could see the younger woman was offended.
Billie seemed to realise it too because she didn’t back down from her comment, but she did give Louisa the toy back and put her down again.
‘You’ve got all this coming,’ Zoe said to Fern. ‘Benji seems tiny and helpless now, but in a couple of months, you’ll have to watch like a hawk.’
‘I know,’ Fern said. ‘I can’t wait. I mean, he’s cute and everything, but babies are really boring when they don’t move, aren’t they?’
Zoe laughed again. ‘You say that now. I’ll ask you again in a few months if you still think so.’