Chapter 29
I spent the next fifteen minutes with Michael. He looked awful and I felt dreadful: guilty and ashamed that I’d been the cause of such hurt.
‘Paternity test,’ he said, the minute he sat down opposite me. I could smell alcohol on his breath and sat back in my chair.
‘And how do we go about that?’
‘I was talking to someone last night after you’d left the flat.’
‘Someone?’ I interrupted. ‘Who? Listen, Michael, I really don’t want all this being out in the open. People gossiping and stories being leaked to the papers. You know how the press will find any opportunity for a man in your position…’
‘My ex-wife actually.’
‘Right. OK.’
‘I drank probably more than was wise – especially after I was so knackered – and had to get a taxi home.’
‘I’m glad you’re able to be friends with her.’
‘Anna, we only split up because of my work commitments. Neither of us had affairs with anyone else, slept with anyone else, if that’s what you were thinking.’ He looked at me meaningfully.
‘Thanks, I deserved that.’
‘And what I deserve, Anna, as does this child, is to know just who we belong to.’
‘I keep telling you, Michael, this is my baby.’
‘And that’s your answer to all this, is it? You’re not going to try and find out whose sperm won the race!’
‘Stop it, Michael, that’s beneath you.’
‘Well, you’ve clearly been beneath more than me.’ He smirked nastily. ‘Oh, sorry, the missionary position a bit too vanilla for you when you’re having an affair?’
‘Michael, I really am going to have to ask you to leave.’
‘Got to go anyway. Already missed the flight to Belfast.’
‘Leave it until you get back,’ I pleaded, ‘and you’re not nursing a hangover.’
‘A paternity test,’ he repeated, holding my eye.
‘But I can’t do that until the baby’s born.’
‘Amniocentesis,’ Michael said in some triumph. ‘Rebecca – my ex – informed me. And at your age, I would expect you to be having one. You know, make sure you’re not having a child with Down’s syndrome.’
I immediately thought of Mary, Theo’s sister.
Lovely, kind, funny Mary who had just as much right to be on this planet as the next person.
Actually, take that back: some of the bastards who’d ruined my clients’ lives through harassment, stalking, assault and rape did not deserve to breathe the same air as anyone on this planet.
‘Sorry, Michael? You were saying?’ I came back to the present, realised Michael was still in full flow.
‘Amnio. Apparently a sample is taken from around the baby…’
‘Michael,’ I said firmly, ‘a pregnant woman can’t have an amnio until she’s at least fifteen weeks pregnant – often more. As I’m, at my reckoning, only about eight weeks pregnant, you’d have to wait a lot longer to confirm what you want to know.’
‘Can you blame me?’ Michael said crossly. ‘Surely you must want to know who the father is?’
‘I’m the mother,’ I said quietly. ‘Look, Michael, I’ve messed up big time.
The only way forward I can see at the moment is to remove myself from both you and Theo and sort the situation myself.
I’ve got myself into it and I need to live with the consequences.
That’s enough for me at the moment. Oh, and just so you know, I won’t be having an amnio to test for Down’s syndrome. ’
‘But surely?’ Michael’s eyebrows were up at ninety degrees.
‘Are you trying to tell me you’d want nothing to do with a child with some sort of disability?’
‘I’m not, I… no… I don’t know.’ Michael dropped his gaze and then looked at his watch. ‘Hell, I really must go. I’ve a meeting this afternoon at Stormont.’
‘I’m sorry, Michael. I really am.’
He stood up. ‘Yes, you keep saying. I’ll speak to you at the end of the week when I’m home.’
Well, it was certainly a day for visitors.
By mid-afternoon I’d been to the loo for what must have been the fifteenth time. I felt drained, headachy and stressed and just wanted to go home. To be by myself and go to bed.
‘Gemma, I’ve no one else booked in, have I?’ I almost pleaded on the last loo trip. ‘I’m going home to work.’
‘OK.’
Five minutes later, as I was packing my briefcase and reaching for my jacket, Gemma popped her head back round the door.
‘A Ms Lennox to see you.’
‘Who?’
‘New client? Says it’s important.’
‘Sorry, tell her I’m leaving. I’ve got a meeting somewhere. Make her an appointment for the next couple of days.’
‘She says it’s really important and she has to see you. Says you’ll know what it’s about.’
I racked my poor befuddled brain. Did all women feel like this so early on in pregnancy or was it just my age? ‘Well, I don’t know what it’s about,’ I said irritably. I sat down but kept my jacket on. ‘Tell her she can have five minutes.’
I stood to welcome the newcomer, hand outstretched, and knew instantly what all this was about. My pulse raced, but I managed, calmly enough, to get out, ‘You’re Theo Mandeville’s wife?’
‘How clever of you. I don’t think we’ve met?’
