11. Brittish Abernathy
I sat in my office and stared at my phone, completely bewildered.
I didn’t have much time to dwell on anything, but my feelings were a little hurt.
It was going on two o’clock in the afternoon, and I hadn’t heard a peep from Nyle.
I didn’t wake up to my usual ‘good morning, pretty lady’ text nor a phone call.
All day, in between clients, I found myself checking my phone.
Each time, I was left disappointed. By noon, I’d sent him a text to check on him, and nothing.
He hadn’t responded nor read it, so I felt some type of way.
It was a good thing that Pilar was my next client because I needed my girl’s advice.
As always, she arrived early with some food. I hardly had an appetite, but I made myself eat to replenish my energy. After Pilar, I had three more clients before I could call it a day.
“Ma’am, what’s wrong with you? You’re over here looking like you lost your best friend, and I’m right here,” Pilar observed, pointing her fork at me.
After I set my fork down, I clasped my hands together and blew through the circle my lips formed. “I haven’t heard from Nyle today.”
“Is that unusual?”
“Extremely. I’m used to having a text from him when I open my eyes. This morning, it was crickets. I texted him at noon, and it is still crickets.”
“Damn. I don’t like that. A man who can’t consistently communicate is a red flag.”
“That’s the thing, Pilar. He’s an amazing communicator. He has been since day one, so this is blowing me.” I sat back in my seat and started sliding down to the floor.
“Uh-uh!” Pilar dramatically cackled so loud that it made me do the same. “You’re doing too much when you can just pop up on him. Is he at work?”
“He should be. It’s a Thursday, so he has private classes.”
“Well, go there and make them public.”
The way I jerked my body up so swiftly almost made me catch a cramp. I glared at Pilar who simply shrugged her shoulders and continued eating.
“Pilar! He works with kids.”
“I’m just saying, girl. You can go find out why he’s ghosting you in person. It’s called free will, boo.”
Pilar was right. I’d been contemplating all day whether I wanted to go see about him or not.
Internally, he dealt with a lot. While I understood, I needed him to communicate with me whenever he was having a bad mental day or not.
I needed him to let me know when he needed space so I could provide that for him.
I didn’t mind at all because, there were times, I needed mine too. His behavior was throwing me off.
“You’re right.” I finally agreed and picked my fork back up. “Including you, I only have four more clients today, and I’ll go see about him. AJ has practice later, but I need to see Nyle before then.”
“Damn right, you do. And if he can’t give you a valid explanation, you need to rethink this relationship.”
“I hear you.”
Once Pilar and I finished eating, we headed to my room so I could wax her and give her a facial. My last three clients were Brazilian waxes, so I breezed through them. Time passed by quickly, and when I finished cleaning up my rooms, I headed to Nyle’s facility.
My nerves were in a bunch on the way there.
I had to keep wiping my hands against the steering wheel because they were so moist. It had been forever since I’d done a pop-up, and with how Nyle was, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go.
Regardless, I needed answers, and he would have to provide them to me.
“Got you.”
I pulled up to the facility to see him walking out with his phone and bag in his hand.
He wasn’t paying any attention, so he didn’t notice me.
My emotions were turning red, seeing him on his phone, knowing that I had texted him.
Just when I was about to get out the car and confront him, my phone started ringing.
It was him.
For a moment, I let it ring. There was a part of me that wanted to be petty and not answer, but from the uneasy expression on his face, I swiped my hand across my screen.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Do you mind if I come by?” He expelled an exasperated breath. “I need to see you.”
“Why haven’t I heard from you all day, Nyle?”’
“I apologize, Brittish. I do. That’s on me for not telling you how I felt or what was going on. I . . .” He leaned his head back and swallowed. “Can I explain when I see you?”
“I’m looking at you right now.”
“Huh?”
“I’m in the parking lot. I see you.”
Nyle whipped his head around until his eyes landed on my car.
He nodded and trekked over to me. I unlocked my car as he got closer and eased into the passenger seat.
When he closed the door, I was ready to go in on him, but his eyes were misty as he stared off into space.
It was then I knew he wasn’t good, mentally or emotionally.
I didn’t speak. I sat there, waiting for him to say something to let me know if he was good or not.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Nyle stared at me. “I’m sorry for avoiding you. I know you’re big on reassurance, and I failed you at that today.”
“I accept your apology, but I’m not going to lie and act like it didn’t hurt my feelings, because it did.
” I reached over and started massaging his scalp to ease whatever emotions he was feeling.
“I’m not holding it against you because I know that it’s not like you, so tell me. What’s going on with you?”
“Remember the night we first met?”
“How could I forget?”
That brought a small smile to his face.
“Well, I was there because Naheem demanded I go with him. He wanted to clear my mind.”
“From what?”
“Sometimes, I have dreams about what happened to me as a child. Usually, I’m good about pushing through and not letting it bother me, but there’s something about this particular dream that I had last night that I can’t shake.”
“What is it?”
Nyle leaned his head back, closed his eyes, and tears streamed down his cheeks. My heart ached for him. I wanted to take the pain away, but I knew I couldn’t. All I could do was continue showing up for him, even when he couldn’t show up for himself or others. He needed me.
“I’ve never told anyone this. Not even my therapist.” He started with his eyes still closed. “In the back of my mind, I’ve always wondered if Renee . . . if she was sexually abusing me too.”
My hands flew to my mouth as I sharply gasped. That was the last thing I expected him to say, and seeing how it was affecting him rocked my core. I didn’t say anything else. I gave him time to process his words and thoughts while scrambling through my own.
“The dream . . . It was too vivid, much like the ones I’ve had from what I know I’ve experienced.
Dr. Morgan told me before that it’s possible for me to have dissociative amnesia where I suppress some of my trauma.
Every so often, the thought of her doing it to me, too, has crossed my mind, but I was able to shake it off.
For some reason, I’m unable to shake this off, Brittish.
It’s been replaying in my mind like a scratched record.
Concentrating has been a task for me today.
All my boys and staff have been pressing me, asking what’s wrong, but I shrugged it off for them.
I tried to stay focused. Giving them my all has always been the perfect remedy for me, but not today.
“I truly apologize for not reaching out to you, Brittish. I never want you to feel as if I don’t care about you or don’t want to talk to you, but today .
. .” He released a low whistle and finally peered at me with those misty bloodshot eyes.
“Today was the worst mental day I’ve had in a very long time. ”
The saliva in my mouth was salty. I gritted my teeth, trying to calm down. Anytime Nyle talked about his past, it hit too close to home for me. While he was on my mind, so was my own child. I’d go to hell about mine.
I opened my door, got out the car, and walked around to Nyle’s side.
He slightly frowned as I opened his door, but when I held my arms out, he eased out and melted into my arms. I rubbed up and down his back as he rested his head on the top of my head.
I’d been trying to hold back my tears, but feeling him so close, feeling how hard his heart beat in his chest, feeling how warm his body was, feeling his sad energy swirling around us made my cheeks wet with pain.
If I could fix it all for him, I would. I’d take every ounce of pain away.
Nyle tightened his embrace and whispered, “You were all I needed, Brittish. Thank you.”
“I want to be here for you, Nyle. I do. I understand it’s hard when your mental takes you places you don’t want to be, but try to redirect yourself to me. Even if it’s just to say I’m not good or I need space, let me know. You had me worried today. I thought we were breaking up or something.”
My body slightly jerked from how quickly Nyle lifted his head to look at me. “That’s the last thing I want to do. I don’t want you to think like that.”
“Then don’t leave me enough space to do so. Like I said, you don’t need to go into detail about it if you’re not there. Just let me know.”
“I got you, Pretty Lady.” He thumbed away my tears. “Do you forgive me?”
“I do, but I am worried about you.”
“Honestly, I’m worried about myself. The way I’m piecing things together . . . I need to call Dr. Morgan.”
“Please, call her. You need her.”
“I need you too.” Nyle massaged his beard. “Are you done for the day?”
“Yes.”
“Bet. I’m going to see if Weston will be good running practice by himself today. Mentally and emotionally, I just can’t do it today. Will you follow me to my house?”
“Of course.”
After a gentle kiss, Nyle helped me back into my car, and I waited for him to safely get inside his.
I needed advice. I didn’t want to put Nyle’s business out there, but I needed a male’s perspective on how to handle things.
I needed a male’s perspective to get a better insight on what was going on in Nyle’s mind.
I pulled off and followed behind Nyle while calling my father.
“Hey, Britt. What are you up to, baby?” He answered in his usual, chipper tone that soothed my heart.
“Hey, Daddy. Not much. Following my boyfriend to his house.”
“Mmm.”
I smirked. “What?”
“When am I going to meet him? I’m upset I had to learn about him through your brothers, and they already met him as well. Is that how you do your old man?”
“It’s not even like that, I promise. They just so happened to be where we were that day. You know I wouldn’t do you like that.”
“Mmm. Sure seems that way.”
“Stop being dramatic.” I snickered.
I loved my daddy something serious. He gave the best advice whether we wanted to hear it or not.
Everything he did was out of pure love, and not just for us, but everyone.
Lucah Abernathy was a God-fearing and loving man.
He treated everyone the same with that big heart of his while making sure no one took advantage of it either.
“What’s on your mind, baby? I can hear it in your voice and feel it in your emotions.”
When I was younger, I always wondered how our parents could figure out something was wrong with us. Being a parent myself, I completely understood.
“It’s my boyfriend.”
“Oh, hell. I already don’t like where this is going.”
“No, no.” I shook my head as if he could see me. “It’s not like that. It’s just . . . There’s something going on with him, and I need guidance on how to handle it. I think I’ve been handling it well thus far, but I’m beginning to feel like it might drift us apart.”
“It can only drift y’all apart if y’all allow it. If you truly care about him and vice versa, then y’all will do anything to make it work. Now, what’s going on with him?”
“I don’t want to tell his business because it’s deep and personal.
When he was a kid, he had some terrible things happen to him.
I mean, I get worked up anytime he talks about it.
It has to do with his mother. He doesn’t have a relationship with her, and apparently, she’s looking for him.
I know it’s triggered him. I can tell he’s slowly beginning to shut down, and I don’t want him to shut me out. Is that selfish?”
“No, Brittish. It’s not selfish at all. Tell me. What’s his love language?”
“Quality time.”
“Then that’s what you need to continue giving him. Whether y’all talk or sit in silence, be present for him. Let him know you’re there in a way he needs. If he shuts down, still show up. I don’t know the full context, but I do know love can get you through anything if it’s done correctly.”
I sighed. “Is that not too pushy?”
“It’s okay to be pushy when a push is needed. Just know where the edge is and don’t push him over.”
“Thank you, Daddy. I love you.”
“I love you more. Make sure you bring him to meet me and your mother soon, okay?”
“I will.”
We ended the call, and I felt lighter as I pulled into Nyle’s driveway. When he stepped out his truck, he immediately smiled at me. It seemed to be a calmness and relief over him that I knew I provided. I took honor in that while praying God gave me the strength to continue doing so.