Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Hannah wanted to wrap her arms around herself.
The picnic with Ben was imminent, and she was equally nervous and excited. “You sure you’re fine to go into town all on your own?” she asked Neil as she reached for her old brown cowboy hat embroidered with flowers, the one she’d unboxed at the Prentices’.
Neil closed his laptop, rising from the kitchen table where he’d been working. “Dinner at The Lucky Horseshoe sounds perfect tonight after a stroll through downtown. You need anything from me, lass, my phone will be on.”
She and Neil always turned their phones off at dinner, so the fact that he planned to have his on was telling. “Thanks. If you have any issues, Jolene’s your girl.”
He sent her a knowing smile. Like he suspected, she was hoping for a romance between the two—which she kinda was.
“Have fun, Neil.”
Waving, she let herself out of the house.
The sun was mellow for the six o’clock hour, but she’d grabbed a light jacket since the temperature was cooling.
The days had been high seventies with lows in the sixties.
She knew to plan for every eventuality. Her leather pack carried bear repellent and her special blend to keep skeeters away.
The yard was mostly quiet despite the munching of hay from the horses in the corral. As she was passing Ben’s house, she stopped short.
There was a horseshoe resting against the window on the top floor.
What the—
She walked over until she was under the window. That horseshoe hadn’t been there before. She would have seen it.
Why was it there now? When Ben’s mother had left, she and Ben had a way of communicating when he was upset and wanted company.
He’d put a horseshoe in the window when she came for her riding lesson.
Afterward, she’d sneak into the main house and up to his room.
Sometimes she’d just sit next to him on the floor.
Other times, she’d tried to cheer him up by telling him some funny story she’d heard in town.
Staring up at the window, she thought about the layout of the house.
Wasn’t that Cooper’s room? She glanced around the yard and checked her watch.
Ben wasn’t here yet. Well, heck, that did it.
She’d make sure everything was all right.
When she reached the front door, she knocked and opened it slowly, peeking inside.
“Cooper?”
She heard a bark and then a faint wail. Was someone crying?
Letting herself inside, she rushed toward the stairs.
The sound only grew louder, breaking her heart.
This was anguish, the real tear-your-heart-out kind.
She didn’t have to knock on Cooper’s door.
It was wide open. He was curled up on the bed with Tank beside him, crying into his pillow like he’d lost his best friend.
Hurrying over to him, she put her hand on his back as Tank lifted his head, his big brown eyes filled with sorrow. “Cooper, honey, what’s the matter?”
He only cried more, curling into himself like a little mealy bug as Tank gave a mournful sound.
She sat on the bed and put her hand on the back of his sweaty head before gently pulling him to her and holding him.
He cried into her chest, wrapping his arms around her.
Her own eyes filled with tears as she listened to the broken, anguished sound.
Tank laid his head on her knee, whining softly.
When Cooper finally lifted his head, his face crumpled as new tears streamed down his little face. “M-my friend said I’m…I’m a mistake.”
Her heart broke clear in two. “Oh, Cooper.”
He sniffed, knuckling his eyes. “P-Paisley said my mama and papa…d-didn’t really mean for me to happen. Paisley heard her m-mom talking. She said…she said Papa was mad at you leaving for Scotland. Th-that’s why he turned to my mama.”
He trembled along with the shock waves going through her heart. How dare someone tell him something like this?
“Papa made a b-big mistake. Me. And everyone in town knows it. Hannah, I don’t want to be a mistake.”
As he started crying again, she clutched him to her chest, soothing his back up and down.
Oh, people could be so cruel, but right now, this little boy needed comfort.
Except sweet heaven help her, what was she supposed to say?
“Cooper, your papa told me you are the greatest miracle of his life. He loves you so much.”
He lifted his head, his blue eyes red-rimmed and miserable. “But my m-mama doesn’t love me. Now I know why. I was a mistake! Papa didn’t want to m-marry her. Paisley told me. She said Papa had to because…because he’d made a baby with her and that’s what a m-man has to do.”
She hugged him as he started crying harder, wishing she had lavender to help ease him. Because no words were going to take this pain away, she feared. “Shh—” she soothed softly, rocking him.
