Chapter Thirteen
They had spent several months on the trail already, and they’d made good progress—until the rain came.
After what felt like an eternity, the storms finally ceased, and Ethan couldn’t hide his relief at finally being freed from the cave.
The sky was bright blue at last, now filled with only a few fluffy white clouds.
He raked a hand through his hair, taking it all in as the families began packing and preparing to leave.
Grace Hawthorne stood in front of her family’s wagon, gingerly peeling apart the water-logged pages of a book.
Ethan tucked his hands into his pockets as he watched her for a moment.
She had been right about organizing the supplies differently.
She had also been right in thinking that some of the more disgruntled men would be less inclined to complain if they believed that something was being done, even if that something was simply reorganizing and considering how to make the best use of what they had.
“Ethan,” Grace said.
He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and slowly walked over to her, trying to think of an explanation for why he’d been staring at her. Grace seemed like the kind of woman who’d demand to know why a man was watching her. Ethan’s eyes darted to the book.
“That’s sure seen better days.”
“It has.” She sighed. “It’s a pity, too. Emily has become restless since we’ve been stuck here for so long, and I was hoping to read to her. This is one of my favorites…or was, I suppose.”
Grace showed him the cover, presumably so he could read it.
Ethan grimaced, unable to make out any word except for ‘and’ in the title.
He’d left his schooling entirely to take care of Ma and Hannah, but even before that, Ethan hadn’t gone much.
He’d been a wild boy who preferred running around exploring to sitting in a classroom.
That had always bothered his ma, but Pa hadn’t cared.
Pa only knew his letters and how to sign his name, and he got along just fine without knowing all the rest.
“Have you read it?” Grace asked, her eyes brightening with interest.
Ethan snorted. “No. I don’t have time for leisurely things like reading.”
Grace’s expression darkened, and Ethan knew that he must have upset her once again. It obviously had something to do with the books, but he didn’t know exactly what. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I apologize.”
She held the wet book against her chest as if it was something precious that needed to be protected. “For what?”
“For anything I’ve said to upset you.”
Grace’s eyes narrowed. “Really?”
“Really.”
Ethan tried to think back to all the previous times she’d seemed upset with him.
Maybe he ought to ask Hannah what she thought.
She was Grace’s friend and might know something he didn’t, but if he did ask, Ethan imagined his sister would just take the chance to tease him about caring what a woman thought of him.
It was still worth trying to make amends. He didn’t know exactly how he’d upset her regarding the books, but there was one thing he’d done that he did know how to fix.
“I apologize for what I said at the river,” Ethan said. “Sometimes, children just run away without warning, and I shouldn’t have told you to be more careful. You are careful. You just ran into some bad luck.”
That was a start, at least.
“I should have thought before I jumped into the river,” Grace conceded hesitantly after a moment.
“It’s understandable that you did,” Ethan admitted. “Your sister was in danger. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for Hannah, and I can see you feel the same way about Emily.”
“I would do anything for her,” Grace said, her expression grave. “Emily is my entire world, and I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to her.”
The admission was soft and vulnerable, and Ethan was a little embarrassed that his initial reaction was surprise that she was being nice to him.
“I think you’ve more than proven that, Grace,” Ethan said. “You’d have to be a good sister to try and save Emily like you did.”
“And you’re a good brother.”
“I try to be.” He paused, trying to decide if he wanted to say more.
Ethan didn’t like talking about how he felt with anyone except Hannah, and sometimes he didn’t even confide in her.
But Grace’s vulnerability was so moving that he felt he had to show her something just a little softer than he usually did.
“I sometimes wonder if I’m suffocating her, though.
When we were children, I took care of her, and it’s hard to stop even though she’s a woman now. ”
“She’s told me how much she depended on you as a child.”
Ethan smiled and wondered precisely how much his sister had said. “Given the difference in age between the two of you, I assume that you’ve spent the better part of your life making sacrifices for Emily,” he said.
Ethan supposed a small part of him had imagined trivial sacrifices, like having to accompany her little sister to dress fittings or whatever else wealthy women might do. But maybe that was wrong. Grace’s actions at the river proved that she was willing to do much more to protect Emily.
Grace nodded. “There were some, yes.” She paused, like she might say more, but then seemed to think better of it.
“It’s good that she has you,” Ethan said.
There was something about Grace that he didn’t quite understand; he had the sense that she was hiding, but he couldn’t imagine what a woman like her would have to hide.
While Grace had hidden depths, it was still quite clear that she had a respectable upbringing.
Yet there was something sad about her sometimes, and her voice and eyes took on a faraway look at those moments.
She acted like she was going to speak, but then didn’t, as if she wanted to share something desperately but couldn’t make herself do it.
It didn’t bear thinking about, Ethan decided. He had already let Grace consume so much of his thoughts. Any more and she might prove to be a genuine distraction, and those could be dangerous on the trail.
“We’ll be heading out soon,” he said instead.
“All right,” Grace agreed, looking at the book morosely. “I’ll have to find something else for Emily to read.”
“It appears so.”
She tilted her head a little. “I have several books if you might like to borrow one. I know you say you don’t have time for such things, but you might find you enjoy it.”
Ethan snorted. Grace clearly meant well, but her persistence wasn’t going to win him over. He hadn’t read anything in almost twenty years, but a wave of embarrassment crashed over him when he imagined telling this beautiful, educated woman that he couldn’t read.
“I don’t care much for reading, even when I have the time,” he said. “Besides, I’ll be driving.”
“Maybe Hannah would like to read to you. It would help pass the time,” Grace suggested.
Ethan shook his head. “I’d rather not.”
Grace nodded curtly. “Of course you wouldn’t.” Her tone made it clear that he’d insulted her yet again.
“My answer is still no,” he said dryly. “You’d do better to force your books on Hannah, for her to read herself. Not to me.”
Grace wrinkled her nose, displeasure radiating from her. Ethan chose to pretend he hadn’t noticed and instead returned to his own wagon. Any man would be vexed by Grace’s behavior, and maybe he was a little irritated.
She always seemed to assume the worst of him, and Ethan had not a clue why.
Maybe it was because they came from two entirely different worlds; with a rush of shame, he realized that he’d judged her for that, too.
Not as much as some, but it still rang true.
Yet he couldn’t fix whatever he’d done this time now, not when they were about to leave.
But that wasn’t all. No, there was also something about Grace that was…
Interesting?
Ethan’s thoughts jumbled together. Why did he even keep thinking about Grace Hawthorne? Maybe it was that he felt responsible for her. He had saved her life, after all, so it was only reasonable that he would want to look out for her after that.
It had to be that. Only that.