Chapter 3
Chapter Three
I stare at him in shock and he stares at me. Finally, I managed to ask, “Are you here on vacation?”
He shakes his head. “I’m the head of the MFA program at Bayhead now.”
Bayhead College is a very prestigious private university. If I were going to get a master’s degree in writing, I would have gone there. Of course, writing is just one of the things I like to do. I don’t want it to be a career so an MFA makes no sense to me at all. “That’s awesome,” I say. “Where are you living? I bought a house but now’s the time for rentals because it’s off-season out here.”
“Bayhead is providing the apartment,” Brian says, “but there was a paperwork problem so it won’t be ready until next week. I’m going to check into a motel somewhere and I can expense it.”
“Oh, you can’t do that,” I say. “My parents and I had a deal that they were going to help me buy a house as long as I got my college degree so I have a four-bedroom house. That’s three open bedrooms. You’re going to stay at my place until yours is ready.”
What the heck do I think I’m doing?
I mean, seriously. What the actual heck? It’s pretty damned stupid to have my baby daddy at my house when he doesn’t even know he’s my baby daddy or that I even have a baby! It’s also presumptuous of me. I mean, really, do I expect him to just jump at a chance to be in the same general area that I am?
“You don’t have to inconvenience yourself, Maddy,” he says. “Bayhead is going to cover all the costs.”
Okay, great. I have a way out. “Seriously, though,” I say, “do you really want to be at a hotel? They’re all tourist traps here. You’re going to deal with people on vacation and all that.” Okay… the whole point is that I’m supposed to be taking my way out!
“I don’t want to inconvenience you, Maddy,” he says.
He keeps giving me ways to get out of this. I say, “It’s no inconvenience at all. It’ll be great to catch up and to talk about literature again.”
Okay, so I clearly want him still. I mean, I guess it must be that. What else could it be? I think it’s confirmed when he says, “Well, okay. You’ve convinced me.” The reason I think it’s confirmed is that I immediately feel excited, happy, and even grateful. Is that crazy or what?
Anyway, he has to take care of some things at the college, so I give him the address and get back to shopping. I realize when I’m at the checkout stand that I’m buying what it takes to make a special dinner for him. I feel stupid for being so gaga over him. What am I supposed to do, though? Even if it’s stupid for me to have these feelings, I still have them. Even if there’s no real legitimate reason to let myself get drawn into the situation, I can’t help it.
Oh, crap! Allyson’s father is totally going to be in the house tonight!
What I ought to do is figure out a way to tell him and, hopefully, to soften the blow a little when he asks why I didn’t tell him before. I mean, I don’t want to admit to him that I hid this from him because I was afraid of his reaction and then later because I was ashamed of hiding it from him. I most certainly don’t want to tell him that.
I call my friend, and she takes the baby for a little longer.
When he shows up at the house, I tell him my daughter is with a friend. I get that close to telling him, anyway. But then we’re pulling each other’s clothes off.
And you better believe when he gets to my house and I find myself on my bed with his mouth between my legs, I’m not even thinking about how I ought to tell him!