Chapter 31
“That was brilliant,” Jamie slurred, turning around and wrapping his arms around Caleb’s waist. A few seconds later, he slung his right leg over Caleb’s hip and buried his nose into Caleb’s collarbone.
A soft sigh tickled Caleb’s skin, and he felt the last of the tension in his chest finally seep away.
They were still naked, and, if Caleb had to guess, it was late as hell. He’d followed through on his promise to give Jamie a blowjob, which had quickly turned into a few rounds of edging.
Jamie had been eager tonight, making it the perfect opportunity to reintroduce the toys they hadn’t touched since before the accident. Perfect for Caleb, too, since he’d been determined to stretch the moment out for as long as possible so he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts.
Caleb knew he shouldn’t numb his feelings by getting physical with Jamie. It wasn’t healthy or fair. But after that call from Angie, he needed to feel good for a little while. Was it so terrible to distract himself by figuring out how to get Jamie to come twice?
“Mmmm,” Jamie purred into Caleb’s neck as he wiggled closer. Caleb hadn’t even realized he’d been running his palms slowly up and down Jamie’s back.
“I love you,” J said sleepily. Caleb smiled and buried his nose in Jamie’s curls.
He loved when Jamie got like this—almost drunk with exhaustion and post-orgasm haze, completely wrung out. “I know I say it too much, but I do. Love ya.”
A laugh bubbled out of Caleb’s throat. Jamie was so cute when he was sleepy like this.
“Sweetheart, I can never hear those words enough.” Caleb squeezed him tighter and kissed the top of his head. “I love you, too.”
A pleased rumble came from Jamie as he hooked his toes behind Caleb’s knee and pulled himself even closer.
“Hey, Caleb? You didn’t think…” He paused for a moment to think, and that little ball of anxiety blipped in Caleb’s chest.
“What is it, J?”
“You didn’t think I’d leave you, did you? After the accident?”
“What?” Caleb loosened his arms and leaned back slightly. Jamie stayed tucked against his collarbone, refusing to budge. “What makes you ask that?”
“Well…” Jamie lifted his head and blinked groggily. “When I was recovering, you must have thought there was a chance I wouldn’t… I don’t know, fall back in love with you. Right?”
Caleb looked away for a beat, willing the memories down and away. He didn’t want to revisit that time, even if it had only been a few months ago. His conversation with Ellie over Jenga flashed back to the forefront of his mind. The day he’d admitted that exact fear.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I did worry about that. It always felt like there was a chance that if I did something wrong, or didn’t do something, you wouldn’t fall back in love with me.”
When he turned back, he was met with sad, desperate eyes. “That must have been awful.”
“It felt sort of like being dropped into an alternate universe, if I’m being honest.”
A sleepy mmm came from Jamie as he considered that. “Another universe,” he repeated, his hands shifting where they were gripping Caleb’s back.
A thought occurred to Caleb. “Did you worry about that, J?” he asked softly. “That you wouldn’t fall back in love with me?”
Jamie gave a slow nod. “Yeah, I did. It was a lot of pressure at first, trying to return to my old life and feel… like I did before. I worried I’d never get to where you needed me to be.
” His eyes dropped to Caleb’s bare chest and lingered there.
“Back in February, I think I decided that if I was going to feel like my old self, I had to just pretend to be him.”
Caleb slid a hand up into Jamie’s hair, letting the soft strands fall between his fingers. “Are you still pretending?”
“No,” Jamie said calmly, still studying Caleb’s chest. A soft smile spread across his face.
“I’ve never felt more like myself, actually.
Which is crazy, considering I had a life-changing accident only a few months ago.
” He huffed quietly. “I used to always be so on edge. Worried what people thought of me. But with you…” His eyes lifted to meet Caleb’s, and Caleb felt his breath hitch.
Bright green, like spring grass. “Loving you is so easy, Caleb. Now that I do—or remember that I do—it feels like my body can relax. Maybe for the first time ever.”
Caleb was speechless at the open, earnest look in those green eyes. Such a different shade from the uncertain ones that had opened in the hospital.
Satisfied with his words, Jamie tucked himself back into Caleb like a little koala, nose pressed into the warm curve of his neck, arms and legs tightening around him.
As Jamie’s breathing slowly evened out, Caleb decided they would just fall asleep like this tonight.
Still a little messy from sex, stark naked, wrapped around each other.
For a moment, Caleb let himself imagine that alternate universe again. The one where Jamie had woken up in the hospital and never loved him the same way. It wasn’t until Jamie’s soft, sleepy voice rumbled against his skin that Caleb realized the man was still half-awake.
“I’d fall for you in any universe, Caleb.”
Two weeks later, Jamie woke up to a house of utter chaos.
He’d gone to bed early the night before, hoping to bank some sleep. He could sleep on the plane, of course, but he’d never been on a flight this long, and, on the off chance he couldn’t sleep, he didn’t want to arrive in the States completely knackered when it was time to meet Caleb’s family.
Even so, his body still felt exhausted.
With the flight coming up and the final matches of the season looming, Caleb had been a complete wreck this past week. Not sleeping. Barely eating. The man looked like a zombie, and Jamie was determined to do whatever he could to pick up the slack.
He couldn’t make the trip magically disappear, but he could clean the flat and do the washing. And cook, though Ellie had to come over and teach him a few things.
Some emergency kitchen FaceTimes to his mother had occurred.
But if it made this trip even a tiny bit easier for Caleb, it was worth it.
He could hear the commotion on the other side of the bedroom door.
“Bro!” Pippa was on him the second he opened the door.