‘I’ve seen photographs of you,’ I replied, taking in the blonde bob, the high cheekbones, the rather small mouth.
‘And I you. May I sit?’
‘Of course. How can I help you?’ I sipped at a glass of water, anything to steady my nerves and stop my voice coming out in the squeaky falsetto I didn’t recognise as my own.
‘Well, I think there’s only one thing you can help me with.’
‘Oh?’ I plastered a rictus smile that wasn’t going to fool anyone, let alone this sophisticated, confident, slightly brittle woman sitting opposite me in my office.
‘Please leave my husband alone. You did enough damage twenty years ago, first accusing him of murdering your friend at university and then taking him into a war zone. He’d have been a professional squash player by now if not for you.’
And, if he was, you wouldn’t have ended up with him, I thought without speaking the words out loud. Instead I said, ‘Theo and his family had every right to believe I am to blame for taking him to Orgreave. It’s something I’ve had to carry – and regret – since the day it happened.’
‘Well, I don’t wish to go over old ground.’ Honor Mandeville offered up a little on/off smile and sat back in her chair. ‘Suffice it to say, his family and I need him at home at the moment…’
Was she giving me permission to have Theo at a later date? Hope flared. Was she wanting him home to help with Angus and then she’d reconsider? Did she realise her marriage was over?
‘…where he belongs,’ she continued. ‘On the estate and with me and our family.’
‘Do you not think you should be having this conversation with Theo, rather than me?’
‘He doesn’t know I’m here,’ she said. ‘I have to say, I was a bit concerned he might be here, with you, at your office. That would have been fun, wouldn’t it?’
If the woman’s idea of fun was this, I’d hate to think what her definition of misery might be.
‘May I ask how Angus is?’ I knew I was playing for time, but I genuinely did want to know about Theo’s son.
‘Well, I’m here. He’s actually much better. I’ve been able to leave him for a few hours. Thought I’d give him a chance to rest and, instead, come and meet you. I’ll stay with Theo tonight in Holland Park. I’m assuming you know the house? Visited it? Stayed there?’
When I didn’t reply, couldn’t reply, she leaned forwards and held my eye. ‘Of course you have. Now,’ she went on briskly as though moving through a meeting agenda, ‘Angus will recover from the meningitis…’
‘I’m so pleased.’ I really was.
‘…but, as they feared, he has suffered permanent hearing loss and will possibly be prone to epilepsy. I was told the news this morning after Theo had left. I need to speak to my husband before we have to break the news to Angus together. No sixteen-year-old boy wants to hear this, as I’m sure you can imagine?
Or maybe not, seeing as you don’t have any children of your own, I believe? ’
‘Of course you must tell your son this together.’
‘Good. So, I can see you understand, Ms Piasecki. Theo needs to be with his family.’
‘Well… yes.’ I could see, totally.
‘Good. Good, I’m so pleased you and I agree on that score.’
I stared, my heart plummeting. I wasn’t going to have Theo, after all. I had to give him back to his family.
Honor gave a little tinkle of laughter. ‘Now, that was the bad news I have to break to Theo, but luckily I have good news as well. Rather wonderful news,’ she added somewhat coyly.
‘Oh?’
‘Yes, Theo and I are to have another child.’
I stared. This wasn’t true. She was making it up. She must be!
‘Right,’ I said dully.
‘I’d suspected – well, I’d hoped – for a while that might be the case, and I popped out this morning when Theo had left, and Angus was sleeping, and bought one of those clever little Clearblue tests.
’ Honor gave another little tinkle of laughter.
‘You know,’ she went on, almost matily, ‘when I was pregnant with the boys, it wasn’t quite the done thing, certainly not in our circle, to pop into the local Co-op for a test. My lovely consultant was on the job from day one with both boys… ’
On the job? Was Honor trying to tell me this doctor had impregnated her as well as seen her through her pregnancies? I shook my befuddled brain and stared.
‘…so, with everything going on, I know you’ll do the right thing, Ms Piasecki.
I mean, what a scandal for a woman in your position – the left-leaning protector of wronged women and partner of a prominent politician – to be plastered all over the papers as the scarlet whore who fancies herself a bit of upmarket posh totty for a change? ’
‘Sorry?’ My head was spinning and if I didn’t get air, the nausea I’d been feeling all day would result in my vomiting over Theo’s wife’s Ferragamos. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said again. ‘I really must be going.’ I stood, knowing my face must have drained of all colour.
‘No, no, I must be off. I’m sure you working women, you intellectual types, have full days ahead of you.
’ Honor stood. ‘I’m off to Holland Park to update Theo on both bits of news and then…
’ she gave a little smile ‘…I thought I might take him to Harrods. The baby department is quite exquisite. Early days, I know, but we’ll both be hoping for a girl.
After two boys, I know Theo will be wanting a little bit of feminine input on the estate. As will I.’
She made for the door but then turned and came back.
