Chapter 14
“I am curious about your family,” Jamie said. “That just feels like something that I should know.”
As your boyfriend. He left that tidbit out. Was he Caleb’s boyfriend? Probably, though it didn’t really… feel like it. It felt more like they were on a second date.
“I don’t mind talking about it,” Caleb replied, though his eyes saddened a bit. “There’s not much to say.”
“I doubt that.”
Caleb took a bite of ravioli and shrugged.
“Dad still lives in Youngstown. He’s a veteran.
Retired from the military when I was in high school.
My sister, Bri, still lives with him. She’s a nail technician.
” He scratched the back of his head. “And, uh, my other sister, Tay, lives out in California. She’s studying to be a lawyer. ”
“And your mum?”
A heavy silence settled between them, and Caleb seemed to be battling what to say next.
“She passed. A few years ago.”
Jamie’s heart fell. “Oh, Caleb. I’m so sorry.”
A small, tired smile spread on Caleb’s face. “It’s okay. You helped a lot during that time.” His eyes met Jamie’s. “I swear you got me through it.” Jamie’s cheeks flushed.
“Well, you also had your dad and sisters, yeah?”
Caleb clenched his jaw. “I don’t talk to Dad and Bri much at all, to be honest. They’re… not great.” His hands tightened on his fork. “I mean, I’d be there if they needed anything, but… yeah.”
“Can I ask why?”
“My dad was the coach of the football team. You know, a big, manly guy. Wasn’t thrilled to have a gay son, you know?”
Jamie’s eyebrows pinched together, and a surge of anger flooded his chest. “Did your dad always know you were gay?”
“No, I came out in high school.”
“Oh.” He couldn’t imagine how hard that would be.
“Yep, and very publicly.” Caleb smirked, eyes distant as though recalling a memory. “I was that kind of teenager. Kissed my boyfriend on homecoming night in front of the whole town.” He chuckled. “Dad looked like he saw a ghost.”
“That’s incredible.”
Caleb’s smile fell. “It wasn’t. I was young and stupid. It was a huge mistake.”
“What? No, that’s so brave.”
“I didn’t think about what that would mean for my boyfriend at the time. We both—” Caleb looked down at his plate. “Things got bad for him, and it was all my fault.”
Jamie reached across the table and took Caleb’s hand in his, gently stroking his knuckles. His heart hurt for young Caleb, just trying to be himself.
“It’s a fucked up world we live in,” Jamie said softly.
“Yeah, well.” Caleb stared down at their hands and blinked. “Anyway, Dad got pretty fucking weird after that. So did my sister, Bri. But the real falling out happened when Tay moved to California and came out as trans.”
Jamie’s heart tugged. “I’m sure your dad had a lot of opinions about that.”
“Yeah, we got into it one day about it. There was a lot of yelling and, well, things got pretty physical. I walked out that day, and we haven’t spoken since.” Caleb pulled his hand away and took a sip of his drink. “Ruined things between him and Tay, too. Sometimes I just can’t keep my mouth shut.”
“You shouldn’t have to! That’s bloody brave, Caleb. Standing up for your sister and yourself.”
The corner of Caleb’s lips twitched, but his eyes were sad. “You’ve always said that. But you’ll learn that sometimes I’m not brave. I’m just impulsive. And I can’t always keep my emotions in check.”
“I think you’re brave,” Jamie said, lifting his chin. “And your father sounds like a git.”
Caleb’s eyes twinkled with fondness and amusement.
“How is Tay doing? Is she still in California?”
“Yep. She is doing well, I think. I owe her a phone call.” He paused for a moment. “Actually, she would love it if we both FaceTimed her. She adores you.”
“That sounds great.”
“Though, fair warning, she makes fun of your accent. Like, a lot.”
Jamie’s heart expanded. “She can make fun of it all she wants.”
Caleb nodded, taking another bite of ravioli, but Jamie sensed that he was a bit lighter.
As they continued to chat, Jamie could feel Caleb inching closer.
Under the table, his foot tapped the side of Jamie’s shoe and, after a second, he felt a soft caress on the side of his ankle.
It sent a jolt of arousal straight to his groin.
When he looked up, Caleb’s brown eyes were locked on his, filled with heat.
His gaze wandered down to Jamie’s chest, causing a burst of butterflies in his stomach. His skin tingled as Caleb drank him in, his eyes turning a darker shade of brown, and Jamie felt his breath hitch at the possibility of enjoying a bed with him tonight.
Caleb had been painfully careful around Jamie the past week after his panic attack at the Chelsea stadium. The sweet little touches that Jamie had gotten used to around the flat were painfully scarce.
He fucking craved them.
He’d never thought of himself as touch-starved before, but now that he had experienced a small taste of Caleb’s affections, he wanted more.
Physical affection wasn’t something Jamie typically craved—he didn’t love hugs from strangers or shaking people’s hands—but his body buzzed anytime Caleb was around.
He found himself hoping Caleb would brush his fingers along his cheek or touch his lower back.
And now, just a caress of Caleb’s foot against his ankle had his trousers feeling tighter.
“Another round of drinks, gentlemen?” The server’s high voice jolted Jamie back into the room.
“No, uh, good. Me,” he spluttered, watching Caleb smile at how flustered he was.