“It’s all my f-fault!” Racking sobs shook his little body. “Now I know why M-Mama never c-comes to v-visit.”
Hannah felt the tears slide down her face as she held his trembling body tighter. He gave one shuddering breath after another as he cried his little heart out. She finally picked him up and carried him out of his bedroom. His son needed Ben right now.
He was waiting for her with Flame and Orion, strapping the picnic basket onto his saddlebags. The moment he saw her, his face blanched, and he came running.
“What happened to him? Where’s Reba? He was supposed to be with her up at the house.”
She didn’t think she needed to mention how easy sneaking out to be alone, especially around suppertime, would be.
Transferring Cooper into his arms, he cuddled his son to his chest and ran his hand up and down the little boy’s back while she helplessly looked on. “Cooper…what’s wrong?”
The little boy looked up, tears pouring down his cheeks as his lip wobbled. “P-Papa, I’m so sorry. I didn’t m-mean to be a m-mistake.”
Ben gave a sharp intake before a tortured gleam appeared in his eyes. “What are you talking about? Cooper, you are not a mistake! Son…”
Hannah’s throat ached for them both as Cooper only pressed his face into Ben’s neck and started sobbing again, muttering brokenly, “I’m—I’m so s-sorry, Papa.”
Ben looked at Hannah in blank shock, cradling his son to him. “What’s he talking about? I’ve never seen him like this. Never.”
She wanted to lay a gentle hand on the hard line of his jaw and comfort him as if he were Cooper, but instead, she placed a soothing hand on his son’s leg. “Cooper’s friend…ah, Paisley…said some things.”
His entire face darkened, and for a moment, he clenched his eyes shut in agony. “I need to take care of him.”
She nodded quickly, tears spilling down her cheeks at their pain. “Go. I’ll take the horses back into the barn.”
He was already striding past her into the house.
Flame reared angrily when Hannah walked over.
Cooper’s tears and Ben’s pain had broken her a little too, and this act of defiance was the final straw.
She planted her hands on her waist and stared at the cinnamon roan.
“I’m about done with you acting like this.
Flame, I love you. I’m sorry I went away. Please…stop blaming me. I just…”
God, here she was crying too, over a horse that felt completely lost to her, one who used to greet her with a playful little head toss the moment they saw each other.
“I just want us to be friends,” she whispered, wiping at her eyes.
Orion came over and nuzzled her, so she patted him around the neck and took the consolation before taking his reins. When she reached for Flame’s, the mare didn’t jerk away, so that was something at least.
Leading them into the barn, she first unpacked the picnic basket before unsaddling the horses. Flame pretty much ignored her, but at least she didn’t try to take a chunk out of her.
After leading them into their stalls, she made sure they had fresh hay and grain. Orion gave her his version of a kiss in thanks. Flame turned her back to Hannah, giving her the equine version of the cut direct. She told herself not to cry.
Picking up the picnic basket, she opened the lid and peeked inside.
There was a bunch of freshly picked wildflowers wrapped in a wet paper towel tied with a strip of rawhide—a Ben special if she ever saw one.
The smell of fried chicken normally would have made her stomach growl.
So would the slices of fresh baked pie in the plastic containers.
But not today.
Not when a little boy believed he’d been a “mistake” and had learned things no child should ever have to know.
Oh, how she ached for them both. Last night, Ben had shared how Cooper had helped him become a better man. How he meant everything to him. Seeing that sweet, tender side of him had been part of this change that was happening between them.
But today, how caring he’d been—even in his own agony—she’d seen the full expanse of his love. When Ben McAllister loved, he loved with his whole heart and strength. Those feelings might be rare, given the kind of man he was, but they were all the more precious for it.
He’d loved her like that once.
No, she wasn’t angry anymore. Not really. But she did feel the loss of what they’d been to each other keenly as much as the burgeoning promise of such feelings surfacing again.
Because Jolene was right. Ben had grown into a good man. One she was still compelled by.
Striding toward her house, she knew their picnic would be postponed. Ben needed to stay with Cooper.
She only wished she could do something to help the sorrow they both must be feeling down in the house only a hundred yards away.