“Who gave Pippa caffeine?” Jamie grunted as his sister engulfed him in an iron-clad hug. From the kitchen, Ellie muttered, “No one would let me give her a sedative.”
“She brought you a jam tart, J,” Caleb called from the couch. Jamie looked over to see Caleb sitting between his mum and Angie. He thought he also spotted a red ponytail sticking up from somewhere near the coffee table. Was Sally on the floor?
Jesus. Everyone really was here to see them off to the States. Hopefully, Caleb felt supported and not even more stressed. Jamie had to resist the urge to rush over with a glass of water and ask what he’d eaten today. It would make him feel better if he knew that Caleb had some food in him…
“Jamie, c’mon,” Pippa whisper-shouted, tugging on the sleeve of his T-shirt.
“Oi! Ow, that hurts!” he yelped as she shoved him into the bedroom.
“I have the…” Pippa patted her pocket. “Rings.”
His heart stuttered. “How do they look?” he asked immediately as he clicked the door shut behind him. He desperately hoped her answer wouldn’t be something like utter shit.
When she didn’t answer right away, his shoulders slumped. “Oh, God. I ruined them, didn’t I? He’s going to hate me—”
“J…” Pippa’s expression softened as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny velvet box. She held it out to him, biting her lip. “They look brilliant.”
His heart expanded in his chest so suddenly that it almost hurt.
“Really?” he breathed. She gave a slow nod, still chewing on her bottom lip. Jamie loved this about Pippa. She was a goofball ninety-nine percent of the time, so when she was serious, you knew she meant it.
He gently took the box from her hands and bent down to stash it carefully in his suitcase. If he opened it and looked now, he’d probably start crying, and then Caleb would immediately want to know why his eyes were all puffy.
“This might be a spectacularly horrible idea, Pip.”
“Or…” Pippa squeezed his shoulder gently. “It might be exactly what he needs, yeah?”
The two of them returned to the living room. Pippa immediately slipped into the kitchen to join Ellie, while Jamie floated back into the living room and plopped down next to Sally.
Trying to be subtle, he glanced over at Caleb to see if there was a plate of anything in front of him. Caleb’s face looked fairly relaxed as he chatted with Angie about her ankle, but there was no evidence that he’d eaten.
As if reading his mind, Caleb glanced over at him and smirked. His eyes practically said I’m fine, which glued Jamie right back to his spot on the floor.
Caleb claimed he hated being fussed over, but he certainly didn’t seem to mind being taken care of in other ways. Like, say, waking up this morning with Jamie sucking his cock—
“Jamie!” His mum’s voice startled him out of his dirty thoughts. He turned just in time to see her stepping in from the balcony. “Your herbs are thriving!” she announced proudly, wiping her forehead with the back of her palm and smearing a bit of dirt across it.
“Maggie, I love you, but…” Caleb chuckled from the couch. “If you touched those plants and killed them, I may have to come for you.”
His mother waved the comment away. “I am brilliant with plants, Caleb.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief.
Turning back to Angie, Caleb continued, “I want you to make sure Henri knows exactly the exercise plan I’ve had you on. I can email him if you—”
“I already sent it to him,” Angie interrupted, dipping a carrot into hummus before crunching down on it. “Now who’s acting like a mum?”
“I am not! I’m your trainer, Ang. I want your ankle to hold up for more than just this season…”
“It’s only two games. I’ll be fine, and then we’ll have all summer to rehab, yeah?”
Jamie shifted his attention to Sally, who sat cross-legged beside him, scrolling through her phone.
She’d offered to house-sit while they were in the States—something she’d been eager to do since she currently lived with a roommate in Soho.
In exchange for watering a few plants, she got the whole flat to herself.
“Doin’ alright, Sal?” Jamie asked, leaning his back against the coffee table.
“Yeah. Fine,” Sally muttered, sliding her phone into her pocket. Her red hair was pulled into a tight bun, and maybe Jamie was imagining things, but the usual Sally spark seemed dim. She looked… sad.
“Are you going to say anything?” he asked carefully. “To the administration, I mean?”
Her blue eyes lifted to his, and she shrugged. “What would I say? It’s not like I can prove Halcombe’s being a bigot. He gets to choose the staff for camp, and… what did he tell me? Oh yeah. That’s that.”
That’s that. Words that horrible people so often used to explain away their behavior.
She smoothed a palm over her forehead, and Jamie suddenly had the overwhelming urge to bike to the stadium and punch Halcombe right in his stupid face.
Did the wanker even realize how miserable he was making everyone?
Selfishly, he was glad that Caleb still got to enjoy summer camp with the kids.
It was an important resume builder and something he loved.
But that didn’t mean he wasn’t furious about Sally being cut.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jamie saw Caleb stand and pad toward the kitchen. Pippa greeted him with a cheerful, “There he is.”
Jamie turned back to Sally. “It’s fine,” she sighed, rolling her neck. “Really. Now I’ve got a free summer, boo hoo, right? I can focus on training, and… I dunno. Seeing Julia.”
Jamie reached over and placed a hand on her forearm. “How are things going with her?”
A shadow of a smile appeared on her lips. “Really good. She’s…” Her eyes met his. “She’s brilliant, J. I think I love her.”
“I’d really like to meet her,” Jamie said. “When we get back from the States, yeah? Double date.”
“I’d really like that.”
With a decisive nod, Jamie stood and ventured to the kitchen to make Caleb a hearty sandwich. Subtlety be damned, he needed to make sure Caleb ate before they spent seven hours on an airplane.