“We are fine, thank you,” Caleb said calmly.
“Very well. My shift is up, and the new server, Timothy, will be taking care of you. Cheers,” she said politely before sweeping from the room. Caleb’s eyes went wide with panic, but before Jamie could ask what was wrong, the new server shuffled in.
“Gentlemen! So nice to see you again.” Timothy looked extremely young. Too young, perhaps, to be serving in a restaurant. He also seemed very, very happy to see them.
“Nice to see you, Timothy,” Caleb replied curtly. He took a swig of his drink, and Jamie noticed that his face had lost some color.
“Hello.” Jamie smiled at the nice server. “Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to—? You don’t remember me? I served you last time you were here. When you got engaged!”
Jamie’s heart dropped.
Caleb flew up from his chair and rounded the table. “Timothy, if I could just have a quick second.” He led the server through the doors, and Jamie rested his elbows on the table, holding his head in his hands.
He wouldn’t panic. He wouldn’t panic.
It was fine. He knew that he’d been engaged to Caleb. And it made sense that they would come to a place like this for a celebratory dinner. So, why did that information make him feel so dizzy? And like he might vomit?
Counting to four, he took a deep breath in. He held it as best he could at the top and exhaled for six. After a few moments, the panic retreated to the back of his mind.
“Jamie? Hey, are you okay?”
Good Lord, when had Caleb come back in?
“I’m brilliant,” Jamie said into sweaty palms. Suddenly, he was very, very tired.
“I settled the bill. We can head out whenever you’re ready.”
Jamie nodded and tried his best to move his legs as Caleb led him outside into the bitter cold. The frigid air helped, and as they walked towards the Tube, he felt his mind clear.
“I made you a cup of tea,” Caleb called from the kitchen as he poured a drop of milk into Jamie’s favorite mug. It had a stack of books painted on the side and was horribly chipped. Jamie refused to part with it.
“Thank you,” Jamie called from the bedroom.
As Caleb approached, he set the book he’d been reading down and turned, accepting the tea from Caleb’s hands.
He looked cozy and warm in his flannel pajamas.
The lilies from the restaurant were in a vase beside the bed. Jamie insisted they bring them home.
“Thank you for everything tonight. I had a wonderful time.”
Caleb resisted the urge to laugh. What a fucking disaster. Jamie had hardly spoken two words on the train ride back to their flat, and Caleb wanted to punch a wall.
It wasn’t Timothy’s fault. And, to his credit, he had felt really fucking bad once Caleb explained the situation. But he still hated that the night ended that way.
“I can drive you to your appointment tomorrow,” Caleb said, gently sitting on the edge of the bed. “It’s on my way to work.”
“Okay. What doctors do I have to see tomorrow?”
Caleb pulled out his phone and opened up the appointment app. “You have occupational therapy and then physical therapy.”
“Right,” Jamie said, chewing on his lip.
Caleb frowned. “That okay?”
“Is all of this therapy… covered by NHS?”
“Yep,” Caleb said quickly. “All covered.” Technically, the National Health Service covered care for traumatic brain injuries like Jamie’s. That wasn’t a lie. Now, there may have been some nonessential fees that Caleb was paying for out of pocket. But Jamie didn’t need to know that.
Jamie’s eyebrows pinched together, like he was doing mental math, but after a few moments, his face relaxed. Sipping his tea, he leaned back into the pillows that were propped up on the headboard.
“Hey, Caleb?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m really sorry about your mum. I don’t think I said that enough tonight.”
Caleb’s heart squeezed in his chest. “Thank you.”
Jamie scooted down the bed and turned toward Caleb, trying to catch his eye. “If you ever want to talk about her, I’d like to hear,” he said quietly. “I want to know everything I can—about her.” He hesitated, then placed a hand on Caleb’s arm. “And you.”
The warmth of Jamie’s hand seeped through the fabric of his shirt. He hadn’t bothered to change when they’d gotten home, jumping straight into making Jamie tea instead, and now he could feel the lingering arousal from dinner stirring again.
His mind flicked back to the week after his mom died. Jamie had shown up unannounced, knocking on his door with a bottle of non-alcoholic wine in hand and a basket of food.
“Caleb,” Jamie whispered, voice thick with desire. Caleb shivered as Jamie slid his hand to his wrist and closed it there.
Jamie used to joke that Caleb had him memorized. He could read the man like a book. And now, the way his bright green eyes were wide and open, Caleb saw the longing in them.
Fuck, he was horny for Jamie.
The pout on his lips was fucking irresistible, and in another world, Caleb would pull Jamie onto his lap and spend the next few hours making him moan. But, this wasn’t another world. This wasn’t a world where Jamie was ready for that. And maybe Caleb wasn’t either.
Standing abruptly, Caleb almost knocked the tea from the side table. “Goodnight, Jamie,” he said quickly, turning to the living room. His bedroom for God knew how much longer. “I—uh, I had fun tonight.”
“Right. Uh, goodnight.” The disappointment in Jamie’s voice made him want to punch a wall.
Closing the bedroom door behind him, Caleb sat in the living room and stared at the wall. When he was sure Jamie was asleep in bed, he snuck outside for his first cigarette in months.