‘I won’t take your hand, Ms Piasecki, but I do believe I’ve made my point, so no reason to shake on it.’ She was no longer smiling, and I saw her face, beautiful as it was, was somewhat unnatural, and certainly hard.
I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes and tried to curtail the nausea. I stood, dashed past Gemma and vomited profusely in the ladies’ restroom.
I almost crawled back to my desk, knew I couldn’t face the car journey home and, instead, moved over and sank onto the sofa I’d had installed in my office.
‘Was that who I thought it was?’ Gemma asked in some excitement.
‘You’ve obviously done your research,’ I snapped, but then said, ‘Yes, that was Honor Mandeville.’
‘So why did she call herself Ms Lennox?’
‘Her maiden name. Part of it, anyhow.’
‘Yes, she’s actually Honor Lennox-Cooper.’ Gemma nodded knowingly.
‘So, if you know all this, why were you asking why she was Ms Lennox?’
‘Didn’t want you to think I’d been snooping.’
‘Gemma, you always snoop.’
‘And? And? What did she want?’
‘Basically to frighten me off Theo. Oh, and just a little matter of her being pregnant herself. Gemma, she says she’s pregnant!
’ I wailed the words out loud, yet whether it was shock or my being pregnant that had taken all the fight out of me, I didn’t know, but I remained dry-eyed as I stared at Gemma.
‘Blimey, it must be the season for it. That’s three of us – four if you include my cousin’s neighbour who…’
‘Gemma!’
‘Oh,’ Gemma shook her head sagely, ‘she’s making it up. Playing you at your own game. It happens all the time on EastEnders. They do tell a lot of lies on that programme,’ she added thoughtfully. ‘Anyway, I don’t believe a word of it.’
‘Gemma, please, just bring me really weak tea? And a cushion?’
‘A cushion? Piles already?’
‘Gemma, I might love you to bits and I’ve agreed to be godmother to your child, but if you carry on like this, I’m seriously going to fire you. Or even kill you!’
‘But don’t you want to talk about it? This is pretty serious stuff, Anna. How about I bring two cushions, and you can tell me all about it. I could do with a lie down myself.’
I was actually tempted because I could feel tears starting. I’d lost Theo once again. How had I been so careless? How could I bear it?
‘Gemma, I’m going to lie on this sofa, and put my head down on the cushion you’re going to bring me, for an hour. Don’t you let anyone else in past that door. Or I’ll seriously fire you.’
Exhausted as well as utterly shocked at Honor Mandeville’s visit and consequent announcement, I curled up on the sofa in a foetal position and slept.
Gemma must have come in at some point because she’d found a blanket from somewhere and covered me.
I was dreaming of Fliss, and she was with Theo back in Leeds, and he was in the bath again and instead of apologising and hunting for a towel, he told her to strip off and get in the bath with him.
And they were laughing together and then Les appeared with a huge serrated kitchen knife and cut off not only Theo’s fingers, but Fliss’s head…
‘Jesus!’ I sat up, my heart pounding, my mouth dry and disgusting. I rubbed at my eyes, reaching for the remains of the cold tea and drinking it thirstily.
‘You OK?’ Gemma was at my side. ‘I’ve kept popping in. You’ve had a good hour’s sleep.’
‘I need to get home. I’m assuming Theo will come round at some point. Seeing as how I can no longer go to Holland Park.’ I felt stiff and disorientated as I sat up and then stood, before walking to my desk.
‘Give it ten minutes,’ Gemma advised. ‘Pregnant women have a tendency to faint.’
‘I’m not going to faint,’ I snapped. ‘I’ve never fainted in my life.’
‘You’ve never been pregnant before,’ Gemma said. We both turned as Claudia, the intern, popped her head round the door. ‘Anna, there’s a Sara Cleeves to see you?’
‘I’m not seeing anybody, Claudia. Make an appointment for her. You know how to do it… Hang on, isn’t that the woman who turned up unannounced a couple of months ago and then went without me seeing her? Walked out?’
‘I think it is,’ Claudia went on. ‘She says it’s really important and she’s sorry she left last time without seeing you.’
‘Oh, Jesus,’ Gemma said, ‘you don’t think it’s another wife of Theo’s come with a sorry tale?’
‘Who’s Theo?’ Claudia asked, her eyes wide.
‘Never you mind,’ Gemma admonished her. ‘Look, I’ll go out to reception and tell her you’re not well.’
‘She’s obviously beside herself about something, if I’d agreed to see her but then she ran off for some reason.’
‘Probably needed the loo. IBS, nerves or something,’ Claudia said, sagely. ‘I mean, I don’t like using a toilet for a number two when it’s a public loo – you know, not my own.’
‘You need to get over it, Claudia,’ I said irritably. ‘Right, show her in. She’s got ten minutes and then I’m